T Nation

Losing Friends in Quest For a Better Body

Friends are people you can count on who don’t make excuses if they can help. I’ve only had 3 real good friends in my life. Had one I thought was a true friend who was just a lying two-faced leech of society, who took advantage of anyone he could for drugs,money and whatever.

Just cause they don’t train as serious as you don’t automatically assume they can’t be a good friend. Everyone has different passions/pursuits. As long as the person is genuine and has good intention in life.

[quote]Professor X wrote:
You guys need to find out who your real friends are…and no, many of the people you know at 18 will not be around 10 years from now because you will outgrow them.

I have about 4 friends all from very different periods in my life that I KNOW I can call on, and I consider myself lucky because I doubt most people have that many others they can truly trust outside of family.

None of those guys make fun of my goals beyond basic shit like joking about how big I am or how much I eat when they see me. But then, my actions are nothing new as I have been lifting weights long enough for most who know me to know I have always been into it.

As you get older, your friendships will be bound much less on how much you hang out all of the time and much more on whether past events have cemented your friendship. If others are truly holding you back from your goals in life, they are not your friends.

They are simply people that need something from you and who will bail the moment they feel there is nothing more to gain.[/quote]

This is the best reply I’ve seen on the thread…it says it all…People change…some of my “friends” from HS havent grown up one iota since we graduated (and that was almost 10 years ago) I find most of the time I’d rather sit at home with my daughter…

or take or for a walk…then to deal with the BS that they do (drinking excessively…begging chicks for sex…wrecking the toys their mommy bought for them, I could go on)

Just not my scene…unfortunately for me…I married a chick who is 20…and this is all she wants to do. It’s goddamn annoying. But my daughter is worth it…

but I have a strong feeling that I will be sick of the shit real soon…and me and my daughter will be gone quicker than runny shit from a tex-mex burrito.

I don’t think it has much to do with your training, it has a lot to do with the stage of life you’re in. All your friends are going to college, getting jobs, getting married, etc. It’s natural progression, you’ll regain contact with your real friends, other people will fall away, and you’ll make new friends along the way.

Just don’t fall into the trap of lifting, working, and flying solo. You need to network, meet people, make new friends, and have a social life. Instead of the bar scene, find something you enjoy doing, and find a place where people gather to do that.

I don’t care if it’s Dungeons and Dragons or mixed martial arts, join an organization where you get out a couple times a week and spend time hanging out and chatting with your peer group. To many people hang out with their 1 friend and girlfriend all the time, and miss out on a lot.

In this society it’s easy to sit in front of the computer and think it’s a social life, but in reality it sucks. Go out and meet people, make an effort to make friends, it pays off in the long run.

A lot of people have a hard time meeting people and making friend post school, which is why I recommend getting out and doing something you have in common with people. I get out and play card games a couple times a week.

I meet all kinds of people I’d never run into at work or at the gym, but we have shared interests, some of them I become friends and hang out with, and occasionally I meet someone that ends up providing me a job lead or other help along those lines.

As far as training getting in the way of your social life, it usually isn’t nearly as big a problem when you do the above since you’re doing whatever hobby you pick up in your free time, as are the people you meet.

You may not meet other lifters, but I find most people are fairly accepting of the fact that I sleep and eat in a healthy manor, and are happy to make the minor changes it takes to accommodate that when hanging out.

I have these two friends now that Ive noticed they contribute nothing to my greater good. I’m thinking about breaking up with them, they are becoming a bother to my everyday existence. They are both brothers and do everything together. When one is working the other is like “I cant my brother is working”. Fuck those two.

The one thing that drives me nuts about them is their mom. We could never ride anywhere in one car cause they are scared their mom is going to find out were riding in the same car. W T F? Fuck those two.

They ALWAYS want to do the same fucking thing over and over. They get bothered when I tell them I dont wanna do what they wanna do. One of them is ALWAYS down and depressed about stupid shit. The other brags non-stop and does whatever others are doing trying to fit in. Fuck those two.

Fuck now that I think about it, Im growing up and heading into my second year of college. They make me feel like I’m still in highschool. Fuck those two.

In addition, they are skinny fucking twigs. Ive taken to the gym with me and THEY NEVER WANT TO DO what I’m doing, they just wanna do the easy machine exercises and they never eat. They went for like 2-3 months and gained absolutely no weight. Fuck those two.

How do you break up with your once upon a time best friends? Seriously…

P.S. Fuck those two.

i don’t have friends

but i can walk down the street and someone along the way i know will offer me a ride to where im going.

this has happened 3 days in a row now so i guess that means at the least, i don’t have B.O.

The only way i’ve lost friends involving my training is when i invite them to come train with me. Especially when they really talk it up as if they’re going to stick with it for the long haul.

Then when the session comes around they never show up, which usually ends with me thinking they are worthless pieces of shit since i have to wait around for 1-2 hours before when i usually train just so that they don’t have to get up as early as i do. Yet another thing in my life which i keep to myself because of others insecurities and laziness.

Iron is my friend. It’s been there for thirty some years and has never let me down. People come and go, most hate being around strong healthy people, it makes them feel guilty and unhealthy.

[quote]Fling wrote:
I don’t think it has much to do with your training, it has a lot to do with the stage of life you’re in. All your friends are going to college, getting jobs, getting married, etc. It’s natural progression, you’ll regain contact with your real friends, other people will fall away, and you’ll make new friends along the way.

Just don’t fall into the trap of lifting, working, and flying solo. You need to network, meet people, make new friends, and have a social life. Instead of the bar scene, find something you enjoy doing, and find a place where people gather to do that.

I don’t care if it’s Dungeons and Dragons or mixed martial arts, join an organization where you get out a couple times a week and spend time hanging out and chatting with your peer group. To many people hang out with their 1 friend and girlfriend all the time, and miss out on a lot.

In this society it’s easy to sit in front of the computer and think it’s a social life, but in reality it sucks. Go out and meet people, make an effort to make friends, it pays off in the long run.

A lot of people have a hard time meeting people and making friend post school, which is why I recommend getting out and doing something you have in common with people. I get out and play card games a couple times a week.

I meet all kinds of people I’d never run into at work or at the gym, but we have shared interests, some of them I become friends and hang out with, and occasionally I meet someone that ends up providing me a job lead or other help along those lines.

As far as training getting in the way of your social life, it usually isn’t nearly as big a problem when you do the above since you’re doing whatever hobby you pick up in your free time, as are the people you meet.

You may not meet other lifters, but I find most people are fairly accepting of the fact that I sleep and eat in a healthy manor, and are happy to make the minor changes it takes to accommodate that when hanging out.[/quote]

Haha, you’re making me out to be some anti-social creep, man. I don’t have a problem meeting people or anything like that. I don’t make a conscious effort to go out and meet people because I don’t have the desire for it. The thing I realized is that a lot of teenagers are fake, rude, really weird, lazy, etc. I only know one person who isn’t like that (yet) so i’m fine hanging out with him.

I’m not worried at all about if I have a big social network of friends and shit to do every weekend. I also find it easier to hit on women and get phone numbers when I am by myself.

On the side topic that’s come up of losing friends or there being some alienation on account of inviting them to train with you and they either don’t show up or they are lame in the gym:

Don’t expect people that aren’t presently training with you to do so, let alone to be decent training partners.

This is a completely unrealistic expectation.

Yes I have lost a lot of ‘friends’ if you can call them so and well honestly I don’t give a shit. I don’t feel any difference from when they were around and now. I don’t have a lot of friends and you know what? It’s awesome.

I have maybe two persons AT MOST that I consider truly as being friends and although during summer we seldom meet I feel much better with the persons around me this way. I have found that true/decent friends aren’t decided upon the amount of time you pass with them, but rather their influence on your quest(s) to become a better person, being it trough lifting weights, finding a woman, studying etc etc etc…

BC

[quote]Professor X wrote:
You guys need to find out who your real friends are…and no, many of the people you know at 18 will not be around 10 years from now because you will outgrow them.

I have about 4 friends all from very different periods in my life that I KNOW I can call on, and I consider myself lucky because I doubt most people have that many others they can truly trust outside of family.

None of those guys make fun of my goals beyond basic shit like joking about how big I am or how much I eat when they see me. But then, my actions are nothing new as I have been lifting weights long enough for most who know me to know I have always been into it.

As you get older, your friendships will be bound much less on how much you hang out all of the time and much more on whether past events have cemented your friendship. If others are truly holding you back from your goals in life, they are not your friends.

They are simply people that need something from you and who will bail the moment they feel there is nothing more to gain.[/quote]

I dont where she heard it, an article on T-Nation i think, but it spoke about people being “toxic” haha. but it is extremely true.

people saying fuck the gym, come get drunk, dont stay in on a friday or saturday night cos u wanna gym in the morning, come out a get fucked up. im the first to admit that i love to hit the drinks for a hard night, but majority of the time it puts me ten steps backwards so in the past year it has become less frequent.

your totally correct about how ppl can hold u back, whether it be cos they cant accept someone doing better or they want to keep people down to make themselves feel better but only one of my 20 good school friends go to the gym, and he is now my training partner 6 days a week, no exception.

keep those people close, let them drive you further, nothing better than having a guy bigger and stronger than u pushing u and telling u to get that last rep for motivation. self motivation is everything in bodybuilding ive found, but another to share in the experience is just icing on the cake.

/end rant

  • rob

[quote]pro-a-ggression wrote:
people saying fuck the gym, come get drunk, dont stay in on a friday or saturday night cos u wanna gym in the morning, come out a get fucked up. im the first to admit that i love to hit the drinks for a hard night, but majority of the time it puts me ten steps backwards so in the past year it has become less frequent.
[/quote]

IMHO, you have to be careful with this. (general statement, not directed at you)

There is a difference between making sacrifices to reach your goals and ostracizing yourself. No need to hit the bars/clubs every weekend and get hammered, but avoiding most social situations because you think they might hurt next morning’s workout borderline OCD (figure of speech).

Yes, yes, I know: “Obsessed is just a word the lazy use to describe the dedicated”.

Lovely.

Just be selective of the events you attend, come home a little early, and minimize/avoid drinking alcohol.

You only get one shot at life and time waits for no man.

[quote]Professor X wrote:
You guys need to find out who your real friends are…and no, many of the people you know at 18 will not be around 10 years from now because you will outgrow them.

I have about 4 friends all from very different periods in my life that I KNOW I can call on, and I consider myself lucky because I doubt most people have that many others they can truly trust outside of family.

None of those guys make fun of my goals beyond basic shit like joking about how big I am or how much I eat when they see me. But then, my actions are nothing new as I have been lifting weights long enough for most who know me to know I have always been into it.

As you get older, your friendships will be bound much less on how much you hang out all of the time and much more on whether past events have cemented your friendship. If others are truly holding you back from your goals in life, they are not your friends.

They are simply people that need something from you and who will bail the moment they feel there is nothing more to gain.[/quote]

Well spoken words from someone who is obviously been there done that.

Me to brother. At 29, I’ve lost a few friends along the way. Jusy happens

The cool thing OP is you can gain a few new friends on the way. Just keep an open mind

After high school friends drop left and right. After college your lucky if you still talk to 2-3 people from high school. Booze buddies suck, once the beer is gone so are they. I don’t talk to anyone from college. Tragedies bring everyone together for a week or 2, then emails and calls continue for a few weeks, then they fade away again.

The exception is my brother, that kid still has a close knit group of friends, about 7, from high school that have been through a lot together. He talks to, and hangs out with them every couple of days.

All my friends now are pretty much from the gym I go to.
I just dont really have anything in common with my old ones.

[quote]Protoculture wrote:
pro-a-ggression wrote:
people saying fuck the gym, come get drunk, dont stay in on a friday or saturday night cos u wanna gym in the morning, come out a get fucked up. im the first to admit that i love to hit the drinks for a hard night, but majority of the time it puts me ten steps backwards so in the past year it has become less frequent.

IMHO, you have to be careful with this. (general statement, not directed at you)

There is a difference between making sacrifices to reach your goals and ostracizing yourself. No need to hit the bars/clubs every weekend and get hammered, but avoiding most social situations because you think they might hurt next morning’s workout borderline OCD (figure of speech).

Yes, yes, I know: “Obsessed is just a word the lazy use to describe the dedicated”.

Lovely.

Just be selective of the events you attend, come home a little early, and minimize/avoid drinking alcohol.

You only get one shot at life and time waits for no man. [/quote]

yes, well i do that too, usually work on saturday nights and hence avoid heavy drinking nights, plus get my other nights durin the week to do other stuff like going out but to the movies or peoples houses rather then pubs/clubs. it just helps is all :slight_smile:

[quote]ucallthatbass wrote:
After high school friends drop left and right. After college your lucky if you still talk to 2-3 people from high school. Booze buddies suck, once the beer is gone so are they. I don’t talk to anyone from college. Tragedies bring everyone together for a week or 2, then emails and calls continue for a few weeks, then they fade away again.
[/quote]

That’s… kinda sad.

At 25, I still talk and hang out with a shitload of the same people I’ve known since I was 16. I thought it would go that way for us, but it turns out we’re just maturing together. I didn’t think I’d be going to all these motherfucker’s weddings and meeting their kids and shit when we were 16.

There’s a lot of us as well… still reliably 15 or more that talk most days and go out on weekends. I’ve been told repeatedly that most people don’t have that… I don’t know how they deal with life without it.

[quote]FightinIrish26 wrote:
ucallthatbass wrote:
After high school friends drop left and right. After college your lucky if you still talk to 2-3 people from high school. Booze buddies suck, once the beer is gone so are they. I don’t talk to anyone from college. Tragedies bring everyone together for a week or 2, then emails and calls continue for a few weeks, then they fade away again.

That’s… kinda sad.

At 25, I still talk and hang out with a shitload of the same people I’ve known since I was 16. I thought it would go that way for us, but it turns out we’re just maturing together. I didn’t think I’d be going to all these motherfucker’s weddings and meeting their kids and shit when we were 16.

There’s a lot of us as well… still reliably 15 or more that talk most days and go out on weekends. I’ve been told repeatedly that most people don’t have that… I don’t know how they deal with life without it.[/quote]

I think you are confusing “friends I hang out with” with “friends that just might donate a kidney for me”.

[quote]Professor X wrote:

I think you are confusing “friends I hang out with” with “friends that just might donate a kidney for me”. [/quote]

I know what you’re saying.

But there are still probably five or six that I could request that and have them take it seriously.

I agree with professor X . In my younger day I ended any relation ship that interfered with my workout. Even today if you want to get on my bad side try and fuck with my workout.