T Nation

Master Masturbation

Even though it’s widely accepted that masturbation doesnt have an actual scientific basis to hamper performance in the long run, well except for guys like TC, that have an emotional and subsequent physical bond with this form of high art, it can very well cause non-optimum performances to occur, by causing you to go into a state of chemical relaxation.
With my vast experience I have managed to write a generic (Hi Ian) programme for all to use in combination with any level of masturbation, whether you’re a grand master whacker-offer or a novice sleeper-weener keeper, it doesnt matter.
Ive put together much emperical data to finally give you the information you require. First off, DO mastrubate. Its good for ya’(1).
Nuff said.
Now heres exactly when you should oil the chief officer whilst ensuring that it will not negatively impact your workout.

WHEN TO HIT IT OFF ONCE

If you plan on having a single good squirting session then allocate six minutes to this deed 24 hours before an upper body workout and atleast 42 hours before a lower bodyworkout. If you’re going to just do aerobics, then whack off any time since guys that do aerobics are jerk-offs anyhows.

WHEN TO WHACK OFF TWICE

Now you must refrain from upper body workouts
for a minimum of 32 hours and lower body workouts atleast 49 hours. For anyone who wants to do aerobics only then do it any time before you hit the mighty ol’ treadmills, since you’re all jerkoffs anyhows.

A THIRD TIME?

Yeah right you can do it three times in a row!

Utilizing the results of my intense studies and practices into this taboo realm I hope Ive cleared up the many confusions you guys ever had.

AMIR

What has your research shown to be the optimum type of porno? I’ve found that Christy Canyon is very effective. What about dvd vs. vhs?

If you can’t hit the big daddy three times you’re an amateur my friend!!! :wink: