T Nation

Love, Dreams, and the Male Animal


#1

I am in a crucial point in my life and I am looking for others opinions and insight on my situation and my perspective. I am 26 years old I am still in college as a sophomore, no kids, and I live at home(parents) still. At the moment I feel like if I make one wrong step My life will be over and I might end up living a miserable life just as something you see on TV.

A couple of years ago I met a woman while i was working, I got her phone number and we hit it off and got into a relationship. We dated with a title for about 9 months and then she ended it when my selfishness began to be too much, which i don't blame her for. About a year later she contacted me then we went out for drinks, got a little tipsy, emotions started to spill and we got back together.

Up until a few weeks ago I was contemplating dropping out of college and was thinking about just working like a dog as much as I could and the reason for this was because I was not interested in college as much as i once was, at least as far as my major was concerned. After I spoke with my advisor it dawned on me that I have NEVER stuck with anything in my entire life. I have always been about getting things done quickly and patience is a mystery to me. At that point in time I decided that i was going to finish school no matter what it took.

Now that brings me here. I have recently gotten a better position at my job, making more money, but I have to work later into the night. Good for me, but bad for my relationship considering my girlfriend works mornings. Our relationship took a turn for the worst a few days ago and we split up again. I struggled with depression for a while, but I have gotten over it with a little bit of counseling and will power. I am ready to do what ever it takes to make my dreams come true and i feel as if I have to choose between my dreams and love, a hard decision in my eyes although I do not love her as she loves me. My dream is to be somebody. For someone to say that"s so and so he's so and so. I want to be the person that someone can look up to the way that I never had so that they wont make the same mistakes I did and to never have to struggle again with my finances

One of the things that I have done to help me get through this is to listen to motivational videos and one quote by Les brown stuck out at me when talking about peoples dreams. It was â??Itâ??s necessary to know that everybody wonâ??t see it. That everybody wonâ??t join you, that everybody wonâ??t have the vision. Itâ??s necessary to know that." I can see what he is talking about. When thinking about my peers and family I can see it. I have a dream of being somebody and not just a regular old schmoe.

I have decided that I am going to do whatever it takes to get my degree no matter how much I have to work to pay off school, no matter how many credit hours I have to take, and no matter how much sleep I have to lose. In the process of doing that I feel that I must give up a women that has cared so much about me and attempted to show me what love really is all the while I have been enclosed in an emotional shell. At times I think about how happy we can be together, but them I see another woman... I see another woman that is more attractive and I want to ravage her. At times I think about just doing it, but the fear of losing her and even worse, hurting her stops me in my train of thought.

As far as my dreams go I don't see how our relationship can last a solid 3 years of school while i'm giving it my all. I fear that if i stay with here I might come across someone else and I will have to break a heart. That is something that I don't want to do as I have had mine broken before and I know what it is like.


#2

You are young and have a full life ahead of you.

Dont stop school for a woman EVER.

Dont stop school for a job EVER.

Just my .02 but there are jobs out there and the investment in school will pay off more than others.

Now saying that. You better not be in school with some major of liberal arts or some other bullshit. You goddamn better be in something that is worth going to school for.


#3

If three years of school is going to ruin your relationship with this girl, then it wouldn't work anyways.

If this job is good enough that you think it's what you want to be doing for the rest of your life (or at least there is a clear path to what you want to do and what you want to do doesn't require a degree), then drop out of school to pursue it. Otherwise, stay in school.

Make sure that the degree you are getting will get you a job that you want (both in terms of the work and in terms of the compensation).


#4

I am enrolled for Electrical Engineering Technology (EET).

I definitely do not want to do this job forever that is just how I was feeling at the moment. I got it because it was more money which I could then use to pay for more school and I can stand to do it for a few more years.


#5

Is that a 4 yr degree?


#6

Is that the same as a EE degree?


#7

Electrical Engineering Technology is a four year degree but it isn't the same as Electrical Engineering (BSEE). A BSEE is more focused on theoretical calculations and design while an EET degree is typically more focused on hands on stuff. BSEE is better for getting a straight up engineering job. EET will be more likely to land you a technician or field work job.


#8

It surprises me how often people focus on the ROI of education. More specifically, the monetary ROI. Life if not entirely about the accumulation of wealth and maximization of returns. Education has intrinsic value. Learning is fun. Knowing shit is cool.

FWIW, I work in finance and 99% of the time brain is geared towards maximizing returns. However, I am working towards an MBA right now and have never calculated an expected return because I know it's worth it.


#9

  1. Why is knowing shit cool? I'd be interested to hear what you have to say.
  2. how do you know "it's worth it"? I assume you "know it's worth it, cause once you have your MBA you will be making more and the MBA will pay for itself before long.

I'd say knowing shit is cool cause it can either save you money, or make you money (eventually)

If I could get paid plenty enough to support a family, for being brain-dead and knowing nothing, I would do it!...yes, I would rather be a Kardashian than be an engineer and make a livable wage.


#10

It's mostly because of the economy and the fact that most people no longer hire people without exact specific skills that meet their needs.

It's hard to place a history or English major into an exact skill-set as you could with most of the engineering majors.

Though it should be noted that random hard sciences like biology and math is equally useless unless you specialize by going into grad school. I know plenty of bio majors who get jobs at shitty pharma companies or tiny labs and work for like 20-30k a year. Not exactly a great return of investment, that.

When people say choose a good college major, they really mean "choose one of the engineering degrees or Comp. sci". That's simply because that's where the jobs are at right now. The world is changing. Merely holding a college degree and being able to analyze things is not longer useful; you need to spend years learning how things work and be expected to apply it.

We certainly didn't have super-electronics 50 years ago. Those that we did were absolute child's play in technical terms when compared to what we have now. There's just so much more to learn now.


#11

Don't confuse an education and a degree. A degree should always be evaluated based on a return on investment. You may not have done the math but I bet a basic back of the envelope calculation says that your MBA is worth it. If it isn't, you're a fool for spending money on it. I suppose there is a case to be made for breaking even financially while having a more interesting job, but ROI still needs to be considered. And I doubt most MBAs would tell you that they like their job because of the intellectual stimulation.

An education, on the other hand, can be evaluated in many ways other than monetary. But a modern university is a terrible place to get a good education.


#12

1.Knowing shit is what humans do better than anything else on this planet. I believe, from an evolutionary standpoint, that our brain is wired to be hungry for knowledge. The smarter we were, the more likely we were to survive. Of course, we arenâ??t being chased by saber tooth tigers anymore and I think I will survive just fine without a graduate education.

What knowing shit does for me now is allow me to achieve. Doing something great feels really good, but you always need to chase achievements or they become stale. For example, think of when you just started lifting and hit a 225 bench for the first time. It felt great, but if you were stuck there for a year it wouldnâ??t feel so good anymore. Knowledge growth is what keeps you making greater professional achievements. I like achievements because they feel good, some people like them because they come with more money, but those two rewards usually come hand in hand.

2.Youâ??re right. I donâ??t know itâ??s worth it, but I sure think it will be. I believe this because it will be an experience in my life that hopefully changes the way I think. Life, after all, is just a collection of experiences. I doubt on my death bed I will care how much money I have in my bank account. I may care how much I took advantage of the experiences life offered me. Donâ??t get me wrong though, money is important. I will care how I was able to provide for my family and if I had enough money to enjoy my life without financial restrictions.

I donâ??t think college is right or necessary for everyone. My point was that a monetary ROI should not be the only measure of itâ??s worth.


#13

Just a protip because you are new. It appears you are writing in word or some other word processing app and pasting it here, hence the wingding characters.

I believe if you paste into notepad and then this window that wont' happen. Or use Chrome, IE10 or some other browser with built in spell check.


#14

[/quote]Don't confuse an education and a degree.[/quote]

Agreed. That is an important distinction. I think you could achieve either at many institutions. It's just how you approach your time there.


#15

thank you beans. I am pretty bad at internet


#16

lol. No worries.

You'll get there. You've been sucked into posting so you've already lost the "to forum or not to forum" battle.


#17

When accountants unite the world suffers.


#18

Yes, B.S. EET is a four year degree. However, from the little bit of research that I have done So companies do or do not differentiate between EE/EET and can be hired for the exact same job.

Back to what I originally posted about. What advice can you guys give me? Has anyone been in my exact same shoes?


#19

No, and no one ever will. No one here pays the consequences of your actions other than yourself.

I understand the value and peace of mind asking for advice gives a person, but there comes a time when you really have to buckle down and understand no one, not one person cares as much about yourself as you do, so if you don't care about yourself, all is lost.

I'm not saying you are doing that, but the part in your post I clipped and highlighted above is prompting me to mention this.

No one will ever know what its like to be you, what your desires are, how badly you do or don't want something, what makes you smile, laugh, cry or hurt. People can come close, and some will, but nothing will allow them to "know" you like you do.

SO my best advice is learn to stop asking the question above and understand what advice is: people telling you their opinion through the filter of THEIR life, not yours.


#20

OP, I have no idea what you should do for work, but I do know that you should not settle for someone you don't love passionately at 26. The two of you have already broken up twice. Let her go.

Find someone who wants you to be the best person you can possibly be, and who will support you in becoming that.