My new wife & I ( almost 9 months ) have our money together. The first 4 months we did not have our money together. It was my idea to put it in one account together. She has been without a job for about 4 months now & I think maybe we should go back to seperate accounts. She have her money & I’ll have mine. I feel she’s getting lazy looking for a job. I believe if we go seperate again with each others money she’ll try harder to get a job instead of playing mindcell on the computer, when she should be looking for a job. Am I right? I’m busting my butt in the sun as a tennis pro & personal trainer. How many of you out their have seperate banking accounts? How does it work between you? What are the postives & the negatives of doing it that way? Thanks.
I got married in feb. and if I had any concerns about keeping our money together I would not have married her. how whould you feel if you get hurt and are out of work, or you loose your job and are out of work and SHE said she NOW wanted seperate accounts?
You are married. You’ve made a commitment to share your life with this one person until the death do you part. You need to learn to communicate better and work together to solve your problems.
I've been married for almost 3 years now and we have had a joint account from day 1. It helps us to set goals together and learn how to sacrifice our own individual needs so that we can do what is best for us.
My folks had separate accounts when I was growing up. They both worked and divided up the bills that each took care of–mortgage, water, heat, phone, food, etc. It seemed to work pretty well for them. My husband and I have a variety of accounts, and although we are both signees on all of them, it more or less works out that we have our own. Our personal paycheques are deposited automatically into two different accounts. Certain bills are paid off of the accounts, depending on the size of the bill. He earns more, so he gets the bigger bills. It works for us. However, there is no “my money and your money” in our marriage. I think you need to work out these issues before a huge rift develops in your relationship. You need to talk to your wife about your financial concerns and spell out the needs of your partnership. If you go back to separate accounts, are you going to let her go hungry until she finds a job? When you get married, the “this is mine, and that is yours” is supposed to become “these are ours”. If you don’t have that mentality, you need to work on it.
You’re married… that’s a joint venture. Your money is her money and her money is your money. Just ask anyone who’s gotten a divorce. If she’s not looking ‘hard enough’ for a job there may be other reasons.
I have been out fo work for 2 and a half months. I have never felt so worthless or discouraged. I have been unable to get interviews, few return phone calls even. The job market where I live is bad to say the least. I have been depressed and irritable and extremly 'down' about everything. Everything is overwhelming. I've had days where all I do is sleep and surf the net. She may be experiencing the same thing.
'Punishing' her by separating your bank accounts will not encourrage her to find a job, it will most likely make her more frusterated and angry. It most liekly is not her fault that she is unemployed, and she most likely has not turned down jobs... so what's your problem? Try being more supportive, perhaps come up with a budget and stick to it, so that it is a bit more obvious that her lack of job if hurting your finances. Trust me, she is probably painfully aware already.
Do you know a good divorce lawyer? Sounds like that is where you are heading.
We have separate accounts because my wife has her own business. Do you have separate refrigerators? Do you sleep in separate beds? Marriage is about sharing. Sharing efforts, sharing success, and sharing pain sometimes. If you think she needs to work harder at getting a job then talk to her about it. She should be enough of an adult to not need the carrot and the stick.
My wife and I have three accounts. One for our joint interests and separate accounts for our businesses. We also each have separate retirement accounts. It is not a issue of trust, as we hold monthly planning sessions and reviews. Just ask Wonder Woman (Lyndia Carter) what happens to you joint account if one spouse is sued.
Take my advice, use the money. Make it a power play. Force her to bend to your will. If she doesn’t comply, you withold food. Respond to every negative comment with, “At least I have a job.” Open every sentence with, “I wonder what the unemployed are doing tonight?” Then say, “Oh, you are unemployed. What are you doing tonight?” Be sure to tell her how proud you are of your neighbor who actually has a job. If you let her keep using you for money, you will receive a C-. If you do everything I say, to the letter, you will receive an A. Good luck, tennis playing Greenman.
My wife and I have one account, both checks in both checks out. Works great for us. Michelle I’m sorry to hear about your lack of success in your job search. I thought for sure someone would have grabbed you by now. I have been there. Keep plugging.
I don’t seen anything wrong with having separate accounts, as long as it’s something that is agreed upon from the beginning. I plan on doing the same thing. I think it’s best that way, especially if one person is irresponsible with money.
Nate - there is nothing wrong with separate accounts, as long as it is discussed and agreed upon from the start (Though if the marriage ends all accounts are marital property regardless.) However, according to the post, they have a joint account and he wants to split it to punish his wife. (No, those weren’t his words, but that sure seems to be the attitude.)
SD - thanks. I'm trying to get some training now, to add VB and ASP to my resume. We shall see. Keep your eyes peeled, I got an 'interesting' freelance job recently. *grin*
If budgeting is a concern a good method
can be to have three accounts:
- A joint account into which all income
goes, and from which all “family” expenses
like the rent, utilities, etc. go.
2 and 3) Individual accounts which have
an agreed amount put into them each month,
which each is free to do with as he or
she pleases for various expenses which
are optional and individual.
This way each person has their “own money”
that they can spend without having to be
concerned with the other being mad about
“their” money being wasted; things purchased
as gifts for the other really are gifts rather
than taking “their” money and spending it on something they’d chosen NOT to spend it on, etc.
Where this or similar systems can fail is where one person is so inconsiderate as to consistently blow their budget (for example, blowing money playing bingo or whatever) and still need money that the other has to pay. So if that’s a fundamental problem then this isn’t a sure fix, but it can be an improvement.
I am setting my own business, an adult oriented website. Send me your full size pictures in various positions and maybe we can fix something up for you.
hmmm… lemme think about that…
um... no. *grin* But let me know if you need that sight designed or coded! *rolls eyes*
Hey just beat her to the punch and spend all the money first on supplements before she has a chance to get to it. Then she’ll have to get a job.
Michelle, I did not write that post to you about the adult web site. Someone thinks they are cute. I hope the censors take the time to check this out. There is only one LightandFluffy. Sorry some dink used my name. I would not insult you thus.
If you’re thinking about it, I want copies too!
laugh No worries! I wasn’t exactly offended by the offer! grin
and Char... I wasn't really thinking about it
What do you charge to set up a site? I am in the process of launching #4. You may remember checking out my sites earlier this year. We use modified off the shelf sware for the carts, and the sites are mostly just on line stores and lead generators for the main business. Site #4 will be at lawmanlab.com and carry forensic and crime lab equipment, in addition to ultrasonic weapons cleaning gear and a thing called the Penetrator (picture a super soaker that fires X-rays). I love my current guy but he is SLOWWWW and is buried. I expect him to be slower soon, as he and I are featured in a trade magazine this month and that will generate more biz for him. If interested, please send an Email to the contact link on any one of my sites. Include links to some of your past work.