MarkKO's Training Log

Training Logs
2946

Uh no you don’t.

Again, nope.

So much no.

Ok so obviously I don’t know your life or the whole story, but from that short passage you wrote 2 things stick out at me.

  1. You arnt taking advantage or being inconsistent or lazy or selfish. In fact quite the opposite. You are taking time off to spend time with your family. This is very selfless and rather rare. You don’t work a ‘normal’ job where you can drop the kids off at school in the morning and help them with homework in the evening, so you are doing the best with what you have to work with.

Your other half is very important and while it may be easier to say “deal with it” to her over the munchkin, if it’s a strain on her, than it becomes a strain on the family.

I’m not a married man or have a family, but I believe the father figure of the house has as much responsibility for the emotions of the household as he does the financial security. Shit mate it sounds like you are doing a pretty damn good job with the cards you have.

  1. It honestly does sound like depression to me. I thought that about halfway through your 2nd paragraph. I’m not going to give any advice on this front except to try and work through it and don’t ignore it.
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2947

Thanks mate. Yes, I know it is most likely the depression. Cunt of a thing, just when I thought it was under control it decides to act up. Helps to know what it is, though. When it first came on late last year I had no fucking idea what was happening n

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2948

I don’t really have a lot to say to your situation but do you see a psychotherapist and/ or take medication?
Depending on how serious your situation is I can highly recommend both from personal experience.

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2949

You don’t have a reason to be ashamed of your work ethic or intentions, from what i know of you on an internet forum :grin:. All of that sounded very reason able to me. As the above folk said, it does lend to depression or anxiety from my 20,000 ft view. And that’s ok, obviously.

When my wife or I are going through dark periods, we try to remind each other consistently that it’s only a short season in life. If you take a minute to reflect, events usually trigger it. Once you can mentally draw a box around ‘why I’m feeling this way,’ you mentally accept it and deal with it more effectively. The realization phase is powerful, then acceptance, then you can begin a healing of sorts. At this point, the offending events are typically coming to an end and your mental state is in a better place to move forward. Even if the offending events take awhile to get through, this process puts you in a good place to manage.

Life is tough brother. Enter kids, wife and a career and no one makes it out without struggle.

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2950

What’s different at home?

How many times have you stepped in dog shit the last couple weeks?

Dogs are great. Puppies are super cute. But having a new one around can be Incredibly stressful and disruptive to the household flow.

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2951

Man, when it rains it pours. Life isn’t fun that way. In the end a job is just something we do so we can afford to do the things that make us happy. Like family and lifting.

It is good to take pride in your work (even better to enjoy it) and maybe you feel like you are taking advantage of the corporation, but that corporation makes good money off your efforts and they will for years to come.

Don’t feel guilty about spending time how it should have been spent.

You did the right thing.

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2952

@IronOne @Irishman92 @Koestrizer @BOTSLAYER @FlatsFarmer you all rock. Thanks for helping me get some perspective.

Yes, I’m medicated, and it’s working mostly quite well. Haven’t had any counselling, although probably a good idea to look into.

Feeling better today c

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2953

Woke at 188.3 lbs, looking decent. Definitely vegetable weight.

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2954

Just reading this post - I’m sorry to hear.

I think getting these thoughts down in writing are a really a good idea. Firstly, I think it can help you process your emotions, and also identify what is causing them. Your emotions seem to me, a very rational response to what your going though. Balancing what is important in life is so damn hard sometimes, and when it gets out of wack, it can be really debilitating. Secondly, and maybe this is just me, I think sometimes you need to get down to get up. Writing down and re-reading the tough times, can help get you through them, and then put the good times in a better perspective. I mean, I’m no counselor or anything but this is what has helped me.

I hope you make it through the downtime quickly my man. Just keep grinding is the best advice I can give.

edit: also keep deadlifting.

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2955

You do the right thing Mark.
You have the opportunity to take days off, and you do it.
You do it not to lay around and feel sorry for your self, but because your family needs you.
I am a LEO myself and work nightshifts and afternoons too. That takes a lot on the family account.
Sometimes I’ve been able to take days off, when I was needed at home, and I think that have saved my marriage and those days you really enjoy being with your kids.
So as long as you’re able to take a day off, do it. But do it with a purpose and with Wendlers word, “See the big picture” and now go out and have fun with that new wonderfull puppy :slight_smile:

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2956

Again, thanks @AliveAgain36 @mortdk. Definitely helped writing things down and setting it all out. Combined with all the feedback it let me sort through things in my head. So much better

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2957

Getting inordinately excited about deadlifts tomorrow, mostly because it’s conventional for the next three weeks. No idea why that is, it just is.

Also hoping the two inch long abrasion on my left hip heals before Thursday, or squats are going to HURT. I’ll make sure I have some decent bandaid/tape on hand in case.

Finally, had a thought about meet prep for October. I don’t like wraps. But they add a good 30-50 lbs to my squat. Hence, dilemma. What if I prepped mostly in sleeves, then maybe four weeks out added wraps but didn’t crank them? For meet day I’d keep the wraps quite loose except maybe for my third. It’s all a bit all over the place in my head right now, but I can see the vague shape of a plan. It’ll coalesce over the coming weeks I think.

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2958

MarkKO,
I’m thousends km from you, but I used to have the same toxic voices in my head.
I understnd you fully and I hope you everything will be fine.

If I can recomnd you something.
Dr Paul Pearsall books about toxic success helped me alot.

cheers

1 Like
2959

Thanks, I’ll check them out. I’ll be fine. It helps having all this positive reinforcement from everyone.

2960

Woke at 188.3 lbs, looking fairly dry.

2961

Training Maximally, cycle five

Kind of tired, but feeling good to be going in. The can of Mother helped, despite the taste suggesting someone else has used the can first.

Today’s training

Lazy lifter

Conventional DL, stiff bar, raw

TM is 451 lbs

Work up from 132 lbs in 44 lbs x3-5 to 60%, 5 pull-ups between sets, varying grips. These felt good. Win. Also win: tried shin sleeves instead of shin guards, and they worked fine, no grazes.

3x313 lbs, under 6 RPE, beltless, double overhand
1x363 lbs, under 6 RPE, loose belt, double overhand
1x407 lbs, under 6 RPE, hook grip - fucked up my grip spacing because I was dumb
7x451 lbs, 9 RPE, straps - no sense in grinding out eight today. Hamstrings felt pushed above everything. I’ll hit eight to nine next week

https://www.instagram.com/p/BXeUd1Llsye/

Sumo DL paused off floor, beltless, straps 3x3x313 lbs, all 6 RPE - OK, so there’s a noticeable difference when I do these raw compared to in briefs. Took a set to adjust.

SSB squat, narrow stance, beltless 3x10x275 lbs, under 6, 6-7 and 9 RPE - yeesh, hard work. Belt and briefs definitely add to the bar

Reverse hyper, 3x25x242 lbs

Abs/shoulders
3x20x35 lbs kb rope upright rows - need to remember to pull out and back, not up
3x20x77 lbs standing cable crunches

Calves 3x25x220 lbs standing, pause stretched and ‘jump’, 30 second rests, last two sets rest/pause

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2962

Depression is terrible. I’ve battled it on and off. Hang in there Mark!

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2963

Thanks mate! Hanging in is what I do, I’m a stubborn SOB and that’s saved my butt in this respect before. I’m not giving up any time soon.

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2964

bipolar/borderline personality disorder up in here!

We’re all crazy in our own way.

You’ll be ok, Mark.

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2965

I know @Yogi1 my friends on here all help

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