T Nation

Manliness In Danger Of Extinction


Not sure if this has been posted here before, but if it has, it deserves a repost... it brought a tear to my eye.

Manliness in danger of extinction

By Zach Parks

I pump iron, because iron-pumping is manly.

I returned to Oxford after a long winter break to find that my gym had been taken over by idiots. Every January these collar-popping pansies pollute my gym in hopes of gaining last-minute beach muscle in time for spring break. Then, by March they're gone. This futile attempt to reverse a semester of binge drinking is turning my palace of testosterone into a combination of TRL and the Mickey Mouse Club, this annual phenomenon also illustrates the general lack of manliness in today's society. Kids these days lack the sufficient couth, persistence and sportsmanship to maintain a grueling, manly year-round workout. These girly-men need to get the hell out of my gym.

I miss days of our grandfathers, back when men were real men.

Back then the game of dodgeball was played with rocks and the game of dodgerock was played with knives. I miss the days when everyone was a badass.

Somehow between then and now fate decided to take a steaming hot dump all over Darwin's grave as a generation of salty war veterans gave way to a generation of scarf-wearing vaginas.

It hurts me to think that for years society stands idly painting its fingernails while icons like Clint Eastwood are replaced by wieners like Ryan Seacrest. If these generations of manly men were still alive they would spit tobacco juice in Ryan Seacrest's face and then make him wash and wax their Trans Am.

Back in the good old days things were much simpler. Back then you could walk into a caf and not be totally confused. This is because back then it didn't matter if you were trying to order, cappuccino, mocha latte or espresso they were all called the same thing, scotch.

Back then four out of five doctors recommended smoking. This isn't because of doctor's ignorance to the dangers of smoking. This is because lungs used to be much more manly. Lungs used to be a manly shade of black instead of a girly shade of pink. But these days our lungs have devolved into an advanced state of weenie-ism making us incapable of enjoying rich tobacco goodness.

When manly men aren't eating pieces of shit like you for breakfast they're eating sausage wrapped in bacon, wrapped in more bacon and topped with a fried egg, and they wash it down with a glass of bacon grease, topped off with a doctor recommended cigarette.

Look at any grumpy old man and the first thing you'll notice is that he smells like a medium-sized pile of garbage that is sitting on top of a large-sized pile of garbage. This is because of years and years of stink that has built up from a combination of bare-knuckle boxing and bare-knuckle lumberjacking.

Wimps, weenies and vegetarians are ruining our great nation. America is on a downward spiral, we've got a fever and the only prescription is scotch, red meat and lumberjacks.


That was pretty funny. It took me a little while to realize it was satire since you hear that crap so often on this forum.




The guy has a point about collar poping wankers... i train at the gym in question, and tossers they are. i really want to drop a barbell on them after a jerk as they curl in front of the platform.

sorry, had to get that out.


Only if it used to be a ox or water buffalo and was excreted by a big mean mutherfucker of an animal. Lion, Tiger or Liger poop only.


Every time somebody hogs a squat rack to do curls, an angel cries.


Thats awesome!


I wonder how many people have actually seen someone use the squat rack for curls or if most people just say it cause its the trendy thing to say on these boards.


n, NO!

This one got me-

Ah, the good ol' days.


have you ever had someone walk BEHIND you onto the platform you are lifting on just as you start a snatch?


Bro, I am with you on the trendy squat rack curl thing.


I think the really sad thing is that the majority of people on this site probably have seen someone curling in the squat rack.

I wish I could believe that people were posting about it because it is 'trendy' as that would mean that there arent really that many people out there doing it.


it's so frickn trendy i overheard a couple of collar poppers tsk tsking it in between sets of their "westside for brokebacks" workout today. after that i was so depressed i came out of the locker room in a towel and used the oly platform mirror to shave.


True. I've been to 4 gyms in the last 6 months and all of them featured a squat rack curler.


When I was in Dublin, there was something on my breakfast plate that looked suspiciously like horseshit. Tasted like horseshit too. It was blood sausage.


I post about it because some peckerbutt actually tried to kick me out of a squat rack once so that he could superset his bicep curls with other bicep curls. I was so amazed, so astounded, so fucking offended, that I pushed him on his ass. If you haven't seen this shit, this brokeback style of being a fag in the gym, then god bless your gym.


I've seen the squat-rack curler waaaaay too damned often. Power rack and oly plates in my basement provide more peace of mind, but every now and again I end up going to a public gym with either my wife, or a friend who wants to check a place out. Every freakin' time I'm reminded why I prefer working out at home.

Last time I was in a gym I watched two kids take up, of all things, the dipping bars with their curls. I shit you not. They'd rest their damned bar on it in between sets.

Fifteen minutes straight, alternating between doing some of the worst curls I've ever seen, checking out their arms in the mirror, and shooting the shit about typical high-school kid things. The two of them together, soaking wet, might have come to 260 lbs. But then they'd grab that bar again, fling it with their hips, arch their backs as far as they could, and throw that weight up in a blur of motion... mighty grunt included.

It wasn't until I asked to work in between them and use the bars for dips that I think they finally realized what those bars were really there for. Their jaws actually dropped.


I posted this last year sometime, lost it though, great read.


That sounds like my gym here at college. Ugly curls and goofy looking excuses for bench presses all around. Although I have yet to see anyone rest weights on the dip bars, I do feel your pain and plan on doing the home gym as soon as I have my own place and some extra cash. By the way, any advice on where to get some good equipment for a good price?


i love curling in my gyms squat rack. it's never used for anything there anyways. la fitness has a definate lack of squaters. of course i would never use it if there was somebody waiting. but at my gym, there is no place to do heavy curls. literally there is no room. they have got every inch of that shit taken up. besides their pre made curl bars only go to 110. what am i supposed to do? get over the squat rack curls. if your not using it, maybe your not lifting enough. :wink:
flame on.