T Nation

Man with Umbrella Causes Rifle Scare at Mall

PATHETIC (burlington mass)

BURLINGTON â?? State police say a man thought to be roaming inside a Massachusetts mall with a rifle was actually carrying an umbrella.

Authorities say the man called state police today after hearing reports about the Burlington Mall being evacuated because of an unconfirmed report of a man with a rifle walking around the Nordstromâ??s department store.

The Massachusetts State Police wrote on their Twitter account that police had received two calls about a short white man with a gray shirt and a backpack, and carrying what appeared to be a rifle.

But state police say witnesses and surveillance footage confirmed that the man was just carrying an umbrella to protect himself from the rain outside. He is an employee of the nearby Lahey Clinic, a hospital.

Years ago my brother was heavily into renovating his house. Most of his white-trash neighbors hated my bro because he actually cared about the upkeep of his property. Anyway, as he worked on one particular day, several neighborhood children had walked by the house and casually looked into what he was doing. At one point he looked up and happily waved to the kids.

Within a half hour the police were banging on his door, because one of the kids told her parents that my brother had brandished a handgun in their direction. As they questioned him, my brother held his hands up, showing the cops his black-gloved hands and told them all he did was wave.