T Nation

Marriage: Still Worth It?


#1

A friend I've had since way back in high school just got through a really nasty divorce with his wife. It kinda had me recently questioning the validity of marriage these days.

I'm sure everyone has heard this kind of story before. Guy marries girl. Husband and wife have two kids. They buy the nice 4 BR home with 2 car garage on waterfront property. Raise said kids in seemingly "happy" marriage. Wife's libido drops dramatically shortly after having the kids. Husband remains supportive, while wife becomes more and more demanding and combative. Wife starts drinking and going to bars. Starts banging some twenty-something guy behind his back.

Obtains lawyer and proceeds to ass rape her husband of more than half of his shit, including his successful commodity selling business and their house. Wife proceeds to use hubby's divorce money to buy the guy she had an affair with a new H2 for him to ride around their small town in. Guy ends up depressed, bitter, and on Prozac. Wife ends up getting $6,000 payment from hubby every month.

I hate to sound like a misogynist, but is it just me or is this kind of crap starting to become endemic to our society. It seems more and more to me that the modern husband is becoming not much more than his wife's meal ticket for her "modern lifestyle." If she loses her libido, well he better deal with it. If she wants a bigger house, he better obtain it. Bigger car "for the kids" (yeah, you need a Tahoe LTZ for two kids..), better obtain it. More shit from Macy's and QVC on the credit cards, better deal with it. Get caught f*cking a guy (ten?) on the side? Opps! "It was a mistake! Never happen again.. So, deal with it!" If not, well every lawyer in town is beating down her door to take away half your shit.

It just seems with the divorce rate hovering over 50% that it's just a financially disastrous decision without a pre-nup. And even then, you've still got the issue of the kids and what not to deal with. It just seems like a terrible idea to me.


#2

The fact that any man nowadays would even consider getting a marriage without a pre-nup is unbelievable to me. I would never marry a woman who wouldn't sign one (unless she was significantly wealthier than me to begin with and still refused).


#3

Is marriage still worth it? No.


#4

Marriage is basically business these days:

It's a big fuckin' financial risk and you have to keep your customers happy or else they'll tell you to fuck yourself.

I may split the atom before I can understand jack-shit about love and/ or marriage.


#5

Only marry if your spouse outearns you. Period.


#6

Bunch of jaded motherfuckers, aren't we??

What I see as a problem is that couples make the jump to marriage way before they know who they are as a couple. When expectations aren't met, and unforseen events take place, the person one marries may not be the same person after all that. I see that people marry quick and establish themselves fast after tying the knot, which is a set up for huge disappointment, in that they put themselves in financial debt and have kids way sooner than they are actually ready for. This breeds resentment and jealousy between one another which leads to infidelity and other problems like that.

I stress getting to know yourself and WHO YOU ARE ABOUT TO MARRY just what you expect out of a marriage before taking the plunge. This way you experience hardships without the burden of the nuptial and see where you stand when you make it through.

Another problem I see is people marrying because "it's the thing to do". That is not a commitment in my eyes. That is going through the motions because one doesn't know what he wants, or feels the need to please others. Don't marry until you want to, not because you feel you have to.

As for pre-nups, that is toatally up to the individual. If one has established himself is well off, he may be wise to protect what he earned. But again, this is where knowing your future spouse comes in. I feel if you need to have a pre-nup, you don't trust your future wife, and it is doomed to fail. I would not enter a marriage with the notion that I need to protect myself from a nasty divorce. If I felt that way, I don't need to marry her.

In a nutshell, marriage is still worth it, if you and your fiancee truly feel as one and that you want to be united. Now this may take dating many people to find the one that is worth fighting over and sticking with. If you don't feel like it's gonna last, don't do it. That will save you your money and heartbreak.


#7

Only for the ones that treat it like it's a business.


#8

In the original story why was the wife out banging young guys if she had no libido?


#9

That's code for "hubby has a small penis."


#10

That, or "hubby doesn't know how to please anymore."


#11

You're right. I read your post after mine and it sounds like you've got the right idea- I just made my comment based on what I see with my friends and people at school and everywhere else. I agree with everything you say, I just find it harder than hell to find any couples that treat marriage the way it should be these days. Sometimes I really have doubts about it just like the OP. I seriously wish it wasn't this way but it just is.


#12

I was thinking she just got tired of the same thing. Getting with someone strange can be exciting and renew passion that does not exist in many long marriages.

She just got tired of him.


#13

Excellent points and from this and other posts I've read of yours, it seems that you have a very loving, happy and solid marriage. I congratulate you and wish you much more happiness.

My marriage was like this at one time but then things went south. I lost my house, half of my retirement and the worst part was missing out on a lot with my children. She had a boyfriend (before we split) and went around bragging that I was making her new Jeep Grand Cherokee payment (child support). Now nine years later, I'm through all the crap, mentally and financially, but I won't get married again without prenups.


#14

Or, "Hubby is my teddy bear. My security. Hubby is the one who holds me when I cry and takes care of me when I'm sick. Now I need to bang the bad boy, and that's not hubby anymore. I need to feel like the dirty girl I was when I met him to begin with, and since he doesn't treat me like one, I want someone who will."

Sadly, despite what society tells us, it's NOT always the guy's fault. Some women cheat even when the guy they're with is better looking, treats them better, has more money and has a bigger cock. And, referencing the OP's point, there's really not much of a reason for them not to anymore. What's the worst thing that's going to happen to them for it? They get the kids and most of your shit.

And no, that's not all women. And yes, men do cheat and fuck the marriage up too. I think the main difference is the motivation for it. It's like a conversation I had with my wife the other night at dinner about a rather odd, and, up until recently, virginal male friend of ours. Very nice guy, but definitely on the odd and slightly dorky side. No g/f's ever in the 8 years I've known him. Well, he's got a good job, saved up a LOT of money and had his own house built, very nice one, and it's paid for already.

He's still no more 'cool' or 'normal' even, haha, but guess what? Hot ass girlfriend now. And others lining up from what we hear. This is how that conversation went.

Me- I can't believe he has a hot girlfriend now.

Wife- Oh, I can. It's not like he's ugly or anything. He's a nice guy, and he saved up his money, has a nice car, owns his house outright now.

Me- You women and your greed. Always looking for what you can get out of a mother fucker, eh?

Wife- No, but that's how the world's always been. Women look for the providers and gatherers to take care of them. Men look for tits and ass. Better for making babies.

Me- Well, at least we're still looking at a part of YOU, however shallow and dirty it may be, and not past you to see what kinda money you make or what kinda car you drive. Whores.

Wife- Not whores. It's just the way the world is.

Me- Years ago you were engaged to a DOCTOR. You married a pro wrestler.

That shut her up good. And that's about the most you can hope for nowadays gentleman, hehehe.

-Kubo


#15

These are all great posts that show us different perspectives of all the messed up shit that can happen. Things can be all great at first- I don't see how shit just goes south all the sudden but it just does.


#16

I've been married 23 yrs. IMO most married people today are more concerned with what they are getting out of it, than what their partner is.
And many do not realize that marriage is work & a successful marriage doesn't just happen.


#17

Another post that I agree with from someone who has been married for a long ass time.

It's amazing how many people these days can be incredibly successful with their education, careers, etc. but still fail miserably in relationships. it's mind boggling.


#18

Otherwise intelligent people are still easily convinced of narratives and statistics.

When one sees happy marriages all around, one assumes that one will have the same thing. It isn't necessarily so. When one sees disastrous marriages everywhere, one assumes that he is likely to suffer the same fate.

We see a trend and, whether it be true or not, we find patterns in the behavior, society, the world. We seek to explain the result, and create a narrative of the cause; a personal mythology that allows us to indulge our passions, become righteously indignant, and see a clear enemy before us.

The problem, of course, is that none of it is really true. Not in the way we imagine. There are cultural trends, to be sure, and certainly one should enter into marriage with caution.

Personally, I don't know why a person would even get married these days unless planning to have children, but that's me. I imagine that, as with many things in life, marriage is neither simply good nor simply bad. It is one choice among many that for some people will yield mostly good things, for others mostly bad, and for the bulk of human beings will be a mixed blessing.

I do believe that marriage has suffered as there have become fewer social pressures for couples to stay together. Being spoiled and having a functional marriage are incompatible as well. But I would not dismiss marriage out of hand.


#19

Doesn't the kind of money you make have a lot to do with who you are?

You respect a guy that busts his ass in the gym to build a good physique, right? How is that different than a guy who busts his ass to get someplace in his career?


#20

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