Mine is a rather lengthy story, so I will try to keep it as brief as possible. If you would like me to elaborate or clarify anything, just ask.
First off, my stats:
26 years old, 5’9", ~170 lb @ ~10% bf.
Years before any of my current issues, I had some ED problems and went to a urologist who took a total testosterone blood test. The results were 428 ng/dL. That was before any drug or anabolic use (except that at the time I recently started smoking marijuana, which may have been the cause of the ED for all I know).
A couple years after that, again before any symptoms, I took a several month course of Accutane at a reasonably high does (I don’t recall specifically, but I think it was maybe 40-80 mg / day over 6+ months). I mention this because some people seem to think it has the same / similar effects on some men as finasteride (propecia), and many propecia help forums have an accutane subforum for men who experience PFS (post finasteride syndrome) after taking accutane.
Over the past few years I have been experiencing worsening depression, which has been compounded (and lead to) drug use, including anabolics. Approximately 2 years ago, I started taking testosterone in an effort to treat the increasing feelings of hopelessness and sadness that were accompanying the original symptoms of lack of motivation, difficulty concentrating, etc. that seem to have manifested as the initial milder depression symptoms. I started on ~400mg / week of test e, and over the course of about 1 year, slowly lowered my dose, as I was not seeing consistent results (sporadically I would feel better for up to 1 week at a time, but it would quickly return to how I felt before), and I suspected that high e2 was the culprit. Unfortunately I have no way of knowing as I did not take blood tests. I added trenbolone in the last few months, and lowered my testosterone dose, eventually eliminating the test and only dosing a low amount of trenbolone (< 50mg per week). After blood test from my doctor showed alarming kidney issues, I realized the tren was wreaking havoc on my kidneys and stopped dosing it.
I have been off of all anabolics for at least 4-5 months now. Complicating things is the fact that I am currently on methadone, as I turned to heroin and other opiates in a desperate attempt to feel better. I started taking opiates about 1.5 years ago, and have been on methadone for about 9 months. I am not taking any other drugs, except for some vitamin D chewable gummies.
I still do not feel normal; I struggle with having enough energy to stay awake, and have to make a (very, very difficult for me) effort to not sleep excessively during the night (and daytime). I am not as ‘depressed’ as I once was, in the sense that I am not feeling sad and hopeless, but I still have great difficulty focusing, motivating myself to work, etc. Yesterday I took a blood test (female hormone panel through privatemdlabs/labcorp), and the results are attached in the image below. They show low total testosterone, low FSH, normal LH, and estradiol on the low end of the range.
If anyone has any advice or if you would like me to post additional information, I would appreciate your feedback. Thanks.