I appreciate the let off.
I think it was just the context of the conversation. I take my kids to childcare, but I also help with taking care of them ie childcare. It is unusual to phrase it that way here, though.
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You canāt make gains while posting between sets, blasphemy!
Iād argue that any workout that makes you hate a set enough to put it off is doing something right.
You might have to do your own punctuation there, that sentence looks a bit of a mess.
Gotta do something while that 2 minute timer expired.
No joke: when I was running Deep Water, Iād read Seanbaby articles during my rest times so I could remember what joy and humor were before the next set came by to take them all away again.
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Lying on the ground swearing is still a valid way to pass time.
I found that reaction to be involuntary.
Ok, I have sidetracked the thread enough.
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This is absolutely critical. I can be in a legitimate argument, even over something serious with my fiance. It doesnt matter, before we go to bed or work, we say I love you and completely disengage. It has the added benefit of allowing us to discuss more rationally when we/if we resume the conversation.
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I think the concept of āfairā rather than āevenā is really important. When my husband is in town for the work week he does all the cooking because I donāt get home until around 7. When heās away I prep for myself. Itās not even, but itās fair. I do more of the cleaning, he does more of the outside stuff. Weāre both happy with it. We do a LOT together, though. Dishes, changing out sheets, stacking firewood unless Iām at workā¦we occasionally score-keep, but not very often.
My ex used to do most of the grocery shopping while I stayed with whatever babies were in play at the time (4 kids less than 5 years apart, so it was like an episode of Rugrats at my house). Heād take one or two of the bigger ones and have āquality timeā with them. He preferred it over being with 2-3 babies, which I didnāt mind, and the kids loved going with him. It seemed fair to us both. I was a stay at home mom once I became pregnant with #3, but it took both of us running full-out to manage things well, and we both like homemade food and a clean house. So again, not even, but fair.
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Right, this is key. My wife and I donāt keep some running tally, we just naturally take on more or less of the load as our schedule allows. Like, if one of us is sick, the other just picks up the slack; we donāt just say āNuh uh, thatās YOUR job!ā because we know in the long run itās pretty much even anyway. And if it turns out that we get out a calculator, crunch all the numbers, and Iām doing 56% of the housework, who really cares?
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This is definitely a good albeit difficult tactic.
What aspect makes it difficult in your eyes?
I think for a lot of people, disengaging from emotions is difficult. At least for one side. Which usually doesnt allow the other side to disengage by proxy. Understandably so. For most people I think itās easier to workout the argument, or just learn to admit your wrong doings early, instead of disengaging.
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Iām kind of confused by what you mean.
Basically, for the majority of people, disengaging the argument unsolved is difficult. It may just be worth spending a couple of hours to come to a conclusion. If either party cannot disengage, it makes it impossible for the other party.
Oh I see.
I must prefer half-psycho women with low self esteem and daddy issues.
'cause thats who I always end up with
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If youāre saying ānip it in the bud before people get too invested in the argument, or worse, emotionally flooded,ā I agree. If youāre saying flooded people find working through easier than retreating, Iād have to disagree.
I can almost always say āI donāt want to be in a fightā to my husband and have him respond that he doesnāt want it, either. That generally ends it. (Clarifying: I canāt always reconcile immediately. But when I do try, heās always amenable.) I donāt think heās ever been the one to say āletās not fightā but Iām less fully open to his half-assed efforts to end things once he arrives there. So I guess weāre somewhat balanced. Iām quicker to stop a fight from forming, but a little more entrenched once it has.
What I like about us and our fight style is that itās not ever punitive, which was my experience growing up and one I replicated in my first marriage. My ex-husband didnāt want to end fights or negotiate differences, he wanted to win them and he wanted me to lose.
I never feel like thatās a thing where I am now. I can tell he wants me to feel happy, not defeated. Generally in the immediate aftermath of an argument we each agree to whatever the other wanted at the start of the disagreement. We donāt like being at odds, and we donāt like the other disappointed.
My best friend will say, āSome things are worth fighting about. Most arenāt.ā Sheās right.
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I think itās difficult to force yourselves to get through an issue when youāre both angry and tired. I think in some cases you need time to work the issue out yourself before re-engaging so to speak and if itās at the end of a long day that makes not going to bed angry difficult.
As I said, itās good practice that we do our best to follow as well I just think it can be difficult at times.
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Nowadays I just say āSorry, it was my mistakeā because I wanna get some sleep.
It doesnāt work when she counters with a āWhat do you think you didā or ādo you even know why Iām angryā. Then Iām like (FUCK!!) because I know the next day at work is gonna be rough.
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