Love Life Troubles

Go to Bora Bora!

Both rich girl’s rich dads will shut you down before too long anyway. Don’t miss the chance for this trip.

[quote]Apoklyps wrote:
More love life troubles, just what you all wanted to hear! Sorry, long post.

Here’s my situation:

I’m dating a girl right now. She has a gorgeous body, is a firecracker sexually, and filthy stinking rich. Like we’re talking, she will drop money on an expensive tropical vacation for us without even thinking twice about it. Sole heiress to a lucrative business.

Though somewhat materialistic, she’s a surprisingly nice gal, and she cooks and gyms regularly. She’s a bit eccentric, doesn’t go out much and is kind of clingy, but she seems to be a genuinely good person and the more I get to know her the more respect I have for her.

Most of my friends are jealous because it sounds like a dream, right? BUT…

The chemistry isn’t quite there for me. I don’t quite feel comfortable enough around her to ever truly be myself, and it seems she’s more into her idea of me rather than who I really am.

Normally, being a pampered trophy BF (especially when I’m a broke student) wouldn’t bother me, but recently I met a new friend. She’s also a gym junkie and comes from a pretty wealthy family (but not on the same level), but we have amazing chemistry. Being with her is like being with a friend that I’ve known for years.

We can talk perfectly candidly about just about anything (and there have been some interesting topics). She’s quite intelligent, yet crude, and can go from verbally sparring with me about politics to making dead baby jokes in a matter of minutes, which IMO makes for a great conversation. Very laid back, and one of the least crazy girls I’ve ever met.

Don’t think I’ve ever been attracted to a girl’s personality this much before. We’ve discussed it, and the feeling is entirely mutual. She also told me that she didn’t want to get involved with me while I’m in a relationship and she doesn’t want to be the homewrecker. She said, not without a hint of sadness, that I should choose what’s best for me and that she’d wait for me. Horribly bittersweet moment.

So there you have it: my life is basically the plot of every unimaginatively constructed rom-com you’ve ever seen. Two amazing women that I have a good deal of respect for, and a very hard decision to make. I’m at a horrible crossroads and it sucks. What would you do?[/quote]

Sorry, I don’t see the problem. You have a girl who likes you for you, is hot and rich and has a good personality and you are complaining?
First, it’s an honor to be liked/ loved by anyone and anybody who has feelings for you, you should cherish.
The problem is you. You’re looking for an ideal that may not even exist and you are failing to appreciate what you have. This girl deserves better than that if your description is accurate.

No chemistry, whatever.
Get your shit strait. Appreciate what you have, not what you don’t. If it doesn’t work out, it won’t work out. These things have a way of working themselves out.
Go apologize to this girl for your stupidity and take her out on your dime.

If you dump this girl over some “chemistry” you think you are supposed to feel you are going to regret it big time. Then she will find someone else, and you may find your “chemistry” with some psycho nut job.

Is the less rich girl someone you recently met? May be a hasty decision if that’s the case.

Anyway, good job for landing these 2 chicks hahaha.

[quote]dt79 wrote:
Is the less rich girl someone you recently met? May be a hasty decision if that’s the case.

Anyway, good job for landing these 2 chicks hahaha.[/quote]

That would be correct, only known her for a few weeks, and this is also the advice a close friend gave me. Not going to make the change right away. That is the direction I want to go in, but I’m not going to jump in right away.

@ Girl #2 said she doesn’t want to be a homewrecker. And “go back to living a simpler life”

Are you living with Girl #1?

[quote]Dr. Pangloss wrote:

The truth is, personality fades.
[/quote]

This is not my experience. Personality, sense of humor, a person’s character - those are enduring qualities.

Someone with mental illness might be the exception to that in some cases.

Are you talking about how you get bored with someone, and the qualities you once thought were so fun to discover don’t hold the same enchantment for you? That’s another issue really, if you find that the personality you loved no longer holds the same appeal, so you seek the “new, falling in love” phase with someone else, where you haven’t heard all their stories.

Have you ever reconnected with someone you knew in college and you feel like you still know that person and can pick right back up like no time has passed at all? We’re older but we’re still the same people and you still completely “get” that person, and they “get” you? That’s because personality endures.

That’s my experience. Maybe I don’t understand what you mean.

[quote]pat wrote:
Sorry, I don’t see the problem. You have a girl who likes you for you, is hot and rich and has a good personality and you are complaining? [/quote]

This is exactly the problem. I landed her by using charm. It was entirely a calculated game on my part. She likes a facet of me, not me. It’s like the difference between observing someone at a job interview and seeing what they’re actually like at work.

It’s not that I’m complaining about anything. Being pampered like a princess without having to bang someone 2-3 times my age rules. It’s just that choosing between living the high life and possibly finding a meaningful connection with someone isn’t an easy decision to make.

[quote]Powerpuff wrote:
@ Girl #2 said she doesn’t want to be a homewrecker. And “go back to living a simpler life”

Are you living with Girl #1?

[/quote]

Nah, haven’t even been seeing #1 all that long. I’ve just been living well because she blows all sorts of money on me and won’t let me pay for anything. I never asked for any of it, she just started throwing assloads of money in my direction, presumably trying to buy my heart.

#2 knows I’m seeing #1, but doesn’t really know anything about the nature of the relationship. I’m assuming she jumped to conclusions.

Pictures of the unicorn? (unicorn = hot rich girl, who is NOT a materialistic narcissistic cunt)

Being a kept man would be cool for awhile, but i dont think i could live my life as a trophy husband.

[quote]Aggv wrote:
Pictures of the unicorn? (unicorn = hot rich girl, who is NOT a materialistic narcissistic cunt)

Being a kept man would be cool for awhile, but i dont think i could live my life as a trophy husband.[/quote]

Is there a way I can post them and only allow site members to see? I dislike posting pics of my face online (as you can see), so I generally try and extend the courtesy to others as well.

Oh trust me, she’s fairly materialistic. She is quite accustomed to getting her way as far as material things go. It’s just that I’m not her provider.

Doc - @ personality fades, I saw that Pat said “chemistry fades.” Is that what you meant?

Still thinking about this -

I have known a couple of people who seemed to completely reinvent themselves. Like conservative, religious, Republican guy with family decides to do a complete 180 on all the big issues, becomes a liberal vegan, decides he’s gay and bails on the wife and kids to head to India to live in a commune. I just made that one up, but I know of one that’s almost that weird.

Beyond the teenage to maybe 23-year-old phase where people are “trying on” who they want to be, this kind of thing really freaks me out. I wonder if that person is a chameleon who just takes on the ideologies of people around them, or someone who has no real concept of who they are inside to they don’t have a value system that’s real, or if they’ve been lying to themselves and everybody else for a long time about everything important. Regardless, I’d avoid that kind of crazy like the plague.

[quote]Apoklyps wrote:

[quote]Aggv wrote:
Pictures of the unicorn? (unicorn = hot rich girl, who is NOT a materialistic narcissistic cunt)

Being a kept man would be cool for awhile, but i dont think i could live my life as a trophy husband.[/quote]

Is there a way I can post them and only allow site members to see? I dislike posting pics of my face online (as you can see), so I generally try and extend the courtesy to others as well.

Oh trust me, she’s fairly materialistic. She is quite accustomed to getting her way as far as material things go. It’s just that I’m not her provider.[/quote]

You can put pictures in your hub. Anyone who is a TN member can see those if your hub is not private. If you set it to private, then only people who you add to your friends list can see your pictures. The only way to delete your own pictures out of a thread is to put them in your hub first and then copy the photo info that appears at the bottom into a post. Then you can go back and delete if if you wish. If you just upload a picture using the “go advanced” button, you’d have to ask the mods can delete if for you.

Somebody please correct me if I have any of this wrong.

You’ve only known both of these girls like for a month or so, right? I’m not sure why you’re really thinking so much about it so early…

Talking about being a trophy husband and stuff a month in? do you know how quickly shit changes?

When you get serious with someone, there is a period of time that must pass then they start to get comfy and their real self comes out.

Make no decisions until you get to this point because you never saw the real them to begin with. Even if they intended for you to see the real them, you didn’t. They’re not seeing the real you, either, as much as you get along with #2, there’s some things you’re holding back. Everyone does it.

Also, another thought, women tend to be more attracted to guys that they know are taken.

There’s a decent chance that #2 is just doing everything she knows you’ll like and saying all the things she knows you’ll want to hear to see if she’s “still got it” and can break the 2 of you up. I know she said she didn’t desire to do that, but what people say really doesn’t mean shit at the end of the day. If this does indeed happen, don’t be surprised if she acts a lot different afterward and the magic is gone.

I’m not saying this is definitely her angle, she could be genuine and that’s for you to determine. You can’t forget that you only met her a few weeks ago, so you really don’t know her like that to be able to say for sure. You think you do because it’s the new love goggles that every young person (and old people who never learn) wears when they meet someone new, but please understand, you don’t know either of them like you think you do.

It takes time to truly get to know people and you haven’t spent enough time with either of them, yet.

I say ride the wave. Just keep “being friends” with #2 and eventually she’ll be willing to mess around with you even if you’re still with #1. Then it all depends on how committed you are at that point. But I say see how it plays out and enjoy the ride.

[quote]Apoklyps wrote:

[quote]Aggv wrote:
Pictures of the unicorn? (unicorn = hot rich girl, who is NOT a materialistic narcissistic cunt)

Being a kept man would be cool for awhile, but i dont think i could live my life as a trophy husband.[/quote]

Is there a way I can post them and only allow site members to see? I dislike posting pics of my face online (as you can see), so I generally try and extend the courtesy to others as well.
[/quote]

You can either PM everyone or post a temporary link that can be removed when you don’t want it, it leaves a small window for non-members to see but how many people will really see this thread in that short amount of time?

[quote]Powerpuff wrote:

[quote]Dr. Pangloss wrote:

The truth is, personality fades.
[/quote]

This is not my experience. Personality, sense of humor, a person’s character - those are enduring qualities.

That’s my experience. Maybe I don’t understand what you mean. [/quote]

nah, I was just having fun stirring the pot. The answer seems so obvious I thought it would be fun to take the other side.

Sorry, Puff.

[quote]Apoklyps wrote:

[quote]pat wrote:
Sorry, I don’t see the problem. You have a girl who likes you for you, is hot and rich and has a good personality and you are complaining? [/quote]

This is exactly the problem. I landed her by using charm. It was entirely a calculated game on my part. She likes a facet of me, not me. It’s like the difference between observing someone at a job interview and seeing what they’re actually like at work.

It’s not that I’m complaining about anything. Being pampered like a princess without having to bang someone 2-3 times my age rules. It’s just that choosing between living the high life and possibly finding a meaningful connection with someone isn’t an easy decision to make.[/quote]

Sounds like you’ve made your decision then. What are you asking us for? If bitch #1 was conquered via lie then it’s already over. Go for #2. If you are being honest you have the world’s greatest dilemma enjoy it, because it won’t last. It’s seldom you have a choice between to chicks who genuinely like you. Just keep in mind that if you send #1 packing. It’s over make sure you have no regrets. You won’t have a chance to come back. That bullshit only happens in movies.
I got nothing to gain here and in the end I don’t give a shit what you do. You asked advice and I an trying to give you an honest answer that isn’t “fuck’er in the ass”. I am older, married and have been there and done that. If you genuinely not just trying to mow down as much pussy as possible and interested in a relationship. ‘A bird in hand is worth 2 in the bush’. In other words potentials come and go, good things happen infrequently. 8 out 10 women are fucked in the head.
It seems to me she made it so easy, you do not appreciate it. This turns off men and women. Which makes liars out of all of us. When we describe ‘utopian’ relationships, we describe #1. But when we get it, the lack of challenge makes us question it.
Here’s a good test. Picture her nailing somebody else, well. And have the 2 of them pledge their undying love for one another, if you don’t care, move on.
Let’s say I made love to her, well, best she ever had. You good with that? If so, take your chances with #2, because I am an excellent lover. I’d take the Pepsi challenge against anyone and win. I don’t think, I know. You cool if she’s clingy with me? You cool if I treat her right? If your answer is yes to any of those questions, you don’t care about her. Chase the “chemistry” you may or may not ever find.

[quote]Powerpuff wrote:
Doc - @ personality fades, I saw that Pat said “chemistry fades.” Is that what you meant?

Still thinking about this -

I have known a couple of people who seemed to completely reinvent themselves. Like conservative, religious, Republican guy with family decides to do a complete 180 on all the big issues, becomes a liberal vegan, decides he’s gay and bails on the wife and kids to head to India to live in a commune. I just made that one up, but I know of one that’s almost that weird.

Beyond the teenage to maybe 23-year-old phase where people are “trying on” who they want to be, this kind of thing really freaks me out. I wonder if that person is a chameleon who just takes on the ideologies of people around them, or someone who has no real concept of who they are inside to they don’t have a value system that’s real, or if they’ve been lying to themselves and everybody else for a long time about everything important. Regardless, I’d avoid that kind of crazy like the plague. [/quote]

I am not talking about people changing. I am talking about that electric shock that initially draws you to a person, if the relationship lasts any amount of time and is any amount of serious does not last. Something else has to be there or it just goes away.
The corner of the smile, twinkle of the eye, the wrinkle of the nose, the laugh, etc. All that draws you in is not sufficient to hold you. That is what I meant.

[quote]Apoklyps wrote:
It’s just that choosing between living the high life and possibly finding a meaningful connection with someone isn’t an easy decision to make.[/quote]

Really? Boiling it down to this makes sound like a troll thread.

maybe you are number one’s current “toy” and your whole issue is a moot point,

[quote]Dr. Pangloss wrote:

[quote]Powerpuff wrote:

[quote]Dr. Pangloss wrote:

The truth is, personality fades.
[/quote]

This is not my experience. Personality, sense of humor, a person’s character - those are enduring qualities.

That’s my experience. Maybe I don’t understand what you mean. [/quote]

nah, I was just having fun stirring the pot. The answer seems so obvious I thought it would be fun to take the other side.

Sorry, Puff.
[/quote]

Oh, I’m really glad you were joking there.