T Nation

Looking for Feedback for Coaching Ad

Hey guys, I decided to put an ad on craigslist for 1 on 1 coaching services.

I don’t think TMuscle would even allow me to link directly to it but this is what it says, looking for feedback about the wording, the ad, the cost. Feedback would be appreciated:

Greetings!

Before even beginning let’s talk experience and credentials.

I am testing for my 3rd degree this Spring.
I am Kukkiwon and WTF Certified. Thats the Organization that puts on events such as the Olympics and the Taekwondo World Championship.
I coached the national team of Samoa for 2 years. Among my success I had 3 students attend the World Championship. I also had color belt student attend national tournaments in Australia and win multiple gold medals.
I am now coaching part-time locally in Orlando.
I am Adult CPR / Child CPR / AED Certified by the American Red Cross of Central Florida.

No other coach in Orlando has Kukkiwon or WTF Certification, I’ve checked. Most schools will advertise “Karate” when in fact they are teaching you generic movements that won’t get you anywhere in competition.

If you’re interested in training my specialty is Olympic style Taekwondo, both sparring and poomsae (form).

What is Form? Well, if you want to compete in International tournaments you have to be a Black Belt. To test for Black belt there are requirements, namely knowledge of the Poomsae. I know all of them up through 4th Dan. I learned them from Korean masters and grandmasters.

Does having true martial arts experience excite you? Are you interested in getting to tournaments? Great!

Are you a Mixed Martial Artist looking for inexpensive one on one coaching that doesn’t require membership fees? I can work with your striking abilities and some grappling abilities in a way no other will teach you here in the Orlando metro. I’ve looked around and most MMA schools are run by some guy that wears Tapout and claims to know Muay Thai. What credentials does he actually have as a coach or fighter?

Whether you’ve already got some McDojo training but want the real deal or are just starting out this could be right for you.

Price will vary depending on location and how many sessions a month you’d like. To get you interested I’ll give you 1 free 2 hour training session. This is a limited offer that I’ll try to give the first 4 people to reply to this ad.

$10/hr is the base price. Lower prices if you schedule a few sessions at a time, a small additional fee if you want me to meet you someplace more than 8 miles away from my residency.

A note to parents:
I can, and do work with young children. This should not be considered unless your child is serious about their martial arts. I work with a few afterschool programs as well, they are great for children that want to do something active and have fun. Once they get serious and interested in competing then you can look me up if you want your child to get more 1 on 1 training in a focused environment.

Look forward to hearing from you!

*You’re not charging enough.
*Instead of saying you’re testing for 3rd degree this spring, say you’re 2nd degree. It says you’ve accomplished something instead of that you hope to accomplish something.
*Stop insulting other MMA schools & instructors. Even if all your prospective students have is McDojo training, they probably did the best they could and are proud of whatever skills they do have.
*Instead of saying you learned from Korean masters & grandmasters, say “Master so-and-so” and “Grandmaster so-and-so” of Korea, so they can google them.
*List the afterschool programs you work with so parents can seek references.

+1 to what Miss Parker wrote.

Bashing other schools just makes you look unprofessional. Tell people what you do and at what level not what others dont.

Also the part about only wanting children that are serious might turn off potential clients. Parents or kids might not know if a Martial Art is for them and you are closing off there interest in it by saying you dont want people who are just interested in it. If you dont want children unless they are serious about it I might remove the after school part all together.

Overall its a good start for an ad. I wish you the best of luck in getting students and seeing them succeed.

A) Too long, especially at the start. Start with:

“Does having true martial arts experience excite you? Are you interested in getting to tournaments? Are you a Mixed Martial Artist looking for inexpensive one on one coaching that doesn’t require membership fees?”

Or something like that. Basic sales:

  1. Present the product
  2. State why your product is great
  3. State why it’s better than the competition.

I agree not to bash. This:

"Whether you’ve already got some McDojo training but want the real deal or are just starting out this could be right for you. "

Is a good line and puts you at higher status than “the other guys” without seeming bitter. I can tell you that I have trained under a coach who loved to bash other fighters and other fight camps and I absolutely hated it. What you are selling is going to appeal to somebody who enjoyed training at a McDojo place and wants to learn more. No need to bash their previous school/coach, who they probably like.

B) You’re drunk if you charge $10 an hour, especially with your qualification… charge $10 per person for small-group (6-8 people) or $40 an hour for 1-on-1. This will still be cheaper than most people. To be honest, if I were you, I would have my base rate at $15 per person for small group (6-10) training and $40 per person for semi-private (2-3) training, and then discount from there. With your qualifications, you should not be earning less than $60 an hour for actual coaching time.

I wouldn’t even put your price in the ad. I do small group training and I charge some clients different than others. Some I would (and do) train for a nominal fee or I train them for free in exchange for them being “assistants” with less experienced or younger athletes. Some I don’t particularly want to work with, so I just charge them a higher rate to compensate for the fact that they are more work to coach.

If I saw “$10 per hour” for personal instruction in ANYTHING, I would assume that guy/girl sucked because people who are good coaches can command much more than that. Get people interested, talk to them in person or on the phone and get them excited about training with you (and figure out how excited you are to actually train them) and then quote them the price. Much better for both parties.

A final note about getting into coaching/personal training/etc.: serious athletes are generally broke as fuck and there aren’t enough of them to make a living (or even half a living) only training them. The recreational athletes in the middle of the pack are the ones who are going to put out the cash to support your business so that you can train the athletes who really have a passion. It’s like that in any coaching/training endeavor.

I have taught in school’s and clubs,and coached privately a little bit and what you have suggested is not a great way to have a business.

Ms.P kind of nailed it. :slight_smile:

Minimum wage in Florida is 7.25$ an hour.
I don’t think I need to elaborate, you have undervalued your own time.

Its a little bit condecending in tone.
to your peers

cause that is what the other ‘coaches’ are
your peers.

You have not mentioned any kind of Insurance that you carry which
is a deal breaker for any kind of work with anyone under the age of 25
if they are smart.

Streamlining your qualifications into a sentence or two, is a great start.
Listing the CPR certs are a good start.
If it doesnt say FILA or USA before any of your martial arts certs its a little esoteric,
no matter what the organization.
Just saying.

Also what is it specifically that you are offering??
It seems very similar to your critiques of ‘MMA’ coaches.

Hmm okay, thanks for the input. I’ll have to make some changes and reevaluate.

I know the price is very low but I wanted to get started immediately with 1 or 2 clients even if its cheap to fund equipment and get rolling. Can always charge more to future clients. It just seemed to me why would someone pay $20/hr for 16 hours = $320. And $30 is probably fair but in todays economy I don’t know I’d find anyone will to pay that much right now. Maybe after I get even more credentials, maybe I am shortchanging myself. Hmm I’m not a salesman, I’m just a coach and martial artist. This is why I don’t want to open my own school, it would fail miserably, cause I’d never make a profit. :[

I suppose I’ll reword it to try not to sound so condescending,

Korean Master names don’t mean anything. And only 2 of the 6 I’ve worked with have websites. I suppose I could link those 2 at least though.

FILA or USA before Certifications? Taekwondo is affiliated by the World Taekwondo Federation for competition (WTF) and Kukkiwon for grading purposes. USTU (United States Taekwondo Union) is the old body before Taekwondo became an Olympic sport. ATA (American Taekwondo Association) is a strange derivative of the North Korean style of Taekwondo called ITF (International Taekwondo Federation) and nobody outside of North Korea participates in it knowingly.

I already got 1 email, even though I probably should’ve posted on here for review before submitting it. Someone wants 3 sessions a week. I emailed them some basic information questions to get started and see where they are at in their training, what they’re goal is, and where the are located. But now I’m going to take the ad down now and reword it, post it on here for critique, and then put it up once finalized. What I should’ve done to begin with.

Thanks for the feedback.

Adjustments #1

Additional feedback still welcomed


Greetings!

Does having true martial arts experience excite you? Are you interested in getting to tournaments? Great!

Before even beginning let’s talk experience and credentials.

I am currently a 2nd degree blackbelt, testing for my 3rd degree this Spring.
I am Kukkiwon and World Taekwondo Federation Certified. Thats the Organization that puts on events such as the Olympics and the Taekwondo World Championship.
I coached the national team of Samoa for 2 years. Among my success I had 3 students attend the World Championship. I also had color belt student attend national tournaments in Australia and win multiple gold medals.
I am now coaching part-time locally in Orlando.
I was trained by 7th Dan Blackbelt Grandmaster Sung-Hyun “Peter” Paik with additional training by 9th Dan Blackbelt Grandmaster Joo-Yul Oh
I have been involved with training workshops put on by the WTF working with 4 young Korean masters (Master Kwak, Master Lee, Master Jeong, Master Kim)
I am Adult CPR / Child CPR / AED Certified by the American Red Cross of Central Florida.

If you’re interested in training my specialty is Olympic style Taekwondo, both sparring and poomsae (form).

What is Form? Well, if you want to compete in International tournaments you have to be a Black Belt. To test for Black belt there are requirements, namely knowledge of the Poomsae. I know all of them up through 4th Dan.

Are you a Mixed Martial Artist looking for inexpensive one on one coaching that doesn’t require membership fees? Let me show you what Taekwondo can bring to the table.

Whether you’ve already got some training but want a more personalized experience or are just starting out this could be right for you.

Price will vary depending on location and how many sessions a month you’d like. To get you interested I’ll give you 1 free 2 hour training session. This is a limited offer that I’ll try to give the first 4 people to reply to this ad.

The price will be negotiable based on age and number of sessions a month. Approximate costs will be $20/hour, $15/hour if you buy 8 sessions at 2 sessions week. A session is 2 hours long to make the commute time worth it. There is also a small additional fee if you want me to meet you someplace more than 8 miles away from my residency. Partner training also available!

A note to parents:
I can, and do work with young children. This should not be considered unless your child is serious about their martial arts. I work with a few afterschool programs as well, they are great for children that want to do something active and have fun. If your child is first starting please try one of these first then once they get serious and interested in competing you can look me up if you want your child to get more 1 on 1 training in a focused environment. It will be better for your child that way!

This is better. Now, one more thing. You are denigrating your own worth with statements like “To get you interested, I’ll give you…” and “a session is 2 hours long to make the commute time worth it”.

Your expertise and experience and ability to help people grow and succeed are what get people interested and make it worth the commute. I would happily drive across town to train for an hour with my coach, and pay him well for the privilege of learning from him, because he’s so freaking awesome and such a pleasure to train with. Hopefully your students feel the same way!

Good luck!

hmm I don’t have a location in mind. I’m planning on meeting them either at a park or at their house. If I had a gym for them to come train at of course I’d be charging more but I don’t. I’m trying to build up clientele and equipment so that one day I might be able to.

Maybe I should’ve stated that?

I think its a good idea… however Im a first degree WTF, so im technically certified. Dont think it means too much.

The coaching thing is cool, how is YOUR competition experience. We have not heard about you as an athelete, only whom youve trained. How did you do at collegiates/nationals/pan-ams etc? Olympic Tkd is a very organized sport with lots of competitive levels. Its easy to tell whose at what level if you know what I mean. Im just saying as a customer, id rather see what someone did rather than who they trained with. I took a seminar with Jimmy Kim, do I put that on my training resume?

Florida is pretty saturated with good tkd… hell florida, cali and texas are USA Tkd. Why should someone train with you when they can train with Juan Moreno? Just some things. But really , whats your competition experience.