Have you tried speaking with her doctor at all?
As a matter of fact, I spoke to mom’s doctor last Friday. She signed paperwork to enable them to discuss her care with them. Doc had no clue she was drinking while on the pile of medications he has prescribed. He said he wants me to check in with him often.
He says he can treat depression, but not personality disorders. I need to get her to agree to see a psychologist and, she will never do that because it is my problem not hers. That’s NPD for you. It’s everyone else who is wrong, never you.
What did he tell you your options were? I know he told you what he cannot do but what did he recommend you try?
He recommended talking to her about seeing a psychologist, which I already know wont happen. She thinks I am the one with the problem, and that’s typical of people with NPD.
As I mentioned, mom’s god daughter, a psychologist, told me that NPD’s tend not to improve with therapy because they think everyone else is wrong. From what I have read myself there is not much hope of improvement to the situation, especially not for someone at her age. I tried to attach a link to a site with more info, but it comes out garbled. Not sure how to insert a link, so I’ll just paste it here. Hope I am not stepping on anyones toes.
"If a person has been diagnosed with the Narcissistic Personality Disorder, therapy, in most cases, can only mitigate and ameliorate his condition, but not cure it.
Only narcissists, who go through a severe life crisis, tend to consider the possibility of therapy at all. When they attend the therapeutic sessions, they, usually, bring all their rigid defence mechanisms to the fore. The therapy quickly becomes a tedious and useless affair for both therapist and patient.
Most cerebral narcissists are very intelligent. They base their grandiose fantasies on these natural advantages. When faced with a reasoned analysis, which shows that they suffer from NPD most of them accept and acknowledge the new information. But first they have to face it and this is the difficult part: they all are deniers of reality.
Moreover, cognitively assimilating the information is a mere process of labeling. It has no psychodynamic effect. It does not affect the narcissists behavior patterns and interactions with his human environment. These are the products of veteran and rigid mental mechanisms.
Narcissists are PATHOLOGICAL liars. This means that they are either unaware of their lies or feel completely justified and at ease in lying to others. Often, they believe their own lies and attain “retroactive veracity”. Their very essence is a huge, contrived, lie: the FALSE Self, the grandiose FANTASIES, and the IDEALISED objects.
Personality disorders are ADAPTATIVE. This means that they help to resolve mental conflicts and the anxiety, which, normally, accompanies them.
Narcissists sometimes contemplate suicide (suicidal ideation) when they go through a crisis but they are not very likely to go beyond the contemplation phase.
Narcissists are, in a way, sadists. They are likely to use verbal and psychological abuse and violence against those closest to them. Some of them move from abstract aggression (the emotion leading to violence and permeating it) to the physically concrete sphere of violence. However, I have seen no research which proves that they are more prone to do so than any other group in the general population.
The NPD is a newcomer to the zoo of mental disorders. It was not fully defined until the late 1980’s. The discussion, analysis and study of narcissism are as old as psychology but there is a great difference between being a “mere” narcissist and having a NPD."
I know I have done my absolute best to get her out of a bad situation, but I will not be around this town forever to get her out next time.
My boss has been awesome since this situation arose, but when I take a job out of town or overseas, I cannot expect the new boss to be as lenient. I don’t think I am willing to take leave from work, fly thousands of miles to play the role of “rescuer-victim” again to quote the wise Miss Parker.
I really appreciate everyone’s input here. Talking this through with people who know neither me nor mom has been enlightening. I think I know what I need to do.
What ever you decide, you will have my support. It is a very difficult situation and I’m sure you have turmoiled with it for sometime before coming on the forums. Best of luck, stay strong!