T Nation

Maybe We Deserve to Be Ripped Off


What was she thinking? How about nothing? How about who gives a shit? How's that for an answer, Sheila Marikar of ABC news, you pinhead?

I'm not one of those curmudgeons who freaks out every time that Bradgelina moves the war off the front page of the Post, or Katie Couric decides to usher in a whole new era of network news with photos of the imbecile demon-spawn of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. I understand that we live in a demand-based economy and that there is far more demand for brainless celebrity bullshit than there is, say, for the fine print of the Health and Human Services budget.

But that was before this week. I awoke this morning in New York City to find Britney Spears plastered all over the cover of two gigantic daily newspapers, simply because she cut her hair off over the weekend. To me, this crosses a line. My definition of a news story involves something happening. If nothing happens, then you can't have "news," because nothing has changed since the day before. Britney Spears was an idiot last Thursday, an idiot on Friday, and an idiot on both Saturday and Sunday. She was, shockingly, also an idiot on Monday. It will be news when she stops being an idiot, and we'll know when that happens, because she'll have shot herself for the good of the planet. Britney Spears cutting her hair off is the least-worthy front page news story in the history of humanity.



Did you hear that Anna Nicole Smith stopped being an idiot recently?


I doubt he is cutting one dime from Medicare. I would love to see the actual numbers.

Anytime he slows the rate of growth it is called a cut. These types of reports are mostly lies.

Getting a 10% raise instead of a 15% raise is not a pay cut.


So are you saying she is a brain surgeon type on Tuesday;)

By the way, I agree 100%


I don't get how people even find that remotely entertaining... oh well, I suppose I could always move into the woods.

Ana's death is completely irrelevant to me, or anyone I know personally, yet somehow, its flooding the news, people die, if you choose to report people dying, why don't you find one of the myriad of better people who died that same day? Someone who actually contributed positively to society. Stupid bitch.


Did anyone else have a moment of silence for Brittany's hair or was it just me?


99 % of all statistics are made up on the spot.


I had a moment of silence for the poor little lice that she murdered when she cut off her hair. Where is PETA when you need them?


I can say this with some certainty, if that news story on the lice is true, then this girl is trully messed up. All that money, all those handlers and hanger-ons, and she can't afford one person that can tell her that there is lice treatment at Wal-mart? Messed up indeed.


Find that delusion in you're mind, put an imaginary circle around that feeling / thought and get rid of it.


You obviously didn't get the joke, fuckwad. So find that fat part of your head, draw a target on it...and put a bullet in it.


meh, the editors knew what was going to sell more papers. Frankly, i think its more interesting then how bush manipulated a bunch of numbers i dont really understand. It sounds bad, but what do i know about how those reports are structured? how many variables, etc there are?

So long as that info is in the paper, what matters whats on the front? Id argue that someone who only pays attention to the front page of the paper is too lazy to care anyway.


The media is designed to take the public eye off of real issues. Yes... while Canadians and Americans alike give tax money to kill inocent people in some country they never cared about in the first place, people are talking about Britney's hair...

Your tax's are paying to kill people... but don't worry.. you are still a good person.


Yeah, like Howard Hughes, but without the intelligence of course.

I'm curious what would happen if she and say, Barry Bonds, had a lovechild. Would that result in some type of media supernova, where the news is just too big and ends up destroying the entire media industry?

If it did, we need to make this happen ASAP.


That's a load of b.s.

Every one knows that 104.28175% of all statistics are pulled out of Bruce Lee's ass.

Now quit making shit up!


You have no idea what you're talking about... But don't worry.. You're doing it anonymously.


Dammit, Zap! I was just about to agree with ssn for the first time ever, and you had to get all logical and shit...

Thanks, I guess.


Yeah. She looks so gross, cutting her hair like that....

Wait did you say tax cuts? And Medicaid?

Anyway. Why do you guys think she cut her hair?

And what's up with Anna Nicole Smith lately? Is she still dead?


Anna Nicole Smith has officially become the first person to ever be higher maintenance in death than she was in life, and she seemed pretty high maintenance before she died. Wow!


all statistics are fake 87.3% of people know this, while 12.6% are still just worried about the hair(.1%margin of error)