As some of you may know, I lost my father on November 25th of this year. After 14 months of misdiagnosed back pain my dad was rushed to the hospital in unbelievable pain. Despite a high white blood cell count the internist medically cleared him and he was admitted to psychiatry. The diagnosis was that he was sufferring from somatic delusions (i.e., the pain was in his head). They took him off all pain medications except for a tylenol every four hours and let him lie there in agony. When I visited my dad he told me that he was scared and that he was dying. He told me that he was rotting inside and that he was slowly shutting down. I assured him that all was fine. He hugged me the tightest I’ve ever been held and said “I love you Mark”. This was the last time I heard those words from my dad.
A week later his heart failed and he was admitted to the intensive care unit. They discovered that his bowel had lost its blood supply and been rotting for the whole time. His kidneys shut off and his heart had stopped. After a week of fighting my dad finally lost his battle.
I want to thank my dad openly for making me the man I am today. I want to thank him for teaching me the things I know and for instilling in me the qualities that make me a true T-man. Dad, it is because of you that I am the person I am. I want to tell him that I love him. The sad truth is that I’ll never get to tell him this.
All I ask is that this Christmas, while you have the chance, take the day off and tell everyone how you feel about them. There may not be a tomorrow.
Wow. That was really powerful. You might not have had the chance to say it to him but I’m pretty sure he knew it. He knew what was going on when the doctors didn’t and I’m sure he knew how you felt.
You gave good advice about telling people how you feel. I’ve been doing my best to live that way for some time now. This Christmas in the interest of long term family harmony I won’t be telling my mother in law how I feel about her. It’s a good plan for just about everyone else I know though.
Damn, Kinetix, I am really sorry to hear that, man! What a touching story.
And there is a lesson there for all of us, that’s for sure.
Me and mine offer you all the best, will keep you and your family in our prayers, and hope that you can find some peace and comfort during this Christmas season.
Thanks everyone for your support. I’m sure my dad was with me over Christmas in spirit, but I hope that the rest of you had a chance to appreciate those around you.
This was the most valuable bit of advice I have seen in a post this year!
Sorry to hear about your loss. It is obvious that your Dad raised a good son. Most people wouldn’t be able to eloquently express their feelings for a loved one that way that you have done here.
I am sure that your Dad is beaming with pride right now.
I lost my Dad almost 2 years ago. Christmas time makes me miss him all the more. If you’ll allow me, Let me tell you my story.
My wife and I were going to a company Christmas party in Calgary in Dec 2001. We were to fly to Vancouver and then to Calgary but the weather was very bad in Vancouver and Air Canada wasn’t taking off from Vancouver. So we thought we’d make the best of it and visit with my Dad and my sister and her family for the weekend. the last time I visited my Dad was a few years before. We missed the party but had a good visit.
The next March my Dad was pretty sick. He had met my oldest daughter a few years befor but hadn’t met my other daughter. I really wanted him to meet her. I took a weeks holidays and flew the family down to Vancouver on March 15. (Anybody know Shakespeare?)
We got in late on the Friday and decided to just go to my sisters where we were staying.
The next morning we went out to “Codfathers” in Port Moody for brunch and then the bunch of us went to Dad’s place to visit.
His car was in the drive-way, but he didn’t answer the door. I called his house number and I could hear it ringing inside but he didn’t answer the phone.
It took a while to find a crow-bar but we got one and broke in. My sister and I ran in. (I remember thinking he’ll be pissed off at the mud I was tracking in.)
We stopped at his bedroom door. I told my sister to give me a minute and I went in, closing the door behind me.
He was laying in his bed. There was an undescribable stillnes in the air. I grabbed his hand.
I really feel for you, brotha. I lost my dad 12 years ago next Febuary 29th. On a whim, he decided to go back to the P.I. after 30 odd years. I was 22 at the time. After everyone said their goodbyes, my dad turned to me and said “I’ll be back in 2 weeks…don’t burn the house down.” And smiled. A week later I was notified that he had a massive stroke and died. He finally came home 3 weeks later. He passed away 16 days before his 45th birthday.
Your dad knows you love him as my dad also knows I love him. As sad as it is, take heart in the fact that he left you with one of the greatest gifts of all…his legacy. Everytime you look in the mirror you will see the good work he’s done in the short time he was on this earth.
I feel for your loss as well. I can only imagine your feelings at the time.
I have learned many lessons from this whole experience though. I suppose my father is still able to teach even though he isn’t here. I don’t take anyone or anything for granted now. I make an attempt to live each day as if it were my last and to not “wait until later” to do things I dream of doing.
I’ve also learned the value of looking ahead for your family and putting money aside so that they can live on without worry when you’re gone. My Dad really did think about our futures and it comes across stronger now than ever.
My Dad’s death was the starting motivation for working out. He died of a heart attack(he was coughing and vomiting, if your heart can’t handle that, it can’t handle much.)
I ain’t going out like that!
Mark…
I know that your dad would be proud of you. You have risen above the anger and are handling the situation with maturity and grace. You have learned a valuable lesson. Not taking people for granted can be quite the feat at times and you have managed to do this.
It does take a man…a T-man…to be able to do this.
Your dad did have an enormous impact on the man you have become today. He instilled values that you don’t see too often these days. That’s a rare thing and you are very lucky to have had that in your life. Hold on to that.
He’s still with you. Especially since you are allowing him to continue to influence the way you live.
Yes…despite your incredible loss…you are very lucky.
I’m proud of you too.
What a true eye opener your stories really are. Not taking even one moment for granted is the best advice.
My story is similar to Billy’s except it involves my grandfather.
I was sharing an apartment in Ft. Lauderdale with a friend when my grandmother passed away (a stroke 3 days after Hurricane Andrew - but that's another story). Not wanting to be alone, my grandfather started staying over at my mom's. After about 2 weeks, he asked me to share his condo with him. I accepted. We lived together for almost 2 years. In that time I taught him how to cook and to eat healthier. In return, he taught me how to play golf although you wouldn't be able to tell that now. We had become more like friends than most other grandparent/grandchild relationships. He was 82 when I moved out (getting married). He was in excellent health, played golf 3 times a week, walking the course instead of riding. He had gotten to see 4 great grandchildren come into this world. My wife and I would visit him often with my 2 children. Then one day, we were in the area. It was after work, on a Friday, and I was tired. My wife had suggested that we stop by and see Pop. I said I was tired and just wanted to go home but we would call and see if he wanted to come for dinner over the weekend. We called on Saturday morning and got no answer so we left a message. We tried 2 more times that day with the same result. On Sunday morning I went to play basketball at 9:00 am. When I got home at noon, his number was on my caller I.D. When I called back, my mom had answered and gave me the news. My grandfather passed away, in his sleep, on Friday night. I kicked myself for weeks over the fact that we could have seen him that evening if I wasn't being selfish. It taught me a hard lesson about capturing each moment as if it's your last and I can rest easier knowing that he knew he was loved and appreciated while he was with us.
Sorry this is so long but reading this thread really brought back some great memories.
My best goes out to both of you for a Joyous, Prosperous, and safe Holiday.
Truely, truely gut wrenching. I can only imagine how hard it is to lose someone close to you. Thanks for sharing your stories. Escuse me as I go cry where no one can see me…;o)
Here’s to a uplifting new year and to happier times! Tony
My deepest condolences to you and your family. Be the man that your father taught you to be in honor of him and pass that on to your children, it would be a great way of honoring and remembering him.