T Nation

Men Taking Their Wive's Last Name


#1

https://fox25boston.relaymedia.com/amp/news/more-men-taking-womens-name-after-marriage-study-says/538514677

Would you do it? Have you already?

What are your reasons?


#2

my girlfriend has a cool as fuck hispanic name. I’d definitely take it


#3

Just a hunch–is it Oso?


#4

embarrassingly - I had to google that. Entiendo un poco; no mucho


#5

No worries. It takes a real oso of a man to admit he had to google something.


#6

If she is famous and her career depends on name recognition, I wouldn’t have a problem with that. I wouldn’t mind being Paul Gadot. :heart_eyes:


#7

Yeah,

I would never consider for one second taking my wife’s last name. But at the same time I would not force her to adopt my last name either. I always thought that practice to be a bit chauvinistic and never really understood why it continues to persist even today. Definitely don’t believe taking your wife’s last name shows that you support feminism either though. But to hell with it man. Down with the patriarchy. Its time to redistribute the privilege.


#8

Might do it. Neither me nor my girlfriend are super keen on taking the other’s name. Don’t really know yet how we’re going to decide. Propably rock, paper, scissors or something like that.


#9

Would any of you hyphenate your last name?

I wouldn’t not would I take her last name, but she’s not required to take mine either.

My kids get my last name though.


#10

I hate hyphenated last names I would rather it just be one or the other.

Regarding this thread, there is a very good chance my kids will one day be the only ones child bearing age with my last name. So if they are all female the only way for my name to survive another generation is for one of their husbands to take their last name. Anyone who is against the idea of the male taking the females name, is this an acceptable case?

For feminism purposes its a horrible idea though. Although I can see the case if you have a super common last name and the female has a more unique one maybe that isn’t too bad now that I think of it.


#11

The name issue is something I’m struggling with currently. I took my ex-husband’s last name at 23 and kept it after the divorce because it’s my kids’ name and because I’ve built a reputation-based career on it. Those things are still true, but now here I am, married to someone else and carrying a name I acquired in a previous relationship.

Luckily none of the people involved are putting any pressure on me whatsoever - both Hockey and my ex assure me they’re fine with whatever, kids say the same. My plan, loosely, is to sort of slowly segue my current last name to a middle, as if it were my maiden name, and then tack Hockey’s name on as my legal last.

But it’s hard. If I had it all to do over (first marriage) I’d have hyphenated my maiden name with his and had the kids carry both. It seems to make more sense to me in today’s world.

So you have John Smith marrying Jane Doe, she becomes Jane Doe-Smith, kids are Janey and Johnny Doe-Smith, and then if they divorce and she remarries she can now be Jane Doe-Jones. All of the name-indicated relationships remain true and accurate, and the kids’ names are tied to parentage regardless of status.

Not because of feminism, but because of the reality of our times (which may connect to feminism, but that’s beside the point).


#12

The problem that arises is what do your kids do. They are Doe-Smiths and if they marry a Johnson-Jones, their kids are Doe-Smith-Johnson-Jones. Their kids will be Doe-Smith-Johnson-Jones-Williamson-Barnett-Evans-Revere. It gets ridiculous after a few generations.


#13

Hmm, true.


#14

Fuck. No.

Because it’s tradition, and it’s completely arbitrary. I think the people arguing against the arbitrary tradition are the ones that need to make a case for it. I haven’t seen anything resembling a coherent argument on the subject.


#15

I wouldn’t take my wife’s name. If she asked me to I would walk away. My fiancé is not going to take my name, but she’s a doctor and co-owner of a practice, so I understand and have no problem with that. I think some of my friends have raised an eyebrow about this, but fuck them.

Our children will have my name.

Edited for my bad grammar


#16

This. Totally agree.


#17

I felt the same way but it was reversed. If he was insistent I change my name we weren’t a good fit. I wouldn’t insist anyone change their name. Your name is your name.


#18

My point of view is the exact opposite. “We’ve always done it like that” really isn’t a legitimate argument for doing something a certain way.


#19

I always thought it would be interesting for a couple to choose a new last name together as a way to start their new family, so both people could choose to have the same last name, based off of something that meant something to them instead of something neither of them had anything to do with.

I think the whole last name thing is odd. The fixation men have in particular with their name/legacy carrying on via their last name is weird to me (I had my dads 7th grandchild, a boy after 6 girls, and he was over the moon that the family name would get to live on), considering its really the genes that matter. My sisters child is every bit as much my dads legacy carrying on as my child is. 99.9% of the world doesn’t know me or my family, and I dont know 99.9% of the rest of the world… Given that, I’m not sure how important my last name being out in the world is.


#20

The title of the thread (wives) suggests multiple “wifes”. I guess if I had a harem I would jumble all their last names together and use that.

But in seriousness, in my profession of academia if a wife has made a name for herself by publishing multiple articles by the time she gets married, she rarely takes her husband’s last name. But, I haven’t seen the husband take her name, either; they just keep what they had. Some guys seem a bit bugged by that, while others could care less.