T Nation

Losing Friends in Quest For a Better Body


#1

I'm not sure if anyone past their teenage years has experienced this (or maybe early 20s) but has anyone who has been (or already has) gotten into the spirit of getting a better body lost friends through it?

After putting my feet down and eating, thinking, and shitting muscle for the last three weeks, I have lost contact with a lot of my older pals who most likely wouldn't have supported me through getting ripped. Hell, after all was said and done, I only have one friend that I hang out with.

But my dad always told me, "Justin, you're eighteen. Soon you'll find out that through your social network of friends, you'll end up middle-aged with only two, really good friends that you'll trust more than your wife."

So is it true? Am I just entering that phase where I find myself, and as a result, become a man and realize that some people are just burdens? I mean, it's sad. These people I speak of I have been friends with for four years, we've been through a lot of shit. But thinking about it, they won't be going anywhere except the liquor store.

Thoughts??


#2

Idk man. I'm 20 and have lost most of my crew over the past 2 years. But you know what? I've made new friends, and some of them I trust more then I ever trusted the old ones. I think its just something that happens regardless of your life decisions.


#3

If only thing you did with you friends was drinking and partying (and related stuff, like dealing with police because of that), belive me, it ain't a real friendship. Most of those guys would laugh in your face if you said something personal to them, poison you with bad words of failure for your goals and be general pricks about it. I don't know what's that - jealousy, envy?

To be honest, I'm in generaly the same stage. Anytime I talk about my goals or training in general, I'm always "attacked" and "put down" by them, while most of them don't work out, and those that do are JESUS CHRIST skiny. The worst is this guy, I shit you not, whose thighs are smaller than my calves (he's been going to the gym for a few YEARS).


#4

You guys need to find out who your real friends are...and no, many of the people you know at 18 will not be around 10 years from now because you will outgrow them.

I have about 4 friends all from very different periods in my life that I KNOW I can call on, and I consider myself lucky because I doubt most people have that many others they can truly trust outside of family.

None of those guys make fun of my goals beyond basic shit like joking about how big I am or how much I eat when they see me. But then, my actions are nothing new as I have been lifting weights long enough for most who know me to know I have always been into it.

As you get older, your friendships will be bound much less on how much you hang out all of the time and much more on whether past events have cemented your friendship. If others are truly holding you back from your goals in life, they are not your friends.

They are simply people that need something from you and who will bail the moment they feel there is nothing more to gain.


#5

That last sentence is golden, Prof, and what I have said to them before.

Most of my group leeched off each other, whether they thought so or not. Either for sex, drugs, or booze. I was lucky enough to not worry about any of that (I had a brief stint with booze a few months ago, and that was a week long adventure that I quit after I realized how time consuming a hang over is.)

But a friend that I considered to be one of my best pals also bailed on me once I started getting dead fucking serious about lifting. He told me that he also wanted to get into the game, and I said if he is he's going to have to get his shit straight or he's not coming along on the ride.

Needless to say, he did not get up at seven in the morning. Hell, it just makes me feel better. It's survival of the fittest, and I know that I am the last man standing.

It's hard for a man like me to have "hang-out buddies" anymore, but in reality, I never cared much for them because I was raised to be independent.

In middle school I told people I was going to lose fifty pounds that school year and went from 230 to 180 pounds. I got laughed at until they noticed my shirt was sagging.


#6

I wish I had friends.


#7

im 17 and i have three good friends, one who is usually busy so i see him more during school, two i hang out with alot, but i also dont hang out with them as much now because with work during the summer i go to work lift, and sleep each day as right now thats more important,

they also are turning their values different from mine i believe as they started drinking and smoking cigarettes occasionally this year which i have no interest in doig right now or in the next thirty plus years,

i am looking foward to college to meet people that more blend with my lifestyle, i have also found a lack of care for people lately and do things that benefit me more than others as i dont really feel connected to anyone right now so yeh i would say you lose friends that really are not really close to you over time


#8

Bignate, you sound like me when you say your work, lift, and sleep.

That's practically all I have been in the past three weeks. Before three weeks it was work, run, and sleep.

I used to get bitched out by my friends for working so much and not hanging out with them and I always said "I'd rather work my ass off and not do anything fun so that when i'm not working, I can actually have fun beyond drinking and getting smashed with my moms money". Needless to say, that was a little too personal for them.

The school year coming out will be the same for me. Lift at seven in the morning, go to school, work from four till ten, and sleep. And when some big concert comes up or some planned event, i'll set myself accordingly. But a lot of people (not just teenagers) are too focused on having a lot of free time and always wonder why they are "bored" and "fat".


#9

I'm a huge believer in growing physically, emotionally, intellectually, and socially. I don't let any one of them slide, or the whole of my starts to decay. I've been lucky enough where I have a pretty large group of friends who are closer to family then me. It wasn't until I reached highschool that I found out that not everyone had that.


#10

Granted: but they're all hairy like chubacca and smell like a wet dog.
I wish my friends weren't so content to get married and effectively end their lives before they even got started.


#11

You probably couldn't count on any of your older friends if you confronted them with some bad shit that happened in your life.

Find better friends.


#12

i stopped chilling with just about everyone i used to chill with.

i mean how many times can you sit in the same fucking room, hearing the same fucking old stories, doing the same fucking thing? shit gets played out.

i've tried hanging out with a few different groups i've met since but it just didn't work out i guess. like i used to play basketball with these other dudes a lot then they just stopped hittin me up to play, idk maybe cause i suck at basketball?


#13

^^ Has no friends


#14

Granted: but now your married to a girl that looks like chubacca and she smells like a wet dog


#15

yeh i go out occassionally when i have a day off or like today i went and bought some new plates with my paycheck hehe, but since i havent been spending as much time with them except at work i find my interests growing apart and i dont enjoy the company as much anymore either,

ive also had a very short fuse lately with people for some reason and i get really pissed really mad, i refused to drive one of my friends home from work even though he lives less than .1 miles down the road from me.... o well


#16

So...you've been lifting 3 weeks and in this time you've lost contact with friends? And your experience with alcohol was a 1 week period? And hell, if I had a friend could leech sex from (preferably not MM) I think he would be worth keeping around.

Kid, you sound like your just going through the thing called life. X was right, and the meaning of friends changes as you grow older. I have friends who I haven't talked to in over a year (except maybe on facebook occasionally) but I know if I go see them it would almost be like we were only apart for a week. Friends are important, you just need like minded ones.


#17

There are always "circumstantial friends" you will have... co-workers or schoolmates. Then, once in a while, you will come across one of these who you just click with, can open up with, and who will support you/you will support them, even if your goals are different, because you value the friendship with the other person.

I was pretty outcast in high school so fortunately I discovered this early on. At nearly thirty, I consider myself blessed to have maybe four or five of this sort of friend. I think I just met another one, we'll see.


#18

My experience with drinking was a longer stint (I did it a few times with a good friend of mine for his birthday , which is retrospect was fun, but I wouldn't do it again.) but drinking in a party scene lasted a week. (I think a week before summer break and first day off). I remember going to work the next day with the worst hang-over and I still tasted weed.

It wouldn't be truthful to say that i've lost contact with people within three weeks, it's slowly dimished beforehand, but when I stopped making effort to get together with the last guy in that group that I consider to be the point where I realized how careful you have to be with who you associate as friends and acquantancies.


#19

If you lose "friends" like that, I would say they are not your real friends.


#20

Exactly, that's why I do not call them friends. Though I probably forgot to clarify that or didn't include enough follow-ups like "lying scumbags" or "gay faggots"