Dammit, low-carb green apple? That absolutely begs for an asswhopping. You don't have to drink[alcohol] at the tailgating event, in fact I would much prefer it rather than see some fairy running around with this crap.
A "Mike's hard lemonade" almost has a better ring to it than "Bicardi's low carb Green Apple," complete with moisturizers and nail file kit. It's football season! Stand around the firepit grilling some frickin meat, and if you're so inclined for alcoholic merriment, drink some fucking beer!