T Nation

Making Friends Post-College

Is it just me; or it is harder?

I mean, I went to college…had/have a bunch of friends from the area and that graduated. But since; I have moved and so have they. I live near boston now and a bunch of my friends live IN boston. They are always doing shit; but I typcially don’t feel like driving BACK into boston at night (I work in boston and commute 30min into the city).

Also, I don’t really drink/party as much as I did then; which tends to be typical. My friends are nuts though…so they still do.

People at my work are some of the most unfriendly and super busy people I’ve delt with in my post college life thus far. It’s crazy; I can’t get 90% of the people to lock eyes with me in order to say “hi”

And at the gym I’m all business. I ask people for spots; and assist my girlfriend with her lifts…but that’s about it. Get in, lift, get out, eat.

Anyone else notice this?

(after reading this; i really feel like a loser haha)

oh well. :slight_smile:

Well, think about college, high school, etc. - you will never have as much free time and as little responsibility again.

I definitely agree it is harder to make friends after graduation. All my best girl friends are in Texas, New York, and D.C., so it really kinda stinks.

I’m learning that while I can’t replicate those friendships with the people I meet here (generally drinking buddy types), I don’t need to get all my friendship goodness from a single person, which makes it easier to open up to people. But, at the same time, I feel closed to people because I don’t have any expectations that anything worthwhile will result from my time commitment. Anyway.

I wouldn’t know. I never had any friends in college and I don’t have any now. :frowning:

[quote]Renton wrote:
I wouldn’t know. I never had any friends in college and I don’t have any now. :-([/quote]

Rents ain’t got no friends?

Yeah, it’s damn hard to meet people, i’m struggling with that now as well. Especially in my area where peple tend to get married in college or right after and then never leave their house again. It’s hard to find organizations to be involved in either - in my area there is a “young professionals” organization which I considered joining - but it’s about 300 people and all they do is go to bars so I didn’t really see the difference between that and just going to any old random bar by myself, since i’d know the same amount of people.

You’ll soon find you don’t want to meet anyone else cause you’ve barely got time for the 3 or 4 buddies you currently have.

If I miss one more monday night poker game I’m gonna be crucified.

[quote]Vicomte wrote:
Renton wrote:
I wouldn’t know. I never had any friends in college and I don’t have any now. :frowning:

Rents ain’t got no friends?[/quote]

I’m gonna buy a snake.

Mary Jane your my only friend.

Renton - I’m your friend, it says so on my T-Nation profile that we are listed as friends.

I definitely know how ya feel about post-college life though. I just graduated and it’s the same thing for me. I live in north Atlanta suburbs while a lot of my friends live in down town and I don’t want to be commuting in and out either. I have been just going to local bars around here but that’s only so so and I’ve been trying to find new things to join/learn around here to meet new people too. We’ll see how it works out.

No, it’s not just you. Think about it. At college there are a lot of people to choose from, and you can pretty much find somebody that you like.

If you work in a corporation, you are forced to associate at least 40 hours a week with people you don’t necessarily
like. In my case, I wouldn’t be caught dead with 99 percent of the people I work with…if it weren’t for work.

I believe that you are, like me, an engineer. I am sorry but MOST engineers, at least the ones here in Silicon Valley, are “good little boys” (as in teacher’s pet), anal and, well, crashing bores. If you lift weights, I know already that you don’t fit in with that bunch. For the most part, you should give up the notion of finding friends at work.

You’re going to have to make more of an effort to create a good social life. Join a sport team, take a class in a subject you enjoy where you are likely to meet like-minded individuals, etc. etc.

Yeah, it’s you. Man, you are one pathetic loser. No offense.

To quote Monday’s Strong Words
“The strongest man in the world is he who stands alone.” �?? Henrik Ibsen

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go listen to Godsmack (10 points for anyone who can explain that)

[quote]entheogens wrote:
No, it’s not just you. Think about it. At college there are a lot of people to choose from, and you can pretty much find somebody that you like.

If you work in a corporation, you are forced to associate at least 40 hours a week with people you don’t necessarily
like. In my case, I wouldn’t be caught dead with 99 percent of the people I work with…if it weren’t for work.

I believe that you are, like me, an engineer. I am sorry but MOST engineers, at least the ones here in Silicon Valley, are “good little boys” (as in teacher’s pet), anal and, well, crashing bores. If you lift weights, I know already that you don’t fit in with that bunch. For the most part, you should give up the notion of finding friends at work.

You’re going to have to make more of an effort to create a good social life. Join a sport team, take a class in a subject you enjoy where you are likely to meet like-minded individuals, etc. etc.

[/quote]

i second the sports team thing, not only is fun to play what ever sport you want once a week but you will probably become friends with them also. Im in college even though its community there are alot of ppl there. Now when I hangout with friends and they drink or what ever I never do drink or smoke and they dont carre. But once you dont have those close friends anymore it will be harder to meet ppl esp if your not a big partier liek me. Some people are ok with that and some arent

Some friends and I started a coed kickball team…it’s been a success on the social scene for sure.

[quote]LiquidMercury wrote:
Some friends and I started a coed kickball team…it’s been a success on the social scene for sure.[/quote]

kickball? thats legit haha i would join that

Yah it’s a blast. I know we have a few leagues in atlanta I’m sure most major cities would have them.

Our lives also go in different directions after college too. The whole “drink til you puke” lifestyle gets old, and when you have real world responsibility you cannot afford to fuck around as much as you did in college. I don’t think its hard making new friends after college, as it is to make friends with similar interests and headed in similar directions. My days of partying like a mad man are few and far between, because I had my fun (way too much of it) and it gets old.

[quote]Roual wrote:
To quote Monday’s Strong Words
“The strongest man in the world is he who stands alone.” �?? Henrik Ibsen

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go listen to Godsmack (10 points for anyone who can explain that)[/quote]

Too easy…

Now I’ve told you this once before can’t control me
If you try to take me down you’re gonna break
I feel your every nothing that your doing for me
I’m thinking you oughta make you run away

I think it really depends on what kind of college experience you had. I’ve noticed that those people who lived in residence, or on campus usually have a close knit group of college buddies.

Post-College life has been the opposite for me, though. I lived off campus for most of university and had a couple of jobs.

Outside of old high school friends, I’ve made all of my friends at my various jobs through the years.

I think I only made two friends in university. And I don’t keep in touch with them much as they work on the other side of town.

Basically, my rule is, if I haven’t known them over the last ten years or longer at all, they are just “acquaintances”. I would not trust someone I just met like I would my friends from freshman year of college.

One of those guys I could call right now if I was in trouble and I know for a fact he would fly from Michigan to help me out.

Friends like that are hard to come by. If you find one, don’t take advantage of them.

After college, people begin worrying about their place in society. They will take advantage of you if it means they will come out ahead. There is no long term loyalty.

That’s just how life works.

Just wait until you experience the “now you make more money than your friends so they start acting funny” phase.