T Nation

My Best Friend and The Beast

I thought this only happened on TV sitcoms, but here I am smack dab in the middle of a dilly of a pickle, or something among those lines. My best friend has never had a girl friend, or anything even close. He looks like your average Joe, goes to the gym and looks the part, has a job and a nice car. Two days ago he met a girl on the internet,they started talking, and he decided he liked her and wanted to meet her without even seeing a picture. The two are now going out, and tonight I met her. She is undoubtably one of the most unattractive people I’ve ever had the misfortune to lay eyes on. Now before I get flamed and told “Beauty is only skin deep” she bosses him around, is grumpy, and pretty much is the wicked witch of the west.He couldnt be happier with her. I know he could do better, alot better, but the problem is that he’s about as sensitive as a puppy dog. I dont know how to tell him that shes no good for him.I cant let them be, because I know she will only hurt him in the end. How do I go about this before it goes any furthur?

Oi. Most of times that I have been in this situation, telling him she’s no good never helps, and it’s usually best to not interfere in someone else’s relationship. Unfortunatley, he will probably have to learn the hard way to stand up for himself and learn to not take that kind of treatment. It’s just a part of growing up. If he’s never had a girlfriend before then he is still learning about things like that.

So your friend seems happy with her? Has he ever complained about her? They’ve only been going out for 2 days?

I applaud your intentions for getting your friend’s back.

As much as you are trying to be his friend, and can forsee all the problems that may or may not arise,the best thing you can do is Nothing!.
People learn from experiences and in this situation your friend is going to have to learn from his own mistakes.
Hope this helps.

I think Ferris Bueller, talking about Cameron who sounds like your friend said it best: “Cameron’s never been in love. At least no one’s ever been in love with him. He’s gonna marry the first girl he lays. And she’s gonna treat him like shit because he’s gonna kiss her ass for giving him what he’s built-up in his mind as the end-all, be-all of human existance. She won’t respect him because you can’t respect someone who kisses your ass. It just doesn’t work.” I can’t think of what to do for your friend, man. Eventually he’ll see the light. I mean here’s my theory. Us normal folk had a few GF’s in HS, a few more in college, and a few more after that. We know what’s normal, we’ve screwed b4 and done all that stuff, and we know it’s not the be all end all of everything and it’s not definately worth shitty treatment by some woman who looks like a chimp. He’s got no clue. He’ll eventually make up for his lost time and learn on his own. BTW, is your friend’s first name greg, cause he sounds like a guy i used to know in high school.

The best you can hope for is to show him healthy relationships, ask him questions about his, and just try to show him the light, but unfortunately, you can’t make him see it. Occasionally ask him about bitchy things his girlfriend does. Do not paint her in a negative light, but try to get him thinking about the situation. The worst thing you can do in his situation is stop thinking, and that’s what he’s done.

 Dude. I know it hurts - but you're gonna have to do it. No one else WILL. I wouldnt flame you for judging a girl on her looks. Besides, if they just started dating and she's tis ugly ungrateful bitch for having the guys she has, then - in my *humble* opinion- she has no place in the man's life.

Let me tel you, if I was the guy in qustion, I would be much more gratefull a year from now if youd opened my eyes. Id kicked your ass around the block for 10 days straight, but Id realize you’re a much better friend for doing something as hard as telling your friend that her girlfriend is an ‘ugly, unatractive, ungrateful, and undeserving bitch’ (well, maybe not like THAT)
Just grab your balls off the floor and do it!

  I think you guys ar absolutely right - I woldnt touch the issue if they're in a relationship. However, YOUR friend has been with her for 2 days for crying out loud! They cant possibly be attached to each other yet, so itll be much easier to break it off now before they get in deeper. If you're going to do something do it now. By all means, do NOT focus on telling him what an ugly bitch she is, just simly point it out. 
 Simply tell him it's great he found someone, but that she doesnt appreciate him andhe can do MUCH better than her - and that being with her is bound to end in disappointment. Tell him you know frm your own experience that sh's no good news and that YOU dont want to see him disillusioned a few weeks from now. Take him for a night out to hook up with a few chicks! I honestly think you'll be able to improve his situation if you do it *sensibly* - befre they get in an actual relatoship that doesnt end until she's a fat ugly ass complaining about this and that all the time. Its our call

I meant your call lol. My mistake.

Two very different oppinions and all great advice. Ill keep you posted on how this works out. Nope, hes not Greg. Thanks everyone.

whew, thank god it’s not greg.

Dude, you’re going to have to tell him, because, as someone said, no one else will. It’s like a band aid, you gotta rip it off fast. Tell him everything as nicely as you can put it. But prepare for him to blow you off, too. Sometimes people aren’t ready to hear that shit about their girls. The important part is that it will put the ideas in his head that he can do better and that he deserves to be treated better. Even if he rejects your thoughts at first, he may break up with her sooner than if you didn’t say anything at all. Oh, and resist the urge to say “I told you so” when he kicks the troll-doll to the curb.

I think you might want to avoid saying " you can do better. " It’s probably one of those things he hates to hear.

DAYUM! This sounds exactly like a friend of mine. Except for the fact that my friend has dated and been with other people prior. But he’s with someone who can only be described exactly as you have described your friend’s new internet girl: “She is undoubtably one of the most unattractive people I’ve ever had the misfortune to lay eyes on…she bosses him around, is grumpy, and pretty much is the wicked witch of the west.” That describes my friend’s girl to a T. You must help your friend now! There is no time to lose. He needs to wake up and stop being hypnotized by medusa! She will ruin his life and his friendships! You must tell him that this is not a good situation. He needs to see what she will do to him! He must get out now before he suffers a life of misery!

whoa. What does it matter what you think? He is happy, let him fail and succeed on his own. You don’t find her attractive? I have a twin brother and our tastes are completely different. I am glad you want the best for your friend but you have no right to determine what his best is.

i agree with nate dog, I 've lost friends to their fat and ugly g.f’s. what they see in them is beyond me. she almost got him to turn on his own brother. if you do tell him to drop the skank just make sure he doesn’t think you want her fo yoself.lol. take him out to a bar/club, i’m sure his confidense is up and women will notice this about him since he has a “g.f.” now. Find some girls, slam some beers/shots and let the mouth piece flo.

Saving silverman…i went through the same thing with my best friend (expect without all teh internet stuff), they ended up dating for like 17 months. he was pussy whipped for the first 5. He never came out, she would get pissed if he hung out with me or our friends instead of her (or even with her most of teh time). but at some point he started to realize what a lil bitch he was being and took the strong hold of the relationship, she wasn’t too happy. Luckily my boy dumped her and he is happy with the decision, he posts here sometimes maybe he could offer you better advice. But my advice would be to keep after it, remind him he could do better and she is treating him wrong, he will thank u in the long run.

Don’t say anything. You will hurt your frienship with him – anyway, he needs to learn. Call it woman 101.