T Nation

My Quest For Strength


Head up man. Everyone feels isolated and down from time to time. Self worth is not valued in how many people like or notice you but by how many people you help and make a difference in their life. I would miss ya!


Thanks friend.


Are you planning on attending college? That could be a big game changer for you.


Yes, I’m planning on majoring in either law or engineering. I’m broke, though. The only reason I’m at the high school I’m at right now is because I’m on a full scholarship. The tuition there is $16,000 a year. It’s fucking crazy. The only way I’m going to be able to even afford college without being buried in debt till I’m 40 is it I get some kind of scholarship. But, with affirmative action and the like, someone can get 200 points lower than me on their SAT and still take my seat. I mean, even though I have an A+ average right now, when I’m in pain I don’t do nearly as well on tests as I would like to just because I generally can’t bring myself to focus on studying the night before or focus on the test that day.


Two solid and very different choices haha. What draws you to those?

Just to give you a little perspective, and I hope this doesn’t come off as preachy, but I was also very broke going into college. And I didn’t come nearly as close to setting myself up for success as you have, but I still managed to graduate about $20k in debt. My student loan payments, while I for sure hate paying them, are very manageable.

As an engineer or a lawyer, you’ll probably make enough money to be in a similar situation as me with any loans you might have. There’s a good chance you could be better off too.

I think you’re a good dude, and while I don’t know what it is you’re really going through, I’m sure you’re going to make a nice life for yourself once you have more control over it.


That’s pretty encouraging, actually, considering that the average student loan debt is around $37,000. Thanks for the compliment. I’m sure you’re making a nice life for yourself as well.


And honestly, I’m not sure. I’ve always liked building stuff, but I also do Congressional Debate on my free time. I’m pretty good at it, too.


I would miss you man! Head up


There’s a million and 1 different careers that are probably all great options either path you go down. I don’t know much about the world of lawyers and all the different options that exist for them. There’s a lot of cool stuff going on in engineering though, especially if you have any interest in design/manufacturing/electrical/being a software nerd. There’s a pretty solid young talent disparity in a lot of big manufacturing companies too. Something to keep in mind as you get closer to your decision.


@duketheslaya thanks bud!

@mr.v3lv3t that is definitely something to keep in mind. Thank you.


Update: feeling a bit nauseous.


If you struggle with self worth and isolation I say stay away from law and thinking engineering. Law tends to lend itself for individuals being disliked even if they are great people doing great work. They need a clear mental picture of who they are to thrive in the working environment


Well, I didn’t set a PR today. But I did learn something. I need to drop some assistance and up the food. I woke up at 177.5 lb. On Week 3, I’m just doing work sets + PR sets. On press, I’m just hitting my required reps and getting out of the gym. Then, I have a week to recuperate before I start a new, different in-season cycle.


45 x 2 x 5
135 x 3
165 x 2
185 x 1
205 x 3
235 x 3
265 x 9 (I fucked up my positioning, I would have possibly had another rep or two; I genuinely thought I had at least 10)

205 x 5 x 5 — tiring and more draining than usual. Generally I find out on my FSL sets if I could have had a PR set or not.


45 x 2 x 5
95 x 3
120 x 3
140 x 3
160 x 6 — didn’t push this, maybe I had another rep or two.
120 x 5 x 10

50 Chins
4 x 25 Band Pull-Aparts

5 x 10 Ab Wheel (these are getting faster and easier to control)
2:30 Plank

Stomach isn’t too happy.


But what kind of a pussy would I be for letting my struggles get in the way of what I want to do with my life? If I wanted to do that I would have thrown in the towel a long time ago haha.


I have the sinking feeling that I’m probably going to die sooner rather than later in life. And I’m completely okay with that. I feel like I’d definitely be better off dead than alive. I don’t even say this because I’m depressed, I’m speaking from a logical standpoint. The odds of me dying early from the complications of Celiac are much higher than the odds of me having a normal lifespan; moreso because the pain has driven me to the hospital before. The odds of me living a normal life are also much lower than they should be (this includes finding a wife, etc.) simply because more often than not I can’t effectively socialize (I really can’t focus on witty stuff to say when my stomach is killing me, haha).

Weightlifting, believe it or not, has become one of the only pleasures I have in this life. No, I’m not exaggerating. Also, when I do some kind of training, even if it’s just ab work or rows, my stomach generally feels better for at least 30 min. afterwards. Not sure what that is, but I’ll take it.


I’m 33 now, and there isn’t a single person from my high school I stay in touch with. Media makes high school seem like a big deal, but it really doesn’t have to be. Don’t sweat it man.


Yeah, I can see why. HS guys are mean bastards. I remember one day I was walking into my math class about 10 minutes late (because bathroom issues) and I remember telling my friend to tell the sub we had that day I went to the bathroom. So, I walk back in, and this motherfucker says “What’d you do, fall in the toilet?” I swear, every single person in that room cracked up like it was the funniest thing they’d ever heard. The sub just sat there with her mouth open. Needless to say, I almost got into a fight that day.


You are dealing with a bunch of almost adults powered by hormones without full formed frontal cortexes. Most will grow up and realize they were dicks, but right now it is just jockeying for position on the social hierarchy.

Nothing wrong with just putting your head down and gutting it out until college. It is a BIG change there, and you have a chance to reinvent yourself.

I went from an all boy high school to a college with a 70% female population. It was like getting out of prison. Great times.


This is probably the best thing I’ve read all day.

Currently doing this while killing myself with mentally and physically taxing extracurriculars that require a whole bunch of commitment outside of school (you know, because colleges crave packed resumes).

Especially for a human specimen of your caliber. Fuck. I couldn’t imagine. Did you pull 700 in front of an entirely female audience while you were there?


I was still pretty big into fighting during college. The lifting was still going on, and I was seeing some good growth on it, but it wasn’t my focus.

Met the future Mrs. my second year there too, which helped cure the sewing of my wild oats. I’m honestly pretty blessed she saw me like that and still accepted me, haha.


Always cover your tracks! :wink:

But seriously, that’s awesome. You were a fighter too?