I am in a crucial point in my life and I am looking for others opinions and insight on my situation and my perspective. I am 26 years old I am still in college as a sophomore, no kids, and I live at home(parents) still. At the moment I feel like if I make one wrong step My life will be over and I might end up living a miserable life just as something you see on TV.
A couple of years ago I met a woman while i was working, I got her phone number and we hit it off and got into a relationship. We dated with a title for about 9 months and then she ended it when my selfishness began to be too much, which i don't blame her for. About a year later she contacted me then we went out for drinks, got a little tipsy, emotions started to spill and we got back together.
Up until a few weeks ago I was contemplating dropping out of college and was thinking about just working like a dog as much as I could and the reason for this was because I was not interested in college as much as i once was, at least as far as my major was concerned. After I spoke with my advisor it dawned on me that I have NEVER stuck with anything in my entire life. I have always been about getting things done quickly and patience is a mystery to me. At that point in time I decided that i was going to finish school no matter what it took.
Now that brings me here. I have recently gotten a better position at my job, making more money, but I have to work later into the night. Good for me, but bad for my relationship considering my girlfriend works mornings. Our relationship took a turn for the worst a few days ago and we split up again. I struggled with depression for a while, but I have gotten over it with a little bit of counseling and will power. I am ready to do what ever it takes to make my dreams come true and i feel as if I have to choose between my dreams and love, a hard decision in my eyes although I do not love her as she loves me. My dream is to be somebody. For someone to say that"s so and so he's so and so. I want to be the person that someone can look up to the way that I never had so that they wont make the same mistakes I did and to never have to struggle again with my finances
One of the things that I have done to help me get through this is to listen to motivational videos and one quote by Les brown stuck out at me when talking about peoples dreams. It was â??Itâ??s necessary to know that everybody wonâ??t see it. That everybody wonâ??t join you, that everybody wonâ??t have the vision. Itâ??s necessary to know that." I can see what he is talking about. When thinking about my peers and family I can see it. I have a dream of being somebody and not just a regular old schmoe.
I have decided that I am going to do whatever it takes to get my degree no matter how much I have to work to pay off school, no matter how many credit hours I have to take, and no matter how much sleep I have to lose. In the process of doing that I feel that I must give up a women that has cared so much about me and attempted to show me what love really is all the while I have been enclosed in an emotional shell. At times I think about how happy we can be together, but them I see another woman... I see another woman that is more attractive and I want to ravage her. At times I think about just doing it, but the fear of losing her and even worse, hurting her stops me in my train of thought.
As far as my dreams go I don't see how our relationship can last a solid 3 years of school while i'm giving it my all. I fear that if i stay with here I might come across someone else and I will have to break a heart. That is something that I don't want to do as I have had mine broken before and I know what it is like.