T Nation


Between myself, DocT and Say I think the whole America vs Iraq thing has been done to death (thank you both for strong opinions and arguments!!) and I suggest a new topic…MARRIAGE!

To some its a dirty word not to be spoken in polite( especially male!) company but to others its a state to aspire to.

I only ask as I am getting married this year and I want to know what it is people look for in a prospective life partner.

I consider myself lucky. My wife to be is the most caring and understanding woman I have ever met. She is tolerant, easy going but strong of mind, engaging and very very cute!!

So for me it can be summed up as cute, engaging and understanding.

Opinions and thoughts anyone???

P.S Drun whilst sending this mail!

Dude! I have been SO through the wringer on this one on another board.

Slowtwitch has been through this over the last few days due to (1) the announcement of Lance Armstrong separating from his wife Kristin, and (2) the posting of an article by one of the regular writers about her split with her husband. It’s been quite a thread, and it ain’t over yet.

Any way, I remember an illlustration on a tape that I’ve listened to many times titled “Kaking Love Last a Lifetime.” It goes like this:

A young man comes to his father and announces that he is getting married. The father asks, “Why? What’s so special about this woman?”

The son says, “She’s beautiful.”

The father, who happens to be by a chalk board, grabs a piece of chalk and draws a “0” on the board. “So,” he says.

The son says, “She’s kind.”

Again, the father draws another “0” on the board. “So.”

The son says, “She’s tolerant, and will make a great mother.”

Again, another “0.”

This goes on for some time, and each time the father draws another “0” on the board.

Finally, in frstration, the son says, “Dad, I love her and I want to marry her.”

The father’s eyes light up, and he draws a “1” in front of all the "0"s. “That, my son, is what makes all the difference in the world.”

My only recommendation is to wait at least 6 months after the initial engagement to even set a wedding date. I don’t know how long you’ve been dating, but there’s that whole “in love” thing to get through. After that, love is a choice that you make every day.

I don’t know what your spiritual convictions are, so maybe this first recommendation won’t help you, but here’s some books to read to help you through the relationship:

“Fit to be tied” by Bill and Lynn Hibels

“The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman

“The Art of Understanding Your Mate” By Cecil Osborne

“If Only He Knew” by Gary Smalley

Geez, gotta proof read better:

That’s “Making Love Last a Lifetime,” not “Kaking…”

Is it time to go home yet?

It will all end once the ring goes on that finger…

Marriage is not a word… but a sentence!!

Ditto brider’s comments. I have been married 3.5 yrs. and love it. It was very important to me that she was of the same faith as myself. We both believe divorce is morally wrong so marriage was a VERY important decision. Also she is very trusting, loyal, loving, pretty, intelligent and more.She never trained before she met me but now she trains and enjoys the fitness lifestyle. Also I have her to thank for cooking/preparing the meals that have allowed me to finally reach my fitness goals. If I had to feed myself I’d still be a 140 lb
I have the “5 Love Languages” book and recommend it also.

I = Anti-Marriage.

Never thought I’d find someone I was willing to alter my life for (don’t kid yourself: there are concessions to be made). But one day I looked at an old college friend and realized that she was someone I wanted to spend my life being with. (Until that moment, we had never dated.) Long story short: it’s been 16.5 years and we love each other more than ever. Interests in common are important: we hit the gym together after work 3-4 times a week, for one–although I lift and she rarely does more than cardio. It doesn’t work for everyone, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be great for you.

Spiderman, you said in another thread that you’re in Japan. Is your prospective bride Japanese? If so, do you speak much Japanese yourself? And how long have you been in the country?

If the answers to the last two questions are “no” and “not long”, then my heartfelt advice is to WAIT until those answers change.

Word up.

Marriage = should be banned for anyone under 24 years old and hasn’t had at least 2 years of real working experiences (as in REAL jobs)

To Char Dawg.

Ive been in Japan for 3 and a half years and I have known my girlfriend for 3 years and have been dating her for 2 years. Watashi no nihongo wa hetakuso! Nihongo wa sugoi mutskashi na!!!

From a lot of the messages on this thread I feel that maybe my first message wasnt so clear. I wasnt looking for advice in regards to if I had made the right decision or not but rather what other people felt about marriage and what they looked for in potential partners. That isnt to disparage any of the comments as they have all been very enlightening/interesting.

Char Dawg, I noticed that you to are over here. What are you up to? Another foreigner teaching english? How long have you been here? Are you liking it?

Spidey! That’s why I posted that first book – it fits and describes what I look for much better than I could ever do.

Get married in Iraq.

To Brider,

Cool! Sorry mate a got the wrong end of the stick there. So the book is worth a read?

Also, as a side questions to all the T-Men and T-Vixens, are your partners interested in lifting/fitness at all?

My girlfriend works out around once a month the most, eats cake like its going out of style and maintains a BF of around 9 10 percent!!! I hate her sometimes!!!

It’s better to hit-it and quit it.

I’ve been here about ten years now, and I do like it. I own a language school and teach not only English but Japanese and occasionally French as well. I also have other business interests here.

If you do a search on the Forum for “Japan”, you can find some more background on me and my time here, if you’re interested.

Im going to check it out now.

hey buddy
As long as you communicate - it’s a two way street so you are obligated to listen when she speaks her case. Never to go bed mad - ever and never have divorce as an option - cuz it’s not.
I met my wife to be 9/26/88and got married 10/01/88 - a week later. Still married and happy as ever. - PS - We seldon fight, but when we do the make-up sex is GREAT! - Again - Never go to sleep mad.

Wise wise words. I am in agreement. Always speak your mind. Even if it results in tears and sulking(from either of you) its for the best.

Once everything is in the clear you can work through it.

Make up sex…sweet,sweet make up sex.MMMmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…