T Nation

Looking for the male perspective

What crosses the line between ‘flirting’ and ‘leading on’?

Every conversation we have, sweetheart. :slight_smile:

Good question Michelle. I don’t like the looks I see my girlfriend give my mates sometimes, but don’t want to stir trouble so say nothing (besides which, her mates give me the same ‘look’ quite often too). I personally don’t like it when she flirts. Anyone else?

When our arm is firmly grasped in some manner or when a female encourages her friend(s) whom she’s with to disperse, thus leaving you two alone.

"MB Eric: Almsot about to break into Robbie Palmer's "Some guys have all the luck" but refuses to do so in a T-induced fit since 1891."


I think once physical contact comes into play … flirting with the eyes, smiles, etc., is all innocent. Once it gets to the touchy-feely stage, then let’s get it on!

In my opinion, I think flirting crosses the line to leading on if you touch the other person. Gentle pats, gently touching, or pecs on the cheek (not related to a greeting/departure) seem to me to be more misleading if simply flirting.

Excellent question, Michelle! (Maybe the difference is whether or not you invite someone to a South Sea island or not? LOL!(smile!). Seriously…I think it all boils down to intent. I work in a pretty open office where 95% of the employees are young women, maybe 3%are “older”, and maybe 1-2% are men. There are a LOT of “double entendres” and flirting, if you may, that occurs in the office. It is BY FAR, innocent, with maybe 4 or 5 people out of say, 100 who have “taken it furthur” (sexual harassment, affairs, office relationships, etc.). In my opinion, what is the difference? The “flirt” happens, you smile, and people move on. (Example: One lady knows my Computer nic is “Mufasa”…she will often walk seductivly by, smile and say “Meeowww! Do Lions like Kitties?” or just purr. (By the way…she is hot!..but not worth losing a job over…anyway…) "The “lead on” has an end result in mind, people become more involved and persistent, usually there is meeting OUTSIDE of work…in other words…MUCH more than a word or two, a smile, then moving on…

On the touching issue…I NEVER touch a woman at work…I don’t think that that is leading on…its plain stupid…and can get you in a lot of trouble. As Dennis Miller would say…“Of course, that’s my opinion. I could be wrong…”…

I have the same problem sometimes, I am a huge flirt. I think a lot of it depends on the relationships I have with people though. I have been friends with certain girls for years and we flirt back and forth but we know it is just flirting. When it is someone I don’t know well, I think a good rule of thumb would be invasion of personal space. If you think about every time you have kissed someone for the first time, there is always an awkward moment when you are close with that person. Either your faces are close or other things like holding hands, arms around each other, etc I think leading on would be getting that close to that person and pulling back.

i’m just waiting for the tickets to show up at my door!!! grin

Mufasa, can I come visit you at work?

If you are asking that question you have crossed it.

well, no, i don’t think so. but the opinion of the other party involved is different than mine. so i figured, since no one on this forum is ever at a loss for words (myself included! grin) i’d see what all of you think!

when she spits, it’s most certainly still innocent… but- if she swallows: look out! She’s definately flirting and you might just get some!

I’ll take it one further than Chris. Once you look our way, that’s it. :slight_smile: No, really, it to a large degree depends on the guy. Some guys don’t know how to take simple flirting and may think that it means more than it does. I don’t think there is a clear line.

Since women’s minds are warped, I prefer to play it conservative. Unless I’m staring head-on into some bare-ass titties, and we’re the only two people in the room, and she’s made some kind of physical contact (with the exception of me getting slapped), it’s just flirting. However, this could be the reason I never get any. Time to ponder…

Bronx brings up a GREAT point! I think that what we have been talking about is essentially GUYS crossing the line. Is there any way to tell (short of simply asking…simply by “cues”), that a woman wants to do more than flirt? I think that the “kitty” at work wants a little more simply because of her persistance…but again…I won’t ask because the RISK (hey…I’m a man!) are too high. It’s simply not WORTH even asking… Mufasa

When it leads to any form of UNWANTED AROUSAL.
When it becomes a distraction or total preoccupation.
When it turns into harassment by one of the parties.
Otherwise, ENJOY :slight_smile: Love has to start somewhere! :slight_smile:

See that’s why I like Japan so much. You can still have a relaxed relationship with your female coworkers here, and no one misinterprets a friendly shoulder-to-shoulder nudge as anything to get upset about.

I’ll make it easy for you all. Two things are needed. One is the thought of crossing that boundry. Let’s say the thought is a kiss or sex…hmmm…so, then the second thing is an act upon that thought. To give an example, let’s say that some putz enters a jewelry store with the thought to steal something. He enters and then asks the clerk to look at an item. He thinks about stealing it and BAM! That’s it. That’s all that’s needed. Same thing with flirting. You can talk all you want but once the thought of going out with someone is acted on, resulting in a harmless kiss on the cheek or pat on the ass, BINGO! You now have a boner-fide cheat! That my T-folks is crossing the boundry! Oh, Mufasa, are you guys hiring?

Anything before crotch rubbing is flirting, any genetalia contact (through clothing) is leading on if there will be nothing to follow.