T Nation

Motivating and Training Your Wife

Okay…for the record? My wife’s body is a total work of God. She is a modern day Venus de Milo WITH arms. To be honest…we’ve been happily married for 13 years now largely because the first time I saw how good she looked nekkid I knew the memory was forever burned into my retinas. After pushing out 3 kids and the aforementioned 13 years…her body still ROCKS!

That said…SHE doesn’t feel the same way. Like lots of women (and girls) she’s not happy with her body…

SO…about 4 months ago my wife approached me and asked if I would teach her how to lift weights. I had mixed feelings about this. Here’s a top ten:

1 - I’m not really qualified to train someone. I’ve been lifting for 20 years. I can bench 365, squat and deadlift over 400. I’m 5’8", 185 lbs, 36 years old and I have 14% bodyfat. So, I’m in fairly decent shape and can lift a bit heavier than the average frustrated chump doing curls in the squat rack, but what do I really know ?!?!

2 - She has had 2 operations on her back…is lifting going to put her under the knife a third time ?

3 - When in the world will we find the time to do this with our 7, 10 and 12 year old sons needing our attention.

4 - How much hotter could her body get ? mmm…nice mental image…clear heels… sports bra…clear heels…

5 - Will she stick to it, or waste my time for 3 days and then decide it’s not for her because she doesn’t want to get big like Arnold and Hulk Hogan ?

6 - Wow…I could always get free shipping on my supplement order if I had to order Surge and HOT-ROX for her also…and…hey … no more feeling bad for spending a couple hundred on the damn snake oil tablets if she’s in on the scheme !

7 - Do I really want to be one of those pansies working out with a girl ?

8 - Maybe with an improved body image she’ll be confident enough to invite the neighbor’s 22 year old daughter over to take off each other’s clothes and attack me as a wedding anniversary present.

9 - What kind of self-centered jerk are you ? The love of your life, mother of your children, bosom buddy, best friend forever asked for your help in an effort to improve her health and you’re thinking you’ll be a pansy working out with a girl rather than jumping at the chance to help her and show her how much you love her and how appreciative you are of her doing the laundry day in and day out, cleaning the house, mopping the floors, shingling the roof, etc, etc…c’mon ya big jerk…get her to the free weights and show her your love !!

10 - Should I mention the 3-sum with the neighbor’s daughter before, during or after her first work out ?

So, I’m posting this here to share some of the difficulties we’ve had, some of the successes and some of the fun. Maybe it’ll give the women some insight into what’s running through their men-folk’s minds when you ask our opinion on your glute-ham tie-in for example…maybe it’ll give the men-folk a chance to see what works and what doesn’t when appraising your wife and/or girlfriend’s glute-ham tie-in…

I’ll see if I can get my wife to post every now and then to keep me honest.

Her First Time

Alone in the kitchen…lights low…kids down at their grandparents…she’s in front of me…bent at the waist…one knee up on a chair…back slightly arched…my hand on her hip… we’ve never done anything like this before…beads of sweat on her forehead…she’s nervous and excited and shy and yet strangely brazen…growling like an animal…loving what I’ve shown her so far and wanting more…and then…it’s over…before she’s ready for it to be over…

Wife: You mean that’s it ?
Me: Yeah.
Wife: It was barely an hour…
Me: Well…how long did you think your first time would last ?
Wife: I don’t know…
Me: Well it was about 59 minutes longer than our ‘other’ first time!

Okay…okay…so the first time I helped my wife lift weights WAS about as awkward as our first time in bed. There are quite a few parallels between exercising with your wife and/or girlfriend and making love.

You’re doing something together that’s enjoyable, has health benefits, can bring you closer together, leaves you tired and energized at the same time, can be quick and explosive, or last longer with less intensity, makes the world perfect…okay…sorry…I’m getting carried away…

because it’s not always perfect, easy or even good…so…here’s a list of what was good and bad about the first time I ran the ‘better half’ through a free weight work out:

  1. She was really, really enthusiastic. I’ve taught newbie, males how to lift in the past and you’d think they’re doing you the favor by how cool they act. Also, the males I’ve helped have tended to ‘know’ a lot more about lifting than I do…even though they’re curling away in the squat rack and believing the pimple on their bicep counts as growth.

I was actually a bit put off by her enthusiasm…it was such a different attitude than I’d ever experienced when lifting with someone that I didn’t know how to respond. So guys…be prepared to feel like you’re exercising with Elmo from Sesame Street.

  1. She had a LOT of questions. This is a good thing…but…it was driving me crazy. I didn’t know the answers to a lot of them. I’ve taught people how to play the guitar, the piano, soccer, football, how to think critically, tie their shoes, count by twos…basically I’ve taught a lot of people how to do a lot of things and the best thing about teaching someone is you realize how little you really know and it makes you become a student all over again.

So girls…maybe try to hold your questions until the end…I don’t know…maybe ask one or two per exercise…but…give us a break !

  1. She kept talking while lifting…made me lose my mind… .I got a full run down on her day while she was doing front squats…I might talk on a warm up set…but…after the first 5 minutes in the gym I ain’t talking to you except to tell you good job or push or put some more weight on the bar for me pretty please while I finish throwing up.

Guys…she can’t help it…they like to talk…once the weights get heavier…you’ll get a rest while they catch their breath.

  1. She looked really, really good with a hard, steel barbell in her hand.

  2. Pergo is not an ideal material to work out on. This was back in March and it was really cold in our garage so that’s how we ended up in the kitchen. The first workout was just with dumbbells. We didn’t use a lot of weight at all.

I think I had 10 lbs on there for all the exercises. It was just teaching her some basic moves. I ended up holding the weights in between her sets rather than risk breaking the floor.

  1. I was strangely not turned on…even though I thought she looked really, really good…it was almost like I was just admiring her as an athlete…it’s funny…I just now realized that when I look at women in the gym…I don’t get excited looking at them while they’re actually working out…

I don’t know if all men are like this…but if I see a woman lifting some serious weights…I’m looking at the weight and not their butt…now…once they’re walking to the locker room…there’s nothing to look at but their butts…so…my mind will wander…but…enough but (t)s…

  1. It was really fun ! Kind of like I had this passion for years that she never had any interest in and then all of a sudden she was interested.

Guys and gals…if your wife (husband) and/or girlfriend (boyfriend) wants you to teach them the iron game…jump on it !

I can’t believe your wife is as hot as you say - you better post some pics;)

I too, have gotten my wife into lifting with me. It is awesome. I get to stare at her and make rude gestures and faces without getting thrown out of the gym ( which is my basement). I’ve tried training her in the past, only I always worked her too hard and it would end after about 1 month.

I know better now and the results of slow and steady have been quite good. She’s really starting to come around and she feels a lot better about herself, which means more sex for me! Plus, it gives us more time together, something that is scarce with 3 kids (4,6 and 9). She even looks forward to working out, which never happened in the past.

DB

Supplemental Differences

The Biotest box arrived yesterday. I had ordered Alpha Male and ZMA pour moi. Se7en and HOT-ROX Extreme for my wife. I’d been going online and following the Fedex tracker info. every hour on the hour. I’m like a damn dog staring out the window waiting for my supplements to arrive.

When I get my supplement order I like to open the box and kind of ogle the bottles…shake up the capsules…listen to the rat-a-tat as I shake them up…kachink…kachink…heft the tubs of protein powders…toss 'em up in the air and catch 'em like a baby…who’s a good tub of Metabolic Drive ???

I day dream about the 5 lbs of whey protein inside my Whey Grow…drinking it down all at once… if no one saw me I might throw everything onto the bed and roll around with them…sorry…got carried away…

My wife’s a little different…she actually wants to know if it’s okay to take the HOT-ROX and the Se7en together…she actually wants to read the ingredients…wants to actually do some research before she takes the ‘minimum recommended’ dosage being sure ‘not to exceed 4 pills in any 24 hour period’…

I actually…um…never knew those warnings existed and would have happily crushed and freebased the entire 74 Alpha Male capsules in each bottle on a daily basis if I could afford it…

Turns out my wife is on a prescribed medicine that would interact with the HOT-ROX. She’ll be done with it next week, but I’m thanking God she took the time to look into it.

So…guys…if you’re trying to motivate and train your wife and/or girlfriend…let her take her time on the supplements. Think about it this way…remember back in college when you went to the keg party and you thought it was a good idea to stand on your head while sucking the beer directly out of the tap in order to wash down the 8 shots of tequila you just inhaled ?

Chances are your date was a little more cautious…chances are you ended up puking your guts out instead of cuddling and canoodling the night away with your date…sometimes it pays to go slow.

One other thing I’ve learned on the supplement side is…if she doesn’t want to take them…don’t try to make her. I can’t imagine not taking my Flameout, but…they send my wife to the nearest convenience to puke her guts out. I think she could get used to them…but…I’m looking for alternatives to suggest instead of guilting her.

I confess I did a little guilting at first…but… I started thinking about the whole picture. What good does it do to give someone a guilt trip ? It will only turn her off on exercising all together.

You wouldn’t make her try to squat 300 lbs if she wasn’t ready for it would ya? You might think she’d like you to get one of those tubes they use to shoot pills into horse’s mouths for her, in order to help her keep down the fish oil tabs…but trust me…been there done that and she’s not interested.

[quote]dollarbill44 wrote:
I can’t believe your wife is as hot as you say - you better post some pics;)

I too, have gotten my wife into lifting with me. It is awesome. I get to stare at her and make rude gestures and faces without getting thrown out of the gym ( which is my basement). I’ve tried training her in the past, only I always worked her too hard and it would end after about 1 month.

I know better now and the results of slow and steady have been quite good. She’s really starting to come around and she feels a lot better about herself, which means more sex for me! Plus, it gives us more time together, something that is scarce with 3 kids (4,6 and 9). She even looks forward to working out, which never happened in the past.

DB[/quote]

Hey DB,

Sounds like we’re in the same boat !

What kind of routine do you have her on ?

Hey man I feel you on your situation. I have worked out with my g/f for 2 years now and she has never missed a workout! She is amazing in the gym, she squats 135 for 3 reps with her being only 100lbs I think thats pretty damn good.

Anyway lifting is never her problem, its motivating and getting her to eat right. Regretfully I couldn’t motivate her like I do with my buddies… I tried that and she got PISSED “you called me a WHAT!!!”

The second part, being she hates anything with protein in it. Two years later and all she wants is pasta and wonders why she doesn’t put on more muscle. ::sigh:: so close yet so far.

Maybe some of the other gals can chip in here for some help?

My approach is pretty much take what I can get and don’t force anything. I figure eventually she’ll want to do anything to increase her numbers so the diet will fall into place.

You’re pretty verbose for a man.
Then again, I’m a woman of few words.

Your wife can do the same routine as you, with adjustments for lighter weight at first.

Best of luck to you both.

:slight_smile:

[quote]sen say wrote:
dollarbill44 wrote:
I can’t believe your wife is as hot as you say - you better post some pics;)

I too, have gotten my wife into lifting with me. It is awesome. I get to stare at her and make rude gestures and faces without getting thrown out of the gym ( which is my basement). I’ve tried training her in the past, only I always worked her too hard and it would end after about 1 month.

I know better now and the results of slow and steady have been quite good. She’s really starting to come around and she feels a lot better about herself, which means more sex for me! Plus, it gives us more time together, something that is scarce with 3 kids (4,6 and 9). She even looks forward to working out, which never happened in the past.

DB

Hey DB,

Sounds like we’re in the same boat !

What kind of routine do you have her on ?

[/quote]

I put her on Dave Draper’s Introductory program from Brother Iron, Sister Steel. Basically, it’s a full-body workout with 10 exercises of 2 x 12, with slightly more weight on the second set. I had her do this for 6 weeks, then moved her to 12 exercises at 2 x 15 (also a Draper workout). The plan was for her to go M-W-F, but it ends up being something different, more like M-Th-Sun-W-F-M sort of a thing.

DB

Training your wife is a great idea, no doubt, just make sure to lay plenty of newspaper on the floor and if she chews on your shoes, a bonk on the snout with a newspaper should do the trick.

By the by, to those demanding pictures, left-click the OPs avatar and drag to the box where you type in URLs. She’s the one on the right (in case you couldn’t tell.)

[quote]CrewPierce wrote:

Anyway lifting is never her problem, its motivating and getting her to eat right. Regretfully I couldn’t motivate her like I do with my buddies… I tried that and she got PISSED “you called me a WHAT!!!”

The second part, being she hates anything with protein in it. Two years later and all she wants is pasta and wonders why she doesn’t put on more muscle. ::sigh:: so close yet so far.

My approach is pretty much take what I can get and don’t force anything. I figure eventually she’ll want to do anything to increase her numbers so the diet will fall into place.[/quote]

Yeah…don’t ever try to motivate your wife and/or girlfriend like they were your buddy. If someone yells “C’mon ya fat, lazy, big-headed beeyotch” at me I can push out extra reps…you yell it at your wife and/or girlfriend and she’ll start to cry…

I find it’s best to motivate her through positive re-inforcement rather than the negative, belligerent comments that have always motivated me and my guy friends.

Saying, “Oh my god, your arms look soo good” while they’re lifting works well (but like any compliment…don’t LIE to them…they can tell)…"You can do it ! " is good also…positive, positive, positive…

My wife does a great job sticking to a diet plan if I put it together for her. Left on her own she does okay…but tends to not eat enough. Have you tried planning your girl’s diet ? I put my wife’s into FitDay and then she can see the macros and total cals and is fine sticking to it.

Look at it this way…you’d love to be surprised by her wearing a cheerleader’s uniform right ? Well…maybe she’s not ready to spend the TIME going out and buying the cheerleader uniform, maybe she doesn’t have the KNOWLEDGE of how good she will look once she puts it on, maybe she’s not willing to put the EFFORT into learning a few cheers with words that rhyme with luck, but if you got one for her (in a flattering color naturally) then she’d put it on…

time, knowledge and effort is involved in eating right…the more we can do to help our wives and/or girlfriends with this…the better we’ll all be.

I think you’re on the right path for taking what you can get and not forcing anything. Sounds like she’s lifting some pretty heavy weight. She COULD be spending 3 hours on the treadmill while drinking her starbucks and reading US magazine!

[quote]Yo Momma wrote:
You’re pretty verbose for a man.
Then again, I’m a woman of few words.

Your wife can do the same routine as you, with adjustments for lighter weight at first.

Best of luck to you both. [/quote]

I talk a lot with the hope that someday something intelligent will come out.

[quote] The plan was for her to go M-W-F, but it ends up being something different, more like M-Th-Sun-W-F-M sort of a thing.

DB[/quote]

She usually ends up Sat-Mon-Wed…or Sat - Mon - Thurs…with life and kids and everything else a planned session sometimes gets bumped, but she hasn’t missed getting 3 workouts in a 7 day period in 3 and a half months. I’m totally impressed that she can go from hanging out at a b-day party, or sitting by the pool to hitting the weights.

[quote]sen say wrote:
A bunch of funny stuff
[/quote]

Just wanted to say I’m really enjoying this thread.

Cheers.

Take Her In Your Arms and Tell Her

“Thanks.”

Thanks for taking an interest in lifting heavy. You’re going to make our life together so much better (though how it could get any better when it’s already perfect is a mystery), but when we’re together 40, 50, 60 years from now and you and I are still squatting and lunging and thrusting together, our health will be 100 times better than the average frustrated chumps doing their water aerobics.

Thanks for taking the time to work on your body. I LOVE how hot you are. I married you and/or made you my girlfriend(s) based somewhat (okay a lot) on what you look like and dammit…you’re doing a great job keeping yourself hot.

The only wanderin’ eye I got baby is when it wanders from your glutes to your abs down to your thighs, up to your breasticles, down to your shapely calves back to your glutes, etc, etc.

Thanks for supporting ME when I work out ! I know you want the pool drained, yard mowed, roof re-shingled, your closet re-organized, dinner at 6:00, dry cleaning picked up, sheets changed for the neighbor’s 24 year old daughter making her weekly visit to take off her clothes and help you attack me, etc., but…you’re waiting patiently for me to finish my workout and I thank you for it.

Thanks for taking an interest in eating clean and healthy. And especially thanks for not getting mad at me when I was less than kind when you told me you had eaten 2 tablespoons of peanut butter for breakfast, morning snack and lunch yesterday. I really didn’t mean to snort derisively.

Thank you for keeping your ass so firm and shapely and not making me feel like you-know-who’s husband at the pool last week when she was walking around in her white pants and her ass was so fat and not shapely and it was framed by her big-ass, white, cotton, granny, panties with big seams that you couldn’t help but notice, because it looked like she was trying to smuggle out the pool cover.

Thank you for doing ALL the wife and/or girlfriend things EVERY wife and/or girlfriend does (cleaning, cooking, taking care of kids, dusting, vacuuming, taking care of me and making me feel loved and important) AND making (not finding) time to work out !

Guys…don’t wait…do this now !

Don’t Make Her Chateaubriand If You’re a Ham Salad Kind of Guy

I know the title says it all, but I’ll elaborate in case anyone doesn’t entirely understand.

I do a lot of cooking. Just one of the many, many, many reasons my wife married me was she thought I was pretty good at it (other reasons include my incredible animal magnetism, extremely high intelligence, mind blowing sexual prowress, modesty and my strong, silent-typeness).

For her b-day our first year together I made the mistake of trying to grill steaks for dinner. She loves grilled steak. I hadn’t grilled a lot being more of a braiser. Her b-day wasn’t the BEST EVER as the steaks were overcooked.

I’ve gotten a lot better at grilling, but it took a lot of education, practice, patience, and a lot of ruined meat. Training and motivating your wife and/or girlfriend requires the same education, practice and patience or you’re gonna ruin her meat.

My wife started hitting the weights in early March…so…like 4 months ago. I started her on Chad Waterbury’s Total Body Training program. It’s a great, easy to use program…lots of big compound movements…basic stuff…simple…like me.

She loved it. Then, since everything was going so great, I figured ‘hey, why not screw things up?’ and put her on Chad’s Figure Competitor program. After 2 workouts she was frustrated and ready to quit and I didn’t know what to do to motivate her (there’s like twisty exercises and it’s a circuit…things as foreign to me as the correct spelling of chateaubriand)…but…didn’t she want to look like a figure competitor !!! And Chad is definitely The Man so shouldn’t she just do what his program suggests ?

Anyway…after the 3rd workout her back was busticated. She’s had 2 back operations and I was beating myself up for hurting her. Fortunately, she took a break for a week and everything was cool.

During her time off I decided to stick with what I know and what I know is basics. So, we went back to Total Body Training. The only problem we had was that the program calls for different set/rep schemes and different exercises throughout the 8 weeks the program lasts.

She got very frustrated as we tried to ‘dial in’ the correct weights for her to use on the ever-changing set/rep scheme and different exercises. Some weights were way too heavy, some way too light. I decided we’d just go with 35 on Mondays, 38 on Wednesdays and 2*15 on Fridays and stick with 6 basic exercises mixing in d-bells and barbell work.

It’s working well. Here’s her work from yesterday (which ended up being a 2*15)

Overhead Presses: 21537

D-bell Lunges: 11516
11510

Rowers: 21560

Deadlifts: 21565

Bench Presses: 11547
11347

Bench Squats: 21591

120 seconds rest between sets.

She’s starting the 4th week of this progression. After the 4th week I’m planning on taking a break from it for a week. I’ve been edu-ba-cating myself and she’s been learning also. We’re talking about a week of the Figure Competitor program again and then back to what she’s been doing.

So anyway…guys…when you first start training your wife and/or girlfriend don’t jump in too quickly. Teach her what you know. If she wants more…learn it and then practice it with her patiently.

Think about it like…um…sex…the first time you blew it up I’m guessing you hit the missionary and maybe her on top and then 30 seconds later you explained how this never happened before…then…after maybe the third date you felt comfortable enough to throw her into the ‘double-akimbo-mushi-heron’ position (found on page 1,118 of Sen Say’s Advanced Sexual Positions For You And Your Wife And/Or Girlfriend(s) To Try This Weekend available online for only $19.95).

This is a really assinine statement. Why don’t you try training with the girl that I was benching next to the other day. She was benching 235 for reps. My wife, who my pansie ass works out with, has me looking at this girls ass because it is just that perfect.

Really poor statement man.

Considering her back issue I’d follow Bill Hartmans advice for core testing.

Before lifting over 20% of her bodyweight she should achieve the following:

Plank: 2mins
Side Plank 1:30ea
Isometric Back Extension 2mins

You may find a left right imbalance on the side plank so correct that as you train.

Other than that teach her good form and slowly increase the weights.

I’d also work on mobility as per Mike Boyles advice.

[quote]Andrew Dixon wrote:
Considering her back issue I’d follow Bill Hartmans advice for core testing.

Before lifting over 20% of her bodyweight she should achieve the following:

Plank: 2mins
Side Plank 1:30ea
Isometric Back Extension 2mins

You may find a left right imbalance on the side plank so correct that as you train.

Other than that teach her good form and slowly increase the weights.

I’d also work on mobility as per Mike Boyles advice.[/quote]

Good on ya ! I’ve been meaning to get her to do planks. What’s an isometric back extension ?

Her back is actually feeling better than it has in years. We had a bit of a scare Tuesday when she had some soreness from Monday’s deadlifts, but it was just ‘normal’ soreness from a good workout and nothing neural.

(Hold on…let me look up neural on dictionary.com to make sure I’m spelling it right…nothing more asinine than spelling a 50 cent word wrong when you’re trying to look smart…wait a minute…let me make sure asinine only has one ‘s’…yup…just one ‘s’ in asinine yessiree bobbeee)

Her form’s really good and we’re increasing the weights very slowly. One thing that was frustrating to her was the weight not being heavy enough. We started with the bar for pretty much every exercise and have increased the weights in 5 lb increments. It took about 3 months before she ‘felt’ the deadlifts and squats.

Thanks for the plank info. ! I’ll check out Boyle’s info. too. I’ve also been thinking about getting the Maximum Mobility DVD. Have you used that ?

5 Guys to Avoid

I just wrote the most beautiful post. It involved a campfire, advice regarding motivating and training your wife and/or girlfriend, analogies, tear-inducing stories and ended with making BCAA s’mores. Unfortunately, I hit the Esc key and (like the guy that made Jamie cry) it’s gone forever. Well…I guess some would say fortunately.

Anyway, ladies, girls, women, t-vixens…you might never find the perfect man to help motivate and train you, but here’s a list of 5 qualities that will ensure your guy’s not the guy for the job.

  1. The ‘but’ guy.

If you find yourself saying, "I love everything about him BUT (insert what you don’t love about him). Chances are, that’s the only thing you want to love about him. For example, “I love everything about him, BUT he says I shouldn’t go to the gym so much”.

You’ve made a decision to get ripped and shredded and Romeo doesn’t want you going to the gym? Say your dream was to be a registerend nurse, but he didn’t want you going to nursing school or spending time at the hospital. Makes it kind of tough huh?

  1. The guy that wants to compete with you. A lot.

Know what? I can press more weight than my wife and/or girlfriends. Know what else? I don’t ever mention it. Know why? I’m much, much bigger than they are and I’ve been doing this a lot longer.

I eat differently and I train differently and it’s unlikely they could ever press as much as me. (I’m NOT saying a woman can’t lift impressive amounts of weight ! I know there’s women out there that can mop up the gym floor with my sorry carcass.) I’m saying watch out for the guy that has to ALWAYS let you know you’re not as strong/big/tough/fast as him.

If you’re curling 35 lb d-bells and he’s gotta ‘swing’ 40 lbs in a wild arc and call it a curl? Run. Some competition can be healthy and fun…the kind where you get to occasionally win…if he’s ALWAYS the winner…run faster.

  1. The dream stealer/dream giver

I knew a girl that was a cheerleader from the time she was born. She was an all-state high school cheerleader. She cheered for the University of MD. She coached High School cheerleaders. My friend was fortunate enough to date her. She finally got to cheer with the Baltimore Ravens.

My friend told her she was too old and looked ridiculous. Said she’d look better dressed conservatively and working as a school teacher. She quit cheering. Got a job as a school teacher. Do I need to mention I’m not friends with them anymore? Some guys have a hard time dealing with sexy, successful woman.

If you’ve got a swim suit taped to your butt and you’re wearing clear heels on a stage that doesn’t have a pole on it…you’re a sexy, successful woman. Most people can’t get their bodies that tight and lack the confidence to enter a competition.

If your guy is insecure, he may try and knock you down a few rungs since he won’t pull himself up. He’ll delete your lofty dreams and replace them with his own feeble ones. Signs to watch out for are him calling you fat. In fact…if anyone ever calls you fat you shouldn’t consider them husband and/or boyfriend material.

  1. Passive Aggressive Guy.

Okay…you’ve been training hard all week and eating great. Friday night comes around and your husband and/or boyfriend shows up with a pizza and a six pack. You decline his food and say…let’s hang out together…you eat pizza and beer…I’ll have water and grilled chicken.

He has a fit and calls you a kukalukabajuh and leaves. You feel bad. Invite him back. Eat the pizza and beer. Who was really responsible for the fight ? Wasn’t you. Let him and the pizza roll.

I knew a woman that was getting ready for her first figure competition when her boyfriend proposed. He wanted to schedule the wedding the Saturday before her competition. She said no. Had to be after the competition. He said no…his aunt Hazel couldn’t make it then. The week before or no wedding. If she didn’t love him more than her competition…no wedding. Why’d she have to look ‘all sexy’ anyway now that she caught a man. Luckily my friend showed him the door. Make sure you do also.

  1. The Needler

Ever bring a fellah home that can’t understand why you cook all day Sunday to pack your food into little containers? Ever find one that thinks it odd you weigh your food? Ever made the mistake of telling one that you take kind of nudie pics of yourself just to gauge your progress ?

Ever mention gluing your suit to your butt? Okay…okay…to the uninitiated these can seem kind of …um…different. The right guy to be your husband and/or boyfriend will understand and be encouraging.

The wrong kind will make fun of you…gently at first…but…then as you show more and more signs of becoming attached to him…he’ll needle even more…tell his friends in front of you that you practice walking in clear heels and then he and all his ‘buds’ will laugh and if you get upset…he’ll say…“wha? I just jokin’”. You might not mind a little joke here and there…but ask yourself how you’ll like it 5 years from now as it gets less and less funny. You’ll like it about as much as being stuck by a needle over and over for five years.

So there’s my kid of recap of the best post ever written. Sorry the campfire has gone cold. Sorry I don’t have any BCAA s’mores left over and sorry that the creatine laced hot chocolate is cold.