Hello everyone…male, 44, 1.79mtr ( schrunk 2 cm) 63kg and lost.
The story so far, lower back problems started early in my life, age of 17 i started fitness in order to strenght my back through fhysio. Did this on and off for about 10 years and was never that motivated cause i never really gained mass or musclle, so when my back acted up i jumped on to the weights…back got worse and knees where also becoming a problem.
took every painkiller in the mid range in these 10 years…naproxem, ibu, you name it i took it, until one day i wasn’t able to move again and i got tramadol and valium…this worked great and i noticed that my cramping up made the problem worse until you werent able to move anymore. And now with a opiod and a musclle relaxer…but anyhow i decided to make training a part of life, cause my body was giving me to much pain, and with the new meds it was getting better. Training became a way of life, and now i wanted to gain some musclle to…i’ve tried it all, every sup, diet, weightgainer, high calories…you name it i did it, but nothing for the years to follow…so i’m around 32 and still 62kg…i know heard it all before, you must be doing something wrong…work out, food…and now i started at a construction site where almost everybody worked out, all huge bodybuilders.
at this job i talked to a guy who told me about testosterone and pointed me to my lack of facial hair, and asked about my energy and libido. In my eyes this was all in order, but long story short…i decide to try some steroids. When my first cycle kicked in i realized that the things he asked me where never in order, i Always thought other men where pigs, looking at every girl, thinking with there dicks…i was different then any other men, never looked at other woman except my own wife, i had sex once a week because the rest of the week i mostly slept after dinner, so saterday was my night to get in the mood with some visual things like mags or movies, and some alcohol to make it last some longer. The day after i Always paid a heavy hang-over price in the extreme way, so my sundays were gone. For me this was normal, energy was Always low because i worked construction, heavy work takes his toll so i never did things after work besides working out, shower and eat, and then fall a sleep. But now with testosterone in my body, things chanced, i was happy, had loads of energy wanted to do fun stuff and offcourse for the first time in my life, sex, that was all i was thinking about…so now i got a whole new look on things, problems i never saw as problems became clear to me, i gained weight, started to grow hair on my chin and chest, i felt complete for the first time in my life.
Sorry for the long story but i have to explain it best i can.
By now i started looking in low test and realized that everything besides bellyfat was a sympton i never saw as a problem…10 weeks went by, 10 great weeks and then i had to come off, no pct and a deep dark hole waited for me for the next 10 weeks…ok now i was reading about pct and trt…next cycle i’m gonna do a super pct so i can feel great non stop, nolvadex and hcg, and a shit load of supps, but again a big black hole after another great 10 weeks. So by now i went to see the doc, and he did some bloodwork and prescriped me androgel, this is the part where i fucked up…androgel didn’t come close to what i felt on injections so instead of seeing the doc, i jumped back to injecting test, but now i would not come of anymore, and with all the info i read about trt…i got it covered, and understand that me taking testosterone had nothing to do with growing muscle anymore. Got my test from the net with some different AI’s and started to find a sweet spot…no bloodwork offcourse ( dumb i know) and with the shit you find online or stuff getting seized…i took me about a year before i ended up with my first Endo…worst experience ever, bloodwork was low offcourse but the talk turned ugly when this older doc was giving me a lecture about what the fuck i was doing and if i thought i could do his job, so with some cursing i walked out and in the back of my head i was allready planning for my even better trt protocol…was off for couple of months to see this endo so i felt like shit…again failed miserable and ended up at a other endo a year later…this one told me that people with problems came to him, not people that where looking for some free testosterone, and trust me, i looked nothing like a bodybuilder with my 74kg around this time, i didn’t got mad, thank’d him and went home…now there was now way i was gonna screw this up again, i need to keep the E2 on track cause this was causing my most issues…hcg, proviron, arimidex, clomid, everything i could get my hands on…with offcourse a basic testosterone cyp. this hole mess lasted 10 years with the first six years feeling ok with ups and downs…never did any bloodwork except for the endo’s.
In the same time period the lower back pain and knees, turned out to be artose, a different story with lots of wrong help and diagnoses cause i was traing harder and taking more pain meds when the years past, in the end my knees back and shoulders became a real problem, and in the end i was taking 3xtramadol 50mg 3xvalium 5mg and 1000gr paracetamol on a good day to get through a work day. this was at the end of the first six years, and when my shoulder started to grow a new shoulder i was informed that the artose was allready visable on x rays from years before…the ones they took to see if there was a hernia, and that was the outcome…nope, no hernia. I stopped working and we moved to Germany where i renovated our new bought home…in Germany they took away my pain meds and stuffed me with other shit, and still i was messing with the testosterone…the last 4 years it only helped me to get energy and my mood…libido was gone, and i mean GONE…and i knew i fucked up.
in august 2018 i threw it all away, cold Turkey and with the intention to get help. Did bloodwork in feb 2019 and what do you know…normal test and everything ok…wtf???
So explained the whole thruth to my doc, ( living back in holland again) and asked to see a endo…again bloodwork, and the list was this…FS LH Test and free test? i got this list to get my blood taken and i crossed some other thing that i could think of…Oestradiol, progesteron en SHBG
Free test 269.4
doc and endo found it great…nice bloodwork, you should be happy so the endo didn’t even want to see me.
i feel like shit on every level…no explaining needed i hope
so again i started to try to wake them up and looked for another endo…this one agreed to see me, and had nothing else to say that my blood looks in check??? wtf, and what about my SHBG…nope they just use this to calculate free test…euhm its double the upper limit???
Again…door slamed in my face…
i am lost…what can i do now? docs here with current Healthcare system wont see you anymore, my bloodwork wont make them see, and the fact that i have injecting testosterone for 10 years…aargghhhh