What? Why do people want to bash my vegetable friend broccoli? Seriously, I try not to take it personally, but how can you not love this stuff?
Number 1 - it’s cheap! You can 5 pounds of frozen broccoli for about $4. Not too shabby. Now, I know some of you probably live in some mansion on the ocean, with solid gold squirrels and a security force made up of invincible robots with laser beams for eyes, but for us regular folk’ that’s a great deal! And since it’s frozen, it can last forever! Now what? You need fresh broccoli in your life? That’s cool brother, because fresh broccoli is pretty cheap too, AND it lasts a long time in the fridge, unlike your punk-ass vegetables like eggplant or lettuce (whoa boy, don’t get me started on iceberg son)
Number 2 - broccoli is easy to prepare. I’ve got those iron chef skills, so this point is moot to me, but for you other novice chefs out there, you really can’t screw up broccoli! All you have to do is follow the directions on the microwave bag! If that’s too hard for you, then let me give you some directions:
- Put broccoli in bowl
- microwave until hot
- drain excess water and eat!
For fresh broccoli you can do the same microwave method (just add a splash of water and cover) or you can stir-fry the delicious little veggie! Hell, I’ll do one better! Get some fresh vegetables and eat it raw! That’s right! Take outta fridge and gnaw on that stalk bitches!
Number 3 - broccoli is versatile!! It can be eaten with anything. You can take any piece of meat and eat broccoli as a side dish. You can have steak and broccoli, chicken and broccoli, lamb and broccoli. You can also make casserole dishes with broccoli, some low-fat cream of mushroom soup, some cheap cut of meat and other veggies! Bake it up with some low-fat cheese and you’ve got a great meal! Broccoli and cheese frittatas are crazy delicious! What? You’re a vegetarian? (and probably a lame-ass hippie?!) Yo, that’s cool, you can have broccoli with a side dish of broccoli! There, problem solved, and you get twice the deliciousness!
Number 4 - It’s good for you!!! I don’t need to really get into WHY broccoli is good for you. You know it’s good for you, I know it’s good for you, and the American people know it’s good for you! If you need further convincing (which I’m sure you don’t) there are articles written on this fine vegetable by people much more qualified than me right on this beautiful T-Nation site!! Come on tough guy, you take shots of flax oil and chase it down with tuna shakes and you won’t eat a little broccoli? NONSENSE I SAY!! NONSENSE!
Number 5 - Do it because eating broccoli is like non-violent resistance to George Bush Senior! That broccoli-hating pinko!!!
Some kid walked up to me like, “Ewww… you’re eating broccoli… again!” You know what bible beaters are? Well, I’m this close to being a broccoli beater!
Same scenario:
loser - “Ewww… you’re eating broccoli… again!”
me - “Are you bashing broccoli?”
loser - “Yea!”
me - “Nah man, broccoli is bashing YOU!”
Then I’d take out a fresh stalk of broccoli and proceed to supply the loser with a 9278% of the FDA’s daily allowance of cruciferous whoop-ass!
Ok, Rant over… I feel better… whew… 
