There once was a fellow McSweeny
Who spilled some gin on his weenie
Just to be couth
He added vermouth
Then slipped his girlfriend a martini
There was a young tease from Mount Chesser
Who’d smile as the men would assess her
So flirtatious was she
Inviting them home to tea
Then allowing not one to undress her
Said a fool whose mind was quite miniscule
As his ignorance reached a new pinnacle
"I don’t believe in astrology
It’s my ideology
But I’m a Leo and Leo’s are cynical
A bear taking a dump asked a rabbit
“Does shit stick to your fur as a habit?”
“Of course not,” said the hare,
“It’s really quite rare!”
So the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit.
Twas a crazy old man called O’Keef
Who caused local farmers much grief
To their cows he would run
Cut their legs off for fun
And say “Look, I’ve invented ground beef!”
One lady from east Pennsylvania
Had a rather unorthodox mania:
She’d shave her dates’ heads,
Strap them tight to their beds
And then masturbate on their bald crania.
Said the swell to the belle from Virginia,
“After all that I’ve done now to win ya!
Dinners, movies and plays
And it’s always me pays –
Tell me: what does it take to get in ya?!”
There once was a woman named Monica.
Bill met her on the first day of Hannukah.
She wore a beret,
And didn’t have much to say.
But man, could she play the harmonica!
There once was a young man named Bruno,
who said, "Fucking is one thing I do know.
"Sheep are just fine,
"And women devine,
“But, llamas are numero uno!”
There once was a skier from Aspen,
Who was seen going down in a fast spin.
He careened out of sight,
Screaming, “Hey, on your right!”
Now, it’s, “Open the door, let my cast in.”
In the garden of Eden sat Adam,
Massaging the bust of his madam,
He chuckled with mirth,
For he knew that on earth,
There were only two boobs and he had 'em.
I knew a young man from Skokie
Whom the cops locked up in the pokey.
Where to his chagrin,
The menu was thin,
Cause tossin’ a salad’s no jokey.
From England there was an old bloke
Who picked up a girl for a poke
He pulled down her pants
Fucked her into a trance
And then shit in her shoe as a joke
OctoberGirl started a thread
And all night, limericks were read.
Some made us smile,
But all the while,
We wished for those ta-ta’s instead…
Love ya! 
[quote]SteelyD wrote:
OctoberGirl started a thread
And all night, limericks were read.
Some made us smile,
But all the while,
We wished for those ta-ta’s instead…
Love ya! :p[/quote]
oh that was good…
that was very good
There was a man called Dave
Who kept a dead whore in a cave
He said “I admit
I am a bit of a shit
But think of the money I save”
There once was a lady named Bright.
Who could travel faster than light.
She went off one day,
in a relative way,
And returned the preceding night.
It’s not mine, but it’s all I could do on short notice.
[quote]Otep wrote:
There once was a lady named Bright.
Who could travel faster than light.
She went off one day,
in a relative way,
And returned the preceding night.
It’s not mine, but it’s all I could do on short notice.[/quote]
oh I didn’t write any of the ones I posted!
I only knew
Hickory Dickory dock …
I’m made to mark on paper.
I’ve no legs to run or caper.
My stem is yellow,
My end is mellow,
My tip is sharp as a razor.
What am I?