So, here I am. At 22, a college burnout. Dead-end full-time job, no relationship, and no real accomplishments. The hell do I keep trying for?
Yeah, I was thinking that for all of five seconds.
I recently was given the opportunity to take some time off of my grinding pursuit of a higher education, or what passes for one in southern Arkansas (thanks Financial Aid), so I've had some time to think.
When I was 12, I made a few promises to myself. The first was to have enough money to do whatever the hell I wanted. The second was to acquire that money in a manner that did not make me loathe my day. The third, well, that one's kind of private. And the fourth promise I made was this: to come as absolutely close to perfection as I could. And then get closer.
Oh, I should have said this up front - as a child, I had a few issues. But anyway.
For whatever reason, I started to lag. My GPA slipped as my focus became unlocked. My social interaction, though never of butterfly proportions, shrank daily. The only thing that stayed locked in was my training and my diet. So, in that respect, God had given me an anchor.
I decided to take some time off. Thankfully, this decision coincided with the announcement that my student loan would not be coming through for this next-to-next-to-last semester of escuela. So, when I get asked if I'm in school, I've got a nice little reason-in-a-gripe answer. "The damn people, I wish they?d just get their stuff in order so I can get my B.S. and just be done with the place." Or something to that effect.
But I'm rambling.
Of all the things I've given up, my pursuit of perfection has not been one of them. I still have a not so secret desire to be the Batman. Or at least have a custom Maserati. So, that's the goal, that's the end. Now, all's I gotta do is figure out how to get there.
Mid-Term Goal (1.5 Years): I will have a college education highlighted by a B.S. in Exercise Science with a minor in whichever psychology course I find most interesting.
Short-Term Goal (Now): I will have a well-paying job with flexible hours which will allow me to have a comfortable financial cushion through my collegiate career.
Long-Term Goal (7 Years): Self-sustaining Gym, at least two published works of fiction.
Now please, for those reading this, don't take this as a complaining monologue of a self-obsessed college student, even though it may very well be such. And don't take it as an attempt to get motivated. Really, I would appreciate it if you took it as only this; a public restructuring of my plan of attack. I had grown lazy in certain aspects of my life. Now that I am through with the laziness, and have been for a decent bit, I can safely reassess my position and my goals.
For a minute, I forgot where I was going, and in so doing lost sight of where I was. That was a while ago. This is now. I have my road, I have my map.