So saturday afternoon I was basking in the sun at my apartment, getting some sun, checking out a few babes and praying I don’t run into my ex girlfriend at the pool. While I was there, I seen one of the most rapant cases of child abuse that seems to be going on at an alarming rate.
He could barely walk. He sure as hell couldn’t swim. He looked to be about 10 Im guessing. He was the fattest kid Ive ever seen in my entire life. Im talking flat out obese. He looked like the Michelin Man
I was honestly speechless. Obviously he didn’t wake up one day and look like this. No, someone was behind this madness of abuse. Somebody was feeding this monster and plopping him in front of a television 6 hours a day. Then I seen her. She was beached nearby the pool, thankfully wearing a one piece bikinni because I don’t think my eyes could have handled a two piece.
The whole soiree was quite sad. When Michelin Boy finally got into the pool, he was outfitted with an gigantic swimming tube big enough to fit an adult. Hell, it could have been a tire. And not some small tire, Im talking one of those tires you see rap star riding on in hip hop videos. Yes, Michelin boy was riding on 20’s my friend. He was straight pimpin.
I really didn’t know what to say. Could I say anything? I mean I couldn’t exactly pawn off a T-Nation plug to his mom, that would be like trying to explain geometry to the crew in “One who Flew over the Cuckoos Nest”. He was obviously ostracized from the rest of the small children in the pool. So i did the only thing I could think of - I picked up a volleyball, hoped into the pool, and broke out an impromptu game of marco polo, and got michelin boy involved.
Hey, he needs to start somewhere.