The name issue is something I'm struggling with currently. I took my ex-husband's last name at 23 and kept it after the divorce because it's my kids' name and because I've built a reputation-based career on it. Those things are still true, but now here I am, married to someone else and carrying a name I acquired in a previous relationship.
Luckily none of the people involved are putting any pressure on me whatsoever - both Hockey and my ex assure me they're fine with whatever, kids say the same. My plan, loosely, is to sort of slowly segue my current last name to a middle, as if it were my maiden name, and then tack Hockey's name on as my legal last.
But it's hard. If I had it all to do over (first marriage) I'd have hyphenated my maiden name with his and had the kids carry both. It seems to make more sense to me in today's world.
So you have John Smith marrying Jane Doe, she becomes Jane Doe-Smith, kids are Janey and Johnny Doe-Smith, and then if they divorce and she remarries she can now be Jane Doe-Jones. All of the name-indicated relationships remain true and accurate, and the kids' names are tied to parentage regardless of status.
Not because of feminism, but because of the reality of our times (which may connect to feminism, but that's beside the point).