T Nation

Men: Don't Get Married!


#1

Yet another reason for American men to never marry, at least, never marry an American woman. Heartbreaking video.

http://www.examiner.com/x-12866-Domestic-Violence-Examiner~y2009m8d25-Compelling-video-tells-a-story-of-divorce


#2

You shouldn’t be allowed to marry while in the military until you serve 5 years. Get too many of these guys that marry the first piece of ass that comes along because they want the extra pay and need somebody to watch their place while they are deployed.

I live near Whiteman AFB and I see this shit happen all of the time. Guys marry the town jizz jar before going overseas then come back to a bunch of strangers living in their house boning their spouse.

Of course it would be nice if the government made it illegal for any member of the military to be divorced 6 months before/after deployment and while deployed.


#3

[quote]GhorigTheBeefy wrote:

Of course it would be nice if the government made it illegal for any member of the military to be divorced 6 months before/after deployment and while deployed.[/quote]

Wouldn’t that only punish the poor sap who is getting cheating on?


#4

[quote]Uncle Gabby wrote:
GhorigTheBeefy wrote:

Of course it would be nice if the government made it illegal for any member of the military to be divorced 6 months before/after deployment and while deployed.

Wouldn’t that only punish the poor sap who is getting cheating on? [/quote]

No because he/she couldn’t take all their shit through the court system when they couldn’t even show up to defend themselves because they are deployed. Now a problem that is really hard to solve is that their spouse will almost always have power of attorney while the military member is deployed. This makes it so the non-military spouse can do whatever the fuck they want with the house/money/etc. But, if they couldn’t be divorced they’d still have a chance at not getting fucked over in court plus they may actually have the right to see their children.

All in all it’s a shit sandwich and I’m amazed that there hasn’t been a series of vets murdering their spouses when they get fucked over like this. Course this has been going on for centuries and even though most of society looks down on these people it still doesn’t seem to stop it.

Hopefully, we’ll see some type of divorce reform in the future but I wouldn’t hold my breath for it. I think it is going to take something extreme to really motivate any type of reform…like people murdering their exes. Because as it is we don’t hear about too many judges, lawyers, or women losing sleep over the situation. In fact most women seem to sleep soundly on their ex-husband’s pile of money after they were just pig roasted by the pool boy and plumber.


#5

they just need to make it that both parties need to be present in the court room to actually have a divorce hearing? Or for an opt out be able to prove beyond reason that you have at least the ability to be there but choose not to.

or just not marry crazy bitches.


#6

Wow. Are those stats accurate? That’s staggering news. This country has a long way to go to reach equality when it comes to children and all too often the men get the short end of the stick.


#7

Yeah, it is fucking crazy. Guys who get married nowadays run more than a 50% chance of having to pay for your ex’s cost of living expenses for the rest of their lives. 75% of all no fault divorces are actually initiated by the woman. And let’s not forget the shit storm that will be visited on the man if children are involved.

Little wonder why many American men are putting off marriage or making sure they sign a prenup. You have to be fucking nuts to do so otherwise.


#8

[quote]GhorigTheBeefy wrote:
Uncle Gabby wrote:
GhorigTheBeefy wrote:

Of course it would be nice if the government made it illegal for any member of the military to be divorced 6 months before/after deployment and while deployed.

Wouldn’t that only punish the poor sap who is getting cheating on?

No because he/she couldn’t take all their shit through the court system when they couldn’t even show up to defend themselves because they are deployed. Now a problem that is really hard to solve is that their spouse will almost always have power of attorney while the military member is deployed. This makes it so the non-military spouse can do whatever the fuck they want with the house/money/etc. But, if they couldn’t be divorced they’d still have a chance at not getting fucked over in court plus they may actually have the right to see their children.

All in all it’s a shit sandwich and I’m amazed that there hasn’t been a series of vets murdering their spouses when they get fucked over like this. Course this has been going on for centuries and even though most of society looks down on these people it still doesn’t seem to stop it.

Hopefully, we’ll see some type of divorce reform in the future but I wouldn’t hold my breath for it. I think it is going to take something extreme to really motivate any type of reform…like people murdering their exes. Because as it is we don’t hear about too many judges, lawyers, or women losing sleep over the situation. In fact most women seem to sleep soundly on their ex-husband’s pile of money after they were just pig roasted by the pool boy and plumber.[/quote]

My friend’s wife blew through about $50k worth of his money and then some while he was in Iraq. Same thing - he came home and other people were living there. That was the end of that marriage. Luckily, no kids.

My other friend’s ex uses the kids as leverage over him all the time. Her family has money so she completely screwed him over with her attorney.

My mother-in-law blew through around $1.5 million and then some (2nd mortgages, etc) that she got from my father-in-law in their divorce.

Strangely, though, men continue to get married, though the average age at which a man gets married continues to climb.


#9

[quote]PRCalDude wrote:
My friend’s wife blew through about $50k worth of his money and then some while he was in Iraq. Same thing - he came home and other people were living there. That was the end of that marriage. Luckily, no kids.

[/quote]

That sux but the really sad thing is it happens all of the time. Like I said I’m 15 miles from Whiteman AFB so I see this crap all the time. When I was working at Walgreens as a cashier I’d get all kinds of skanky ass bitches coming through telling me how they are fucking over their bf/husband. I was just amazed that they’d tell me this like it was something to be proud of.

A chick that worked as an overnight cashier was married to some Airman who was pretty much the only guy in town not tapping that diseased ass. She claimed she used to be a stripper and was pissed because she gave up that life when she married him and he wasn’t making her enough money. Who knows if her story is true or not because she maybe had an ok body but her face and teeth were terrible…which probably means she was a stripper…at least in the Warrensburg, MO area.

Now this mainly happens to men but I’ve heard of the same horror stories happening to our ladies that are in the service. The whole thing is just really unfathomable to me. The crap these people pull is something you might do to your worst enemy not to somebody that is supposed to be the love of your life. Shit if it isn’t working out that’s fine but don’t fuck over the person who is serving their country when they can’t even be there to try and make the situation better. Plus you should know when you marry into the military wtf that entails.

I don’t know if I’ve said it on here but I personally don’t have a problem with divorce being easy. I just think getting married should be a fucking huge pain in the ass super long ordeal to make it legal. Too many people don’t take their promises/vows seriously anymore.


#10

If theres one thing that I learned while in the military its that marriage and deployments,or even just relationships, do not mix. I was stationed in Japan for a while and my roommated was always fighting with his girlfriend back home. Whenever I came into the room he’d just be lying in bed with the lights off and the room reeking of farts and frozen pizza. Im sure he put on at least 20 pounds while we were there.


#11

[quote]Charlemagne wrote:
Yeah, it is fucking crazy. Guys who get married nowadays run more than a 50% chance of having to pay for your ex’s cost of living expenses for the rest of their lives. 75% of all no fault divorces are actually initiated by the woman. And let’s not forget the shit storm that will be visited on the man if children are involved.

Little wonder why many American men are putting off marriage or making sure they sign a prenup. You have to be fucking nuts to do so otherwise.[/quote]

American? Fuck, just men in general.


#12

[quote]erik206 wrote:
If theres one thing that I learned while in the military its that marriage and deployments,or even just relationships, do not mix. I was stationed in Japan for a while and my roommated was always fighting with his girlfriend back home. Whenever I came into the room he’d just be lying in bed with the lights off and the room reeking of farts and frozen pizza. Im sure he put on at least 20 pounds while we were there.[/quote]

Distance makes the heart grow fonder…to a point of about 2 weeks. My GF did an internship at the Smithsonian for the summer a few years back and that was brutal. We didn’t fight or anything and I was completely supportive but it was still hard. People just don’t have a firm grasp of what it is really going to be like. “Oh they are gonna be gone that will be great just like when they were gone for a weekend.”

Bills still have to be paid and you have to try and keep a level of intimacy going over a long distance…plus lots and lots of angry masturbation. We both just threw ourselves into our work and I lifted hard while she had fun doing archaeology shit.

Now they the real take home point we should all take from this is that if you need to score…drive by a military base and let those skanks get a whiff of your skeet.


#13

This is almost word for word the story of a good friend I lost two decades ago. I had never thought about how wide spread it is for this generation.


#14

[quote]GhorigTheBeefy wrote:
You shouldn’t be allowed to marry while in the military until you serve 5 years. Get too many of these guys that marry the first piece of ass that comes along because they want the extra pay and need somebody to watch their place while they are deployed.

I live near Whiteman AFB and I see this shit happen all of the time. Guys marry the town jizz jar before going overseas then come back to a bunch of strangers living in their house boning their spouse.

Of course it would be nice if the government made it illegal for any member of the military to be divorced 6 months before/after deployment and while deployed.[/quote]

Sorry, but a military man gives up enough of his freedoms I think he should be able to marry when ever he wants. That’s like saying you shouldn’t be allowed to marry until you make 60K a year or you can’t have kids until you finish college both of which are ridiculous.

If they want to fuck their lives up let them. It’ll teach our military personnel to be responsible for their actions. Some lessons are harder to learn then others.


#15

[quote]usmccds423 wrote:
GhorigTheBeefy wrote:
You shouldn’t be allowed to marry while in the military until you serve 5 years. Get too many of these guys that marry the first piece of ass that comes along because they want the extra pay and need somebody to watch their place while they are deployed.

I live near Whiteman AFB and I see this shit happen all of the time. Guys marry the town jizz jar before going overseas then come back to a bunch of strangers living in their house boning their spouse.

Of course it would be nice if the government made it illegal for any member of the military to be divorced 6 months before/after deployment and while deployed.

Sorry, but a military man gives up enough of his freedoms I think he should be able to marry when ever he wants. That’s like saying you shouldn’t be allowed to marry until you make 60K a year or you can’t have kids until you finish college both of which are ridiculous.

If they want to fuck their lives up let them. It’ll teach our military personnel to be responsible for their actions. Some lessons are harder to learn then others. [/quote]

Lol, ok so when are they going to fucking learn it then? It’s been a couple of centuries and the vast majority are still fucking up. The sad thing is the military attracts some of the best of people but for the most part it is made up of the bottom of the barrel of society. You give up a lot to serve in the military so the only people willing to accept that are selfless or it’s the best option they have.

Now your point about making so much per year and being college educated before marriage/children isn’t a bad idea. Do I want any of what you said or my idea about military marriage implemented? NO! It’s just an idea to provoke a discussion. The main subject of this thread is getting fucked over in marriage with a focus on military personnel and what can be done to stop it.

Now a possible solution could be making so that any serviceman/woman isn’t eligible for the increase housing allotment for being married until they have put in X number of years. Course you’d run into problems of people that are already married and or have dependents before they go into the service. But, I’d like it if the military could come up with a plan to dissuade their members from getting married just so they get extra cash.

“Bro I’m getting married so I get a couple extra bucks each month for housing. This on top of my deployment pay not being taxed and I’ll have hella bank when I get home next year. Then I’ll go on vacation with my still new to me wife and we’ll have a nice ceremony since this one was rushed.” YEAR GOES BY! “Hey where is my dog? Where is my Wife? Who the fuck are these people living in my house?”


#16

As someone else said the problem with military relationships is that you have many which are young kids away from home for the first time, going out getting drunk at the e-club and meeting, ‘falling in love with’, and marrying another young kid. Their kids without much maturity and have to learn the hard way under extremely stressful conditions i.e. deployments/separation that a relationship is more then having party partner to bone.

D


#17

[quote]GhorigTheBeefy wrote:
“Bro I’m getting married so I get a couple extra bucks each month for housing. This on top of my deployment pay not being taxed and I’ll have hella bank when I get home next year. Then I’ll go on vacation with my still new to me wife and we’ll have a nice ceremony since this one was rushed.” YEAR GOES BY! “Hey where is my dog? Where is my Wife? Who the fuck are these people living in my house?”
[/quote]

Right we call that a contract marriage and I agree it is a very dumb move on our serviceman’s part to enter into this contract; however, just because there are a few idiots that enter into contract marriages and get royally screwed doesn’t mean the rest of our servicemen shouldn’t be allowed to marry. As you said many enter the service because they have kids or are already married and can’t support them and the military is a great opportunity to make a good living.

The problem goes much deeper then the military. The real problem is people get married for the wrong reasons. If regular Americans that can live where they want, work where they want, and go where ever they want don’t get married for the right reasons why should we expect our military personnel to do so?

The only way society will change is if people learn from their mistakes and grow from them. Hopefully the next generation will learn from those currently fighting through divorce or whatever and marry for the right reasons.

As an aside the only reason I really care is because I got married after only 2 years in the service, went through 2 more deployments, and am still married today. The reason I’m still happily married is because I married the woman I love not a woman of convenience. Everyone needs to learn the difference.


#18

I returned in March of this year from a 14 month deployment in Iraq. Even in strong marriages, like my wife and I have, it can still be difficult. Luckily we don’t have kids yet. I can’t imagine being deployed with a wife and kid(s) at home.

One thing I caught in the video that doesn’t make sense; a Sergeant First Class makes far more than 48k a year, which is what the narrator claimed he made.


#19

[quote]Dustin wrote:
I returned in March of this year from a 14 month deployment in Iraq. Even in strong marriages, like my wife and I have, it can still be difficult. Luckily we don’t have kids yet. I can’t imagine being deployed with a wife and kid(s) at home.

One thing I caught in the video that doesn’t make sense; a Sergeant First Class makes far more than 48k a year, which is what the narrator claimed he made.[/quote]

Plus, I’m not an army expert, but doesn’t it take a few more than 5 years to become a sergeant first class? What is that an E7?


#20

[quote]usmccds423 wrote:

The problem goes much deeper then the military. The real problem is people get married for the wrong reasons.
[/quote]

Agree

[quote]usmccds423 wrote:

The only way society will change is if people learn from their mistakes and grow from them. Hopefully the next generation will learn from those currently fighting through divorce or whatever and marry for the right reasons.
[/quote]

We’re fucked

[quote]usmccds423 wrote:

As an aside the only reason I really care is because I got married after only 2 years in the service, went through 2 more deployments, and am still married today. The reason I’m still happily married is because I married the woman I love not a woman of convenience. Everyone needs to learn the difference. [/quote]

I appreciate your service and I truly hope you know how lucky/smart you are. You sir are in the vast minority which is really sad.

BTW when do you go on deployment again? I can never get your wife on the phone since she is so paranoid now that you are back. JUST TEASING

I wish the military had a kind of intro to the military program that was required before you go to basic. Kind of like the cool down programs they have for vets coming back from deployment…only this one would work. In this program everyone would get basic finance counseling and the whole you are on your own shit and you need to grow up and have plenty of time to get married. Because unfortunately most servicemen/women fail at finance and relationships quite miserably.

I remember when I was at field training a few summers back for AFROTC this Tech SGT had a brand new BMW, awesome golf clubs, and no debt. He showed us that even though he didn’t make mad bank he was able to afford all this nice stuff because he had virtually no mandatory expenses that the military didn’t pay for. Wish more people would take a page from his book.