T Nation

Lifting and Parents


#1

idk if this sould go here or gal nut...
for the younger lifters how do your parents act to the whole set up?(lifting and eating good etc)?
im 16 about 17 and my step dad is in total disagreement with this whole thing
he often yells at me for eating foods often like every 3-4 hours not counting dinner which i eat when ever he makes it
he is mad that i spend and hour and a half at the gym 4 times a week he says i should only spend like 45mins (the gym is aboyt 1.5 miles away from my house so it takes a little less then 15 minutes to run there on foot so close to half an hour there and back and he refuses to drive me most times)
e doesnt belive any sources i found from sites and books satesing the whole nutrition set up and even grounded me for a week from the gym when i told him he was being ignorant
i balance work (krogers which is next door to the gym) school and the gym well im even saving up for a car yet he calls me lazy all the time
sadly my moms been sick for years and hes taken full dictatorship over the house


#2

Sounds like there is no talking to him, He seems very unhappy with something, if you are balancing everything there shouldnt be an issue. Does he ask you to do stuff around the house and you can't accomplish it because of work, schooland gym? Just do the best you can and even though it sucks I would just avoid talking to him about anything related to fitness. Do your thing and do your best to get out when you hit 18. Apologies to you and your mom.


#3

i get my chores done ona regualr basis but if i dont do it HIS way hell just tell me to do it again reguardless if the task is complete to its fullest(like dishes even though i cleaned them spotless since i didnt draw a sink of water helll tell me to do it again)
its not jsut fitness either though it everything hes become verbally abuseive to evryone excpet my yougest brother(rarely names but its more phscholgical)
its hard to even get enought food to support thw workouts


#4

I have this problem, too. My mom says I'm eating too many eggs and I'm going to have a heart attack. My dad says I'm going to turn into a fat-ass. Both say I'm stunting my growth by doing squats. Sometimes it feels like to fulfill my overeating requirement I have to sneak every last egg, tuna can, and ounce of cottage cheese I can, which makes me feel like absolute shit.

The problem is that you can't really persuade parents, no matter how hard you try. And making a thread about it here doesn't mean that a professional bodybuilder is going to show up to your house and persuade them for you. The best thing you can do, what I do, is to use the antagonism from my parents as motivation to push forward. I think about it as if my parents want me to stay a 120-pound, skinny-fat weakling, and only I can defeat them and fulfill my fitness goals.

What you could also consider doing is sneaking a trip down to the store for whey protein, white rice, or any cheap food that you could positively use to help you reach your bulking goals without taking too big of a bite out of your parents' food supply. Then hide it well.

Intentionally overeating. Considering parents antagonists. Buying and hiding food. Sometimes I question myself - then I think of being the emaciated 120-pound teen that my parents want me to be, "playing it safe" with 20-pound loads on the bench press, and I push myself forwards with singleness of purpose.


#5

Get big and tell him to fuck off. :smiley: I'm 32 and my fat dad tells me I'm going to get fat eating like I do. I just tell him thanks for the advice and go back to the squat rack.


#6

Results speak louder than words, but they probably still won't care.

Most people embrace ignorance and outright stupidity like a comfortable blanket.

He sounds like a fucking asshole, have you tried hitting him?


#7

Perhaps you have tried this already, but if not it may be worth a shot. For a lot of people, they want recognition. Arguing will be no good, but instead of butting heads with your step dad just say that you recognize that there are serious disagreements among experts about the best plans for nutrition and exercise. That being the case, you can see why he thinks the way he does, but you are trying a different way. If you find out you are wrong because of the results, you will try his suggestions. When he says wacky things about diet and exercise, just smile and nod, then do your own thing anyways. Oh, and move out as soon as you can.

Another route is just to put money on the line. You make a prediction of the results you will get from your diet and exercise plan, he makes a prediction, find clear measures and/or a good judge, and put money on it. If he says you will get fat eating that way and you think you with get jacked, then pick some measures, put the money down and don't waste time arguing about it that could be better spent eating and lifting. I've found most people shut up when you suggest putting money down, and that failure to put money down admits ignorance and bullshitting that you can always call them on when they bring the subject up again ("Oh, you wanna bet now?"). Again, no argument is necessary, you each just have your beliefs and need n0t convince the other of anything, just lay your money down.

In any case, I'm sorry you are not in a more supportive environment and for your mom's illness.


#8

I put up with the same *bullshit. Been told my eating will get me diseased and sick. When I was younger a doctor was informed of my doings and he told me it was un-necessery to lift and that 3 times a week of light CV would be fine.


#9
  1. Be respectful to him. Don't be a turd. You have no idea how much adults have going on. Especially when a significant other is sick.
  2. If he thinks 45 minutes in enough, that is a great starting point. And if you're 16 or 17, you can work out 6 days a week for 45 minutes, and make a lot of progress.
  3. If this is your biggest problem, you're pretty well off. Most teen agers look for things to complain about. There are those who decide to grow a pair and make the most of their opportunities.

#10

It's possible that your dad is a total asshole. That being said, he is your dad and it is both your best interests for you to learn to coexist as peaceably as you can manage. I wasted a LOT of energy in my teens and early 20's butting heads with my dad. I was probably even "right" on a few points (though not nearly as many as I believed at the time), but it didn't matter. It's not a fight you can win, no matter how hard you try. All it can do is add unnecessary conflict to your home.

You said you've got a job, maybe you could use some of your own money for food if that's an issue, and maybe consider a bike as opposed to a car for short term transportation to and from the gym. Continue doing your chores and contributing to the family as much as you are able. Find out how your dad wants stuff done and then do it exactly like that. It really doesn't matter. Save yourself the argument and go train instead.


#11

sir with all do respect i did say that it takes a little over ten minutes to get there
thats 25 minutes gone just going there and back plus i can only go four times a week
thats 20minutes to do anything at the gym and 80 minutes a week
i understand stand that he may have alot going on, but that gives him no right to act like that. on top of all that he can be verbally abusive to both me and my mom to the point that she ends up in tears. We seriously have no place to go and he puts that over our heads. he never acted like this untill two years ago. idk what happened


#12

slit his fucking throat. /thread


#13

go to the police and tell them he has threatened you with physical violence. whether true or not,, you can use that against him. tell him, if you keep bothering me, i will ruin your life, end of story. its time you play hard ball. walk in the police station, talk to an officer, make a report about him. then tell you jerkoff, youve been the police, you are just giving him fair warning, you keep up with this crap, i will have your ass thrown out of here. then see what happens.


#14

he has no right to tell you when and what you can eat. or how long you can spend at the gym. how is this his concern. its none of his freaking business what you do. your not breaking any laws. time to play hard ball.


#15

try and explain to them, thats its been proven many times over with many many controlled studies that eggs do not raise cholesteral. thats been widely proven. don't give them ammunition. by that i mean, don't give them any info for them to get on you about. don't talk about what you do at the gym. how do they know your squatting unless you tell them. don't talk about anything you don't want them coming down on you about.


#16

ummm, hes not his dad. step dad is just a polite way of saying he is his moms boyfriend. hes not his dad in any way.


#17

Why can't you just lie to him and go train?


#18

agreed. tell him you're boozing instead or chasing girls/boys


#19

You're right, I missed the "step" part, my mistake. All the same I don't think that there's a whole lot to be gained from picking a fight with the guy. I'm also not sure that, based on reading a few lines on an internet forum, suggesting a 17 yr old file a bogus police report in an effort to get his step dad to leave his sick mom is really the most responsible thing to do. As mad as people get on here about questionable training advice, it seems odd that this type of shit is OK with everybody.


#20

well he did say the guy is verbally abusive to both him and his mom. thats not a good sign. theres 2 ways to handle this. the bad ass way and threaten him with police action. OR do it the sneaky way. don't ever mention anything about working out or anything gym related. just do what i used to do. nod, agree with everything they say to do. then, go and do what you want anyways.