T Nation

long distance relationships

so, i meet this guy a few weeks ago on vaca. we spend nearly a week together, and both feel pretty amazing about one another. what’s the problem, we live 250 miles from one another. he’s done the distance thing and says it sucks, and really doesn’t want to, but keeps coming back to how he feels about me, which throws a wrench in his normally logical thought processes.

he could very well be “the one.” i want to give it a go, but i’ve never done it and don’t know if long-term i could handle it.

what are people’s experiences? can it work? what are some parameters we should set up? help! the biggest problem is that we both have whole big lives established, picking up and moving ain’t all that easy. (although easier for me than him.) this sucks!

I have done this before. It’s not all that bad once you get used to it. It worked for me for about a year. Then we moved in together. Thats when hell started. My only advise is to go with your heart. I say give it a try. Definitly keep in touch by phone everyday even if its just a few minutes. It will help.

Of course it will work, IF you both want it to work. But you are too young in your relationship to make that comittment right now.

let me ask you something. did you have sex with this guy during this week?

I met a girl in my hometown the summer after my freshman year. Fell in love and then had to return back to school in the fall. Spend way to much on long distance, gas and everything but it was a great relationship. Did that for one year.

I had an internship near my hometown for the fall semester my Junior year. We got to spend time together that summer and the fall. And to be honest, that sucked and she eventually cheated on me.

The great thing about long distance relationships is that the distance covers up the problems. When you only get to have them on weekends, you don’t see the negative aspects. You miss them so much during the week that it doesn’t nothing else matters. But, when you the distance changes, the fundamentals of the relationship change. That person who you missed so much during the week and had so much fun with on the weekends is now always around. When you used to have only the precious few hours of the weekend together but now you have the whole week, your time together becomes less dear. Fights break out more easily because you realize that every little minute doesn’t matter as much.

I won’t advise against a long distance relationship just be warned that just because things work out when you are apart doesn’t mean they will when you are close.

yes, but not the first night, or the second.

P-dog asked the right question here so dont lie because that answer could change alot of peoples views…Also how old are you guys?

i’m 29 and he’s 27

One week? The “One”?

That’s lust my friend.

Long distance is extremely difficult. There are some huge trust issue to think about. You don’t even know him.

bedz is right on.

ill tell you my honest opinion, and this isnt meant to offend anyone and is probably also hypocritical on my part. however it is totaly out of my control.

if a girl gave it up that quick to me i would never consider her anything except a sex partner, period. i dont care how hot she is, how much she has going for her, etc. i simply lose all attraction in regards to a long term relationship if i do not have to wait.

im not saying everyone is like this, but i know a lot of people are. you have to keep a guy interested long enough to develop strong feelings for you before giving it up if you expect him to have serious feelings for you. yes, it is a double standard but thats the way it is.

im sure this will piss a few people off but oh well, welcome to reality.

A week seems way too short to start thinking about “the one”… then again I pretty much knew after 2 days with my GF. 4 years later we’re 1000KM apart and barely hanging on despite having been physically together for 3 1/2yrs. There needs to be an end to the long distance thing in sight (something I do not have, hence the problems).

Not hijacking, just giving something to compare to.


Take my advice- they dont work. Trust me, I was in one for 5 years. the fallout was pretty well documented on this exact site, actually (anybody recall bionic by chance?). drop it, find somebody in your area. its a lot easier to deal with.

Here’s the thing. A chick knows if she wants to fuck you in pretty short order. Holding out longer is an illusion to make other people see her differently. We all know how people think. If she knows she isn’t going to have a year and a day she might want to hurry things along.

I met a girl when I was home on leave. I fell in lust with her in about two nanoseconds. We got to know each other better, went on a 4 day hike. Note: You get to know people pretty well when there is no movie, dinner out, or radio to get in the way. I fell in love with her in short order and this was BEFORE we had sex. I’d had plenty of sex prior so it wasn’t just being horny.

Fast forward 23 years. Our daughter will be applying to med school this year and our son is going in the Navy in May. We’re still happily married with a lot less problems than almost anyone we know. We’ve been through a lot of things together, hikes from hell, pack horse wrecks, me getting my nose nearly removed by a mule’s (ironicaly he died today :frowning: ) hoof, sick and injured kids, deaths of family and friends, and more. I’d couldn’t think of a person I’ve met in my life that I’d rather have with me when the shit hits the fan or things turn out perfect.

So I don’t think weeding out the girls that are obviously greatly sexually attracted to you (nobody said they were easy for anyone else) is just one more opportunity lost. Who knows, she might know you’re “the one” first and she’s got the ovaries to act on it.

Long term relationships. Been there, done that. If there is an end in sight and you really are meant to be together it can be done. It’s not easy. Maintaining frequent contact is a good thing. We used this stuff called paper and pen, you might have seen them in the museum, but E-mail, text messaging, and those cheap cell phone minutes are even better.

What bedz said. That’s the answer.

Ok i have to agree with Thunder and P-Dog, this sounds like lust to me.As far what P-Dog says I also would not commit to someone who gave it up too fast either,Please dont be offended I am not in any means calling you names or trying to belittle you as I am sure that you were very pressured knowing that you only had a week with this Person.

On top of this let me add,now this is coming from a guy who has slept with quite a few people and is very good at telling girls/women what they want to hear.I feel that him filling your head with all the “I love you type of stuff”,but then telling you that he thinks long disance relationships suck, he is pretty much just trying to keep you on a short leash knowing that you are only a few hundred miles away.He simply does not want to burn down that bridge because he knows he will see you again,im sure he likes you and has feeling for you just dont trust how genuine they many be…well that is my 2 cents and i could totally be wrong so take it as you want,just let me tell you that it sounds like something I myself would do/say…Good Luck

What Bedz said is very good information. Keep this in mind. However, I do not care if the relationship is long distance or your next store neighbor or your ex fiances(sp) best friend( yes I married the best friend)it all comes down to choice. People choose to or choose not too. Even after marriage. You can choose to make it work or you can choose to not make it work. It will be up to you guys and what you two want. I would not pass it by, life is too short that is for sure. I wish you the best. The distance will be what you CHOOSE to make it.

In my own experiences, unless you have a good base for the relationship already, something long distance isn’t worth it. I’ll never do it again.

One of these days I’ve got to meet SteelyEyes wife. Sounds like a gem. Like Mrs. Roids, of course.

Long distance sucks. Period. And don’t sell yourself on the idea of “the one.” There isn’t “the one.” There are a whole lot of people out there with whom you would have the requisite compatibility to live happily ever after. At any rate, I especially wouldn’t sell yourself on the idea that someone might be “the one” (among the many “ones”) after a week’s time.