T Nation

My Quest For Strength


#932

Merry Christmas.


#933

Upon further reflection, I don’t think that I can stay away from T-Nation. However, I don’t think I’m going to be posting much on my Training Log, barring PRs. However, I actually posted this because I do have 3 goals that I need to accomplish before my 17th birthday in 4 months. (Wow, I’m old!)

  1. Get to 185 lb. morning weight.

  2. Become healthy and virile once again.

  3. Above 400 Deadlift, 350 Squat, 150 Press for triples.

That’s it, that’s all. Just going to be utilizing 5/3/1 Original for the next few months. I need to be better before Junior Prom. However, I also said that about Christmas, and I’m still sick.


#934

Merry Christmas bro


#935

Just wait until you start approaching 30.


#936

I seem to have gone down another notch on my lifting belt. Gaining 20 lbs. back is going to be a challenge.


#937

I think next week needs to be a testing week to see where I’m at. I missed 185 on the bench. That is my Training Max. I missed my training max. I also almost got pinned under 295. Today is just one of those days where I got up and I really wish I hadn’t.


#938

Well, if I’m being honest, I am fatigued to the point where I cannot think, I can barely walk without falling over, and my stomach hurts. I could have killed myself hitting my training maxes yesterday…I didn’t realize the extent of just how weak I am. I don’t even know if that makes sense. But, long story short, I can feel myself fading out of existence, and I really wish it would just happen already. I am not virile, healthy, or driven, and I would rather die than live in this state. I don’t know how I am even going to be able to pass my midterms in a few weeks. I don’t know how I’m going to attend college. Sure, I could pray, but I’m pretty sure that’s a hoax anyway. A placebo affect more than anything else.


#939

Dude… don’t die please. You can get through this!


#940

[quote=“liftangryordie500, post:938, topic:239915”]
A placebo affect more than anything else.

Still an effect brother.

Giving in and asking for death is the last place you need to be. This isn’t any sort of damn time to give in. Yes that shit must be horrible and I can’t put myself in your shoes, I couldn’t begin to imagine, but I’d be damned if I went without saying that you need to get your head right with this. Fight your fucking ass off, you have one life. Asking for death you will get what you want.
1 week, 1 month, 1 year, 10 years from now this could all disappear, and you’d never know it. You will rid yourself of this disease, you have to fight for it though. Personally it’d devastate me to hear that you passed and I’m just some kid thousands of miles away, it’d be crushing to your loved ones/close friends to see you pass bro, so please don’t say things like you wish it would just happen already. Fight for your fucking life man.
Big Love brother, I wish you the best.
P.S. I think it’d be a more badass story to hear how you fought a disease that was sucking the life from you than any strength feat that could ever be achieved.


#941

Hey Brett.

You’re absolutely right. Thanks for the pep talk.


#942

@duketheslaya Duke, thanks for the kind words.

I’ve been using this log as a fucking diary…I need to stop. I keep forgetting that anybody can see this.


#943

Update: feeling somewhat better than I was when I woke up. The fatigue is still killing me, but maybe I’ll be able to deadlift something respectable come Monday. The goal? 340 x 7. I’m really hoping the other day was just a shitty day and not an indicator of where my general strength is headed. But, as with all things, I will have to see come Monday.

I’m also looking into some coaching to get my lifting back on track.

Cheers everyone.


#944

Have to be careful you don’t psych yourself out on your lifts. I know when I go into a lift thinking, “ehhhhh I don’t think I can do this,” I typically can’t. Keep fighting man, you got this.


#945

This is big for me too. Something I’ve taken to doing before all of my PR sets is visualizing myself actually completing the set with my goal number of reps. It helps because I like to think it does. Thanks man. I mean…the other day I shouldn’t have been in the gym period, so I guess that is a lesson learned.


#946

You will definitely have to feel out when to take off because your body NEEDS a day off and when your mind is saying you should take the day off. I think this will be a huge factor in success for you and will take time to learn the difference.


#947

Yeah…as soon as I unracked 155, it felt so ridiculously unstable it wasn’t funny. I should have called it there.


#948

I go to a really dark and nasty place in my mind. Terrible things are happening there. I release on the lift.


#949

Ya know, I’ve never done that. I’ve never seen the need to. Usually, I try to be methodical in the way I set up/execute my lifts. But then again, I’m not even pulling 450, haha. By the way, happy cakeday man.


#950

It’s not something I do every set or even every big lift. But when I’m facing a big new weight. I go there.


#951

Man…I don’t even know how to GET there.