T Nation

Massive Update


In this week’s T-Nation:

Single Guys vs. Married Guys by TC

Yoo-Hoo, Yao Ming, hemorrhoid cream, Sumo wrestlers, 17th century poetry, lemon Pledge, Tampax, Gilligan, and Zercher Squats. I bet him he couldn’t get them all in one A-Dog. I now have to clean the office toilet for a week. Damn.

Training Economy by Joe DeFranco

Get huge spending only two and a half hours a week in the gym. The Pro-Maker tells you how.

Cy-BORG by Cy Willson

From paper steroids and appetite suppressants to money shots and protein intake, the CY-BORG is back to cover it all.

The Warrior Nerd, Part II by Dr. Lonnie Lowery

Reduce your training load, get bigger. Really.

Stretch Mark Mass by Don Alessi

You’ll scream. You’ll cry. You’ll grow like a weed!

News and Reader Mail

Longitude comes up short, Bally’s busted, Muscle Media mauled, and Atkins defended.

Click here for the new butt kickin’ articles!

I’m a big fan of yoo-hoo.

you need to make more of those t-vixen pictures…get the vixens on the forum to model for it…would make a sweet background.

Vixen backgrounds:

These are the old ones. We have some unreleased new ones that are way better.

“We have some unreleased new ones that are way better.”

Fuckin release 'em, dammit.

i second tme, tell TC to give them up!!

Here’s another of the older ones. These were drawn by the same guy who does the Tomb Raider comics.

The new backgrounds/wallpapers are mostly of the new tribal T-symbol. I’ve only seen one of them - very cool, very 3D. I guess Tim and the gang are saving all the new stuff for the big graphics change we’re supposed to be launching soon. It’s going to be pretty darn mind blowing.

They look like regular whores. They don’t even look athletic or the least bit muscular…

Well, Greek, we tried real hard to get them to work out, but as it turned out they’re cartoons.

We even had the artist put a dumbbell in one of their hands, but wouldn’t you know it, it was made of ink and did not provide enough load to induce hypertrophy.

“They look like regular whores. They don’t even look athletic or the least bit muscular…”

Regular whores stay in business because heterosexual males like them. There’s not as big a market for manly whores.

I like regular whores.

nor strong enough to crack your back when they wrap their legs around you…

Chicks need glutes and triceps, lats too. Just enough to show. Except the glutes, they should be big.

This weeks re-run AD is simply one of the best pieces TC has ever produced and I’ll tell ya, he’s produced a lot. Not even counting the time he ran out of the bathroom insisting that Timmy P “Come look!, Come look!”…the image of Timmy coming out of the bathroom holding a tape measure while reaching into his wallet to hand TC a fiver still haunts Carrie the receptionist late at night.

Of course the fact that TC was shouting “Yeah!!..whole oats and a whole case of pepperoni’s baby!” doesn’t help around dinner time either.

Insightful down to the all too accurate tangerine tinged tools (yeah, I know…you are wondering what the fuck TC was doing in your gauch aren’t you?..He says he has pictures too so I would do whatever he says) and delivered with the simplicity of a Yoo-Hoo metaphor that each and every man among us can relate to. The elegance of TC’s prose can be summed up in his response to my suggestion that he just might be good enough to do this writing thing for a living:

“Fuck off”

O.K…a little shy on the prose part but eloquent in it’s simplicity. TC puts out consistently entertaining stuff, smart, clever and relevant… the kind of stuff that makes me wish I had his game…so a big thanks to the AD for making Fridays so fucking funny.

Will TC be remembered in any sort of structured Hall of Fame type way?

I sure hope so, and when he is I fully expect that beneath his picture will be the quote:

“like an angry weasel trapped in a gunny sack.”

We should all be remembered so well.

“Eagles may soar in the clouds, but weasels never get sucked into jet engines”

~ Jason Hutchison

Been there. Except in my case, my quest for the fine scent of Yoo Hoo resulted in a nose full of moth balls and some minor memory loss. My neurologist said that I should be fully recovered, at least I think that’s what he said - I can’t remember.

Did I mention that sniffing moth balls can result in memory loss?

Doogie,

Not manly, just a little more meat, not necessarily muscle. I don’t like those little skinny waif looking girls.

Skinny models you keep those,
I like big corn fed midwestern hoes

Kid Rock

Cake,

Always an inspiration. Your little essay has caused me to add another rule to The Bear’s Rules for Good Living and Avoidance of Psychological Trauma.

Right after Rule # 17, which states, “Never use the words ‘naked’ and ‘grandma’ in the same sentence,” comes New Rule # 18:

Rule # 18 - Two men should never walk into the men’s room carrying a tape measure unless at least one of them is a professional contractor.

MTB ~ Thank you but I am uneasy to be an inspiration to anyone.

See, when I was a young lad in Jr. High school I “Inspired” our History teacher Mr. Wilson to retire. This was a good thing because Ms. Wilson had been on a bit of a decline for years and as nutty as she was, the fact that she knitted her own sweaters out of cat hair gleaned from the 36 she kept at home disturbed even 14 year olds. Well, that and Carrie Fedoricks exceedingly advanced breast development.

The biggest difference was that when you “accidentally” brushed up against Carries breasts you didn’t smell like pee for the rest of the afternoon. I think my preference was obvious then and still is today.

Anyway, after Kooky old Ms. Wilson we got Mrs… Graphe…young…fit…pretty…well endowed (yes, even bigger than the legendary Carrie Fedorick…until Carrie hit High School anyway)…quite distracting really.

Ever since then my schooling was secondary or possibly third to mammilla gaping.

I coulda been a lawyer.

“I’ve never let my school interfere with my education”

~ Mark Twain

Dude, Cupcake, what the fuck. Hahah