[quote]BigRagoo wrote:
Bunch of jaded motherfuckers, aren’t we??
What I see as a problem is that couples make the jump to marriage way before they know who they are as a couple. When expectations aren’t met, and unforseen events take place, the person one marries may not be the same person after all that. I see that people marry quick and establish themselves fast after tying the knot, which is a set up for huge disappointment, in that they put themselves in financial debt and have kids way sooner than they are actually ready for. This breeds resentment and jealousy between one another which leads to infidelity and other problems like that.
I stress getting to know yourself and WHO YOU ARE ABOUT TO MARRY just what you expect out of a marriage before taking the plunge. This way you experience hardships without the burden of the nuptial and see where you stand when you make it through.
Another problem I see is people marrying because “it’s the thing to do”. That is not a commitment in my eyes. That is going through the motions because one doesn’t know what he wants, or feels the need to please others. Don’t marry until you want to, not because you feel you have to.
As for pre-nups, that is toatally up to the individual. If one has established himself is well off, he may be wise to protect what he earned. But again, this is where knowing your future spouse comes in. I feel if you need to have a pre-nup, you don’t trust your future wife, and it is doomed to fail. I would not enter a marriage with the notion that I need to protect myself from a nasty divorce. If I felt that way, I don’t need to marry her.
In a nutshell, marriage is still worth it, if you and your fiancee truly feel as one and that you want to be united. Now this may take dating many people to find the one that is worth fighting over and sticking with. If you don’t feel like it’s gonna last, don’t do it. That will save you your money and heartbreak.[/quote]
This is the smartest post I’ve read in a long time. Marrying isn’t bad, but it’s critical to examine your motivations for marrying, since who you marry is one of the biggest and most important decision of your life. Your choice of partner will probably influence your happiness more than almost anything else.
And I also have to say… Marriage is a business??? Hello? What has marriage always been? An arrangement that was practically necessary to survive and thrive. Not an indulgence. Not an expression of love.
It’s only recently that women have even been truly free to choose not to marry and have any decent options open to them. It’s only recently that we’ve had lifestyles that allow a bachelor to remain a bachelor and still eat relatively well and have a clean house.
So if marriage is a business, that’s no change from what it’s always been. The problem lies in the conflicting cultural messages surrounding marriage - on one hand, we’re raised to believe it should be based on Hollywood love, but on the other hand, people still often treat it like a business.
I agree with Big - you’ve got to be clear with yourself and your partner what your expectations are. If some rich a-hole wants to marry a trophy wife half his age and buy her an escalade and some boobs, and they’re both fine with their relationship being an exchange of goods and services, fine with me. But pretending it’s love is retarded.
But that doesn’t mean that marrying for love is pointless. When I marry, it’ll be to a man who wants to be my partner for life. He’ll have the things that my 30 years of life experience have taught me are important in a partner - intelligence, humour, adaptability, openmindedness, common interests, honesty, self-confidence, consideration and an ability to communicate. We’ll share genuine love, respect, admiration and trust - things that we’ll have built by truly getting to know each other.
Human relationships come in all forms - marriage is no different.
