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Mother In-Law Advice

Dudes-

I have an awesome girlfriend. We’re pretty serious and talking about getting married/engaged. Problem is her mother is the most incredibly over-bearing, controlling person I have ever met in my life. Not only does she do this with my girlfriend, but with me as well. It really worries me because

a) its fucking annoying as hell
&
b) it will undoubtedly get worse if we get married

Just to give examples, she has to voice her opinion on EVERYTHING…and then assumes we’ll take her advice because she’s the “matriarch” of the family. For example, she assumes and has made comments implying that we will be living close to her if we get married. Another example is I mentioned that I wanted a pit-bull. Her immediate comment was that “my grandkids will not be around pit-bulls”. Of course now that she’s spoken, she assumes I will take her advice.

This same scenario can basically be repeated dozens to times with different topics. Its espicially difficult for me because my own mother has too much class to ever interject her opinion in other people’s business.

Any advice in dealing with this kind of thing? Its REALLY FUCKING ANNOYING!

[quote]OKLAHOMA STATE wrote:
Dudes-

I have an awesome girlfriend. We’re pretty serious and talking about getting married/engaged. Problem is her mother is the most incredibly over-bearing, controlling person I have ever met in my life. Not only does she do this with my girlfriend, but with me as well. It really worries me because

a) its fucking annoying as hell
&
b) it will undoubtedly get worse if we get married

Just to give examples, she has to voice her opinion on EVERYTHING…and then assumes we’ll take her advice because she’s the “matriarch” of the family. For example, she assumes and has made comments implying that we will be living close to her if we get married. Another example is I mentioned that I wanted a pit-bull. Her immediate comment was that “my grandkids will not be around pit-bulls”. Of course now that she’s spoken, she assumes I will take her advice.

This same scenario can basically be repeated dozens to times with different topics. Its espicially difficult for me because my own mother has too much class to ever interject her opinion in other people’s business.

Any advice in dealing with this kind of thing? Its REALLY FUCKING ANNOYING![/quote]

If a gal is great, but her parents are that bad, let her go. You’re life will be a living hell with this woman.

If that’s not an option, stand up to her, right now. the more you remain silent, the more she thinks she’ll get her way.

Be polite as possible, but stay firm.

I’m no authority on this - but what does your girlfriend have to say about it?

Wait until you decide to marry.
Once that decision has been made, tell her that the foolishness stops…period.

If you don’t have the balls to handle it, you need to move on to another woman with a nice mother.

Any other advice is total Oprah bullshit.

How does your girlfriend deal with her mom and does she know it’s this much of a problem for you?

Does she always follow what’s said or can she ignore and make her own mind up about things?

I think I can see your point here. I would say you can easily ignore it. Think about the end consequences:

You get a pitbull (great dog if properly trained and well diciplined) after you get married to your GF. What is you Mo-inlaw going to do? get pissed off? how does that affect you? She will eventually get over it and find something new to bitch about. Some people just need things to whine about and people to control. She will likely have contrary opinions to almost anything you do or say. It may not be that those are even her opinions, it is just that she needs to be contrary about things, anything. for example:

You want to put kids in private school. She will inevitably find a reason why that is bad and public or homeschool is better. If you wanted to put them in public school she would tell you that private school is the only option.

If you wanted to serve only healthy food to your kids she would inevitably serve them horseshit food at her place just to undermine you. If you were to go laisse-fair style and let your kids eat anything she would criticize your lack of parenting and the fact that your kids are fat.

Either way you are fukt unless you just nod and smile and ignore every left-handed word out of her mouth.

So basically just go however you wish with your GF and ignore her mom. I mean, is she going to kidnap your GF and take her to uzbekistan? unlikely. So long as your GF is rational about it and isn’t easily indoctrinated by her mom.

There is nothing you can do to change your mo-inlaw. so either live your life by her standards, which will be impossible, or do whatever and don’ live anywhere near her. God forbid you live near her you will have unending exposure to her negative zen.

As an experiment you should start agreeing with everything she says and then doing the exact opposite. When she says her opinion (which im sure is frequently) agree whole heartedly and then do the opposite. example:

She says “Those damn homeless bastards are dragging this economy down. I can’t stand the homeless and I don’t thin there should be homeless shelters!”

You say: “yeah, fuk the homeless big mama! Eat the poor!”

Then go and volunteer at the homeless kitchen/shelter that weekend. When she finds out simply deny any recollection of saying “Eat the poor!” Then agree with her again next time she talks about homeless people. It’s so fun pretending to be multiple-persona.

have fun,

-chris

I would sit down with your girlfriend and mother in law and just talk it out. Let her know how you feel about the situation. Maybe no one has ever told her that she is overbearing, but if you get it out in the air, it might be better for everyone.

And even if you do get married, and she still tries to force her will upon both of you, in essence, she really can’t do much. If she says you are going to stay close to her, and you take a job 1000 miles away, it would be unfeasible for her to move, and there is really nothing she can do about it.

If all else fails, tell her you have converted to a Sooner fan. BOOMER SOONER!!!

Thats some tough shit.

My fiance and I presented a united stance that her parents need to step back, and keep their unsolicited opinions to themselves, OR they would not be included in our lives.

When they violated this, they were excluded. It was explained to them why, then enforced.

When they were ready to co-operate and interact again, we let them. They got the point and haven’t violated it since.

Sometimes parents are like kids. If you don’t present a united stance, you will be divided and fall.