T Nation

Man Laws

Man Laws:

Here ya go OctoberGirl :slight_smile:

  1. Man Law Is NEVER Wrong…If An Argument Is Present We Agree To Disagree.

  2. A man shall not wear the colors of a championship team unless there is documented proof on file that named man wore such colors before the start of the season.

  3. It is only acceptable to complain of a sports injury if it will get you pity sex within one hour

  4. You NEVER discuss with your girlfriend what goes on on guys night out.

  5. It is acceptable to settle important decisions by using Rock, Paper, Scissors.

6.The woman should never drive the man’s car, unless he is busy puking out the window.

  1. When a friend moves in with his girlfriend, he loses his man card until said relationship is over.

  2. Thou shall not make plans with the guys and then cancel for a chick…unless chick is really hot and has hot friends which would then benefit everyone.

  3. Anything said and done in the company of male friends, is kept there and never shared with curious females.

  4. If a buddy gets stuck talking to the fat chick at a party, under no circumstances are you allowed to leave his side.

  5. If a man has relations with a chick who is “not up to par” said man can call “mulligan” and the incident shall never to be spoken of again. (only one mulligan per year)

  6. The man who approaches a table full of women gets first dibs.

  7. A man should never be told to put the toilet seat down, furthermore the toilet seat should be lifted after a female is done.

  8. If a man’s friend calls at 3 am needing a ride, you pick him up.

  9. Man will not go to a chick flick with his girl friend or a girl unless he is guaranteed play during or after the movie. Woman must also pay for man’s time.

  10. If a single man is hosting a party single woman should always out number single men 2 to 1. There should be no couples

  11. No Man May Change A T-Shirt Because “This One Is Wrinkled” Instead Wear It Or Iron It While It Is Still On You.

  12. A Man May Not Own A Pleasure Device, Even If The Man Can Not Do The Job On His Own Or It Has Been Two Weeks Without A Woman. Especially If The Device Is Made Of Silly Putty.

  13. If Ever Another Man Finds Another Man Breaking A Man Law, Said Man Is Subject To Being Hit In The Head With A Phone book.

  14. No Man Shall Let A “Female Friend” Move In With Him During Her Breakup With Another Man While She “Looks For Her Own Place”

  15. Men May Not Wear Tight Pants Or Capri Pants. Exceptions Include Football Or Any Other Sport Deemed Manly.

  16. Real Men Do Not Love Sex, Real Men Enjoy Sex. Love And Sex Are Two Different Things.

  17. A Man Can Not Carry A Little Dog In Public, Especially In A Bag.

  18. No Man Shall Subject His Pet To The Humiliation Of Wearing Any Clothing Including Hats Or Sunglasses. Extreme Penalties Result In Such.

  19. Mans Dog Is Part Of Mans Family Therefore Dog Is Allowed To Sleep On Bed. Good Call.

  20. It Is Completely Acceptable For Man To Use A Dog To Lure A Woman.

  21. No Man Shall Say The Word “Cuddle” Unless It Is To Score A PERFECT 10 Girl.

  22. Man Will Not Take Woman’s Last Name In Marriage.

  23. If Talking To Your Girlfriend Or Wife On The Phone You Are Not Permitted To Use A “Pet Name” In Presence Of Another Man.

  24. A Man’s Friend Shall Not Let A Man Go Back To A Woman Who Left Him At The Alter…Unless She Is REALLY Hot.

  25. During Football. The Time For Woman Is During Every OTHER Commercial Break.

  26. Man Shall Not Date Another Friend’s Ex, Once Said Relationship Is Over She Is Gone And Not To Be Brought Back Into Your Group.

  27. Your Best Friend Should Never Sell You Out, A Real Man Always Returns The Favor.

  28. Man Shall Never Call A Woman Who Is Just His Friend Unless It Is For The Sole Purpose Of Hanging Out To Become “Closer” Friends.

  29. Shotgun Is To Be Called When The Vehicle Is In View, Not While Your Still In The Building.

  30. No Man Shall Be Driving A Mini Van Unless That Is The Only Vehicle Available To Carry Everyone To The Liqour Store.

  31. Unless It Is Your Mother, Sister, Aunt,Or Grandma, Man Does Not Say I Love You In Public.

  32. Mans Mother Is Always A Saint.

  33. Man Will Pass These Man Laws On To Everyone. Child Is Able To Start Learning Man Laws Once He Can Walk.

  34. When Man Hangs Out With His Father, All Previous Disagreements Are Null And Void.

  35. To Those Men Who Discipline Their Children With Spanking, If A Woman Attempts To Stop You From Disciplining Your Child, You Make Sure She Knows Who The Woman Is.

  36. If She Does Not Tell You Her Age, Age Is Not An Issue.

  37. If In A Bar And A Soldier Is In Uniform Said Man Is To Buy Soldier A Beer, UNLESS You Are Within 10 Miles Of A Navy Base Or Something In Those Regards.

  38. When At A Movie Theater With Another Man, There Shall Be An Empty Seat Between The Two Of You. No Exceptions.

  39. No Man Shall Ever Have To Explain Or Apologize For Not Calling Another Man Back.

  40. No Man Shall Become Friends With An Ex-girlfriend When The Relationship Went Out In Thunder Strikes Unless She Is Putting Out And It Has “Been Awhile”.

  41. Man should not wear shorts above his knees. Exception is for any sporting event which they are a requirement as part of the uniform for said event.

  42. Man shall not count or cut coupons.

  43. No Man Shall Use Another Man’s Facebook Group To Degrade Another Man for any reason.

  44. A Man Should Never Insult A Lady, Even If He Is Just Joking Around.

  45. If It’s The Last Period, Quarter, Half, Inning, Or Hold In Any Sporting Event, Women Are Forbidden To Speak To Us.

  46. If The Remote Is Laying In Another Man’s Lap, Under No Circumstances Is Another Man Allowed To Grab The Remote.

  47. A Man Shall Never “Do It” In His Friends Bed Without Prior Permission From That Friend.

  48. If two men pass each other they must give each other a form of acknowledgment such as the nod despite any difference in social status.

  49. No Man Shall Ever Let His Wife Or Girlfriend Or Other Woman Speak For Him On His Outgoing Voicemail Unless The Female Voice Is Hot Enough To Get Off To.

  50. No Man May Glue Crystals Or Any Sort To His Cell Phone Or MP3 Player.

  51. While Trying On Pants At The Store, A Man Should Never Ask Another Man How He Looks Wearing These Pants.

  52. Clothes That Pass The “Smell Test” Are Acceptable To Wear Even If Unwashed For A Long Time.

  53. Under No Circumstances Will A Man Pop His Collar.

  54. No Man Shall Hold A Buying Bag By The Handles, But Shall Instead Fold Said Bag And Carry It Like A Football.

  55. Men Do Not Go Shopping. We Go Buying.

  56. No Man Shall Take More Than 45 Minutes To Do Their Christmas Buying.

  57. When doing manual labor in the presence of women, it is considered stylish to appropriate to flex more than usual.

  58. Highlights Are For Sportscenter, Not Your Hair.

  59. If You get A Bad Hair Cut, You Are To Wear A Hat Or Suck It Up And Take It From Your Friends.

  60. Men Will Not Wax Any Part Of Their Body.

  61. No Man May Compliment Another Man On His Physical Looks Or Attire.

  62. Every man Will Shower Before Going To A Bar With Other Male Friends To Pick Up Females.

  63. If No Women Are Around, Your Belches Should Be As Loud And Long As Possible.

  64. No Man Shall Ever Give The Hand Shake That Could Be Compared To That Of A Woman.

  65. A Man Shall Never Say Whoever Smelled Or Dealt It, Always Claim Your Own.

  66. No Man Shall Ever Drive A Car With Spinner Hubcaps.

  67. No Man Shall Operate A Vehicle With His Left Knee Bent Up And Foot On The Seat.

  68. You Can Not Bet Less Than $5 On A Game.

  69. A Man Must Finish A Poker Game Or Lose All His Chips, He May Never Leave In The Middle Of A Game.

  70. No Excuses. Play Like A Champion.

  71. Man is to open door for woman only if woman is confirmed non-feminist, if she is a feminist she can open her own door.

  72. Man Is To Show A Woman That Man Is Better Than Woman But Is To Never Strike Or Harm A Female.

  73. Man Will Throw Away Any Instructions That Comes With An Item That Needs To Be Put Together. Man Does Not Take Instructions From Anyone, Yet Alone Need Them

  74. (By Popular Demand) MAN SHALL NOT SPILL AN OUNCE OF BEER, EVEN IN THE NAME OF HUMOR.

  75. Only Men May Suggest Man laws

  76. Man May Not Push Another Man While He Is Pissing.

  77. During A Game Of Beer Pong, No Man Who Calls Himself A Man, Will Wave His Hands Over The Cups As To Distract Another Man.

  78. Bro’s Before Hoes.

  79. No Man May Make Exaggerated Grunting Noises While Lifting At The Gym.

  80. No Man Shall Leave His Beer Pong Partner For A Chick.

  81. No Man Shall Hit Another Man’s Beer Bottle.

  82. Man Who Owns A Plasma Or LCD T.V. MUST Have More Than An Antenna Hooked Up To It To Where He Receives More Than His Local Channels.

  83. Man Had A Good Night The Night Before If He Does Not Remember The Night.

  84. A Man Will Not Whisper Into His Girlfriends Ear When Out With The Guys.

  85. No Man Shall Extend His Pinky While Drinking Unless Deemed Necessary Because Injury Or Repeated Breaks.

  86. No Man Shall Type “LiKe ThIs”

  87. No Man Shall Ask A Waitress For A Box.

  88. No Man May Piss In A Urinal Next To Another Man Except When Attending A Sports Event.

  89. A Man Is Obligated To Watch Any Act Of Lesbianism Unless Said Women Are Below A 7, Dictated By The Man Law Nation Hotness Chart.

  90. If A Man Can’t Lift His Own Girlfriend She Is Deemed Fat And No Higher Than A 1.3 On The Man Law Nation Hotness Chart.

  91. (Also By Popular Demand) MEN Don’t Kill Babies And MEN Don’t Abandon Women, MEN Take Responsibility For Their Actions.

  92. Man shall NOT date a female that roots for a rival team of said man, UNLESS she is above an 8 on the MLN hotness scale.

  93. Put UP the seat (directed towards women)

  94. Man will never say “ewww” or “that’s gross”

  95. Man may impersonate someone with a lisp by using a lisp, but the impersonation may not last more than one sentence.

  96. Man shall never put America down, if you don’t like America then you can get out

  97. No man shall ever order a “fruity drink”, alcoholic or not.

  98. Man shall not cock block another Man unless said woman has an STD, or if said Man can’t physically pick the woman up

  99. Said Man should never dance at a bar. They made dance clubs for a reason.

  100. Said Man will NOT babysit a kid that is NOT his during a sporting event.

  101. No man shall ever hold his nose while jumping into any body of water.

  102. Women who claim they “love to watch sports” must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

  103. Man shall not frost the tips of his hair. Frosting is for cakes and cake related food.

  104. Man may explore all sexual possibilities with any woman he pleases, provided he is not in an expressed relationship with another woman. Fuck Buddies/ Friends with benefits/ drunken monkey sex friends do not count as expressed relationships.

  105. Shut The Door

  106. No man will ride in the backseat of his car unless there are certain circumstances which would be beneficial to said man.

Contact Info

How about I do what I want because I’m a man.

[quote]wfifer wrote:
How about I do what I want because I’m a man. [/quote]

Yea… pretty much

How about “No man shall ever use a list of somebody else’s rules to decide how to be a man.”

But the list was pretty good anyway.

yep… I always thought you men needed more laws.

gots to keep you man folk regulated

now back in line

Yeah I love it when a man says how manly he is. But then he’s following rules laid down by some other man.

Man Should Not Type By Capitalizing Every Word In Sentence.

For the record I didn’t create the list, I just found it very funny.

I read about halfway through OG’s thread “Women are superior to Men.” It had many lists of rules and such so I decided to throw this up just for shits and gigs.

[quote]Drizzt wrote:
For the record I didn’t create the list, I just found it very funny.

I read about halfway through OG’s thread “Women are superior to Men.” It had many lists of rules and such so I decided to throw this up just for shits and gigs.[/quote]

it is funny! =)

I love those kinda things.

and I hate to say it, but some of them, I think should be laws.

One of these days, when I rule the world, I am going to enact some laws that will make your head spin.

It is good to be Queen

Your list was too long this is what I go by…

  1. Men are NOT mind readers.

  2. Learn to work the toilet seat.
    You?re a big girl. If it?s up, put it down.
    We need it up, you need it down.
    You don?t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

  3. Sunday sports It?s like the full moon
    or the changing of the tides.
    Let it be.

  4. Crying is blackmail.

  5. Ask for what you want.
    Let us be clear on this one:
    Subtle hints do not work!
    Strong hints do not work!
    Obvious! hints do not work!
    Just say it!

  6. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

  7. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That?s what we do.
    Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

  8. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
    In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

  9. If you think you?re fat, you probably are.
    Don?t ask us.

  10. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

  11. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done.
    Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

  12. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials…

  13. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

  14. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default setting! .
    Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

  15. If it itches, it will be scratched.
    We do that.

  16. If we ask what is wrong and you say ?nothing,? We will act like nothing?s wrong.
    We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

  17. If you ask a question you don?t want an answer to, Expect an answer you don?t want to hear.

  18. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine? Really .

  19. Don?t ask us what we?re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball
    or golf.

  20. You have enough clothes.

  21. You have too many shoes.

  22. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

I prefer anarchy.

[quote]imhungry wrote:
I prefer anarchy.[/quote]

I want to be anarchy.

[quote]OctoberGirl wrote:

it is funny! =)

I love those kinda things.

and I hate to say it, but some of them, I think should be laws.

One of these days, when I rule the world, I am going to enact some laws that will make your head spin.

It is good to be Queen

[/quote]

If and when you are queen I’ll be the John Connor of male rebels. :wink:

[quote]Drizzt wrote:
OctoberGirl wrote:

it is funny! =)

I love those kinda things.

and I hate to say it, but some of them, I think should be laws.

One of these days, when I rule the world, I am going to enact some laws that will make your head spin.

It is good to be Queen

If and when you are queen I’ll be the John Connor of male rebels. :wink: [/quote]

okay but Sarah Connor could totally kick John Connor’s ass

I’ll be Sarah, with a little bit of Ripley mixed in

One and only man law: Man shall act honorably and in fairness in all circumstances. Unless there is a game. Or a hot chick. Or nachos.

[quote]OctoberGirl wrote:
Drizzt wrote:
OctoberGirl wrote:

If and when you are queen I’ll be the John Connor of male rebels. :wink:

okay but Sarah Connor could totally kick John Connor’s ass

I’ll be Sarah, with a little bit of Ripley mixed in

[/quote]

A Sarah Connor and Riply hybrid? In that case I’ve got a little bit of John Connor and James Bond. Leader and last hope of mankind and a suave yet so sophisticated badass.

[quote]grappler_123 wrote:
One and only man law: Man shall act honorably and in fairness in all circumstances. Unless there is a game. Or a hot chick. Or nachos.[/quote]

Damn I guess my whole life is all about being dishonerable and unfair then.

YES!!!
I got to rule 76 and had to post this…
YES!!!

[quote]wfifer wrote:
How about I do what I want because I’m a man. [/quote]
this
AFC shit

[quote]OctoberGirl wrote:
Drizzt wrote:
For the record I didn’t create the list, I just found it very funny.

I read about halfway through OG’s thread “Women are superior to Men.” It had many lists of rules and such so I decided to throw this up just for shits and gigs.

it is funny! =)

I love those kinda things.

and I hate to say it, but some of them, I think should be laws.

One of these days, when I rule the world, I am going to enact some laws that will make your head spin.

It is good to be Queen

[/quote]

OG you can be the Queen all you like, but it’s better to be the King.

Now, kneel before me…