Lifetime of Alimony Victim

[quote]Derek542 wrote:

[quote]IamMarqaos wrote:

[quote]Derek542 wrote:

[quote]IamMarqaos wrote:
Friend of mine is in the same position. She divorced him when he was making $250K a year. They have a special needs child and she stays home to take care of her…even though the child is high functioning and an adult!
Judge ordered him to pay her $10K a month.

After the economy tanked his salary went down to $88K.

Took 4 years of legal struggles, losing his house, car, savings and health before the judge reduced it to $4k a month.
He essentially rents a room from a friend to survive.

And his ex moved in a boyfriend in the house he once owned. They vacation twice a year from his money…
He barely sees his daughter because he lives far away and to save money he travels by bus or gets a ride.

Murder/suicide waiting to happen.[/quote]
That sucks, he should have spent the money on a better lawyer. [/quote]

Not sure that would have helped PLUS by the time he needed a really good lawyer he was no longer making $250K but about a 1/3 of that AND paying $10K a month in child support. The only way he could have afforded a good attorney was to NOT PAY the child support for a few months. See his dilemma here?[/quote]
? dude you get a lawyer BEFORE you get a divorce decree. They dont just set the amount randomly without you being involved. [/quote]

This guy’s ex-wife had his balls in her hand. He gave her everything she wanted. Even a good lawyer can not do anything if the client just says give it to her.

That story is brutal, but I can’t help but think the guy brought it upon himself, probably by burying his head in the sand and wishing everything just went away.

When I got divorced, I was paying my ex-wife $24K a month in child support and spousal support. Even in my area, which is notoriously pro-woman, as soon as my income went down my lawyer went back to court and support payments were moved down as well.

Child support is ALWAYS negotiable. Spousal support is nearly ALWAYS negotiable. The days of endless spousal support are nearly gone. I was married more than a decade, and paid for 2 years of spousal support. But, you have to communicate immediately to your lawyer that your circumstances have changed, and your own life-style has to change as well. You can’t go in front of a judge asking for reduced child support payments having just gotten back from a ski trip in Gstaad.

Edit: my views are consistent with the laws in my state. Other states may vary.

[quote]dmaddox wrote:

[quote]Derek542 wrote:

[quote]IamMarqaos wrote:

[quote]Derek542 wrote:

[quote]IamMarqaos wrote:
Friend of mine is in the same position. She divorced him when he was making $250K a year. They have a special needs child and she stays home to take care of her…even though the child is high functioning and an adult!
Judge ordered him to pay her $10K a month.

After the economy tanked his salary went down to $88K.

Took 4 years of legal struggles, losing his house, car, savings and health before the judge reduced it to $4k a month.
He essentially rents a room from a friend to survive.

And his ex moved in a boyfriend in the house he once owned. They vacation twice a year from his money…
He barely sees his daughter because he lives far away and to save money he travels by bus or gets a ride.

Murder/suicide waiting to happen.[/quote]
That sucks, he should have spent the money on a better lawyer. [/quote]

Not sure that would have helped PLUS by the time he needed a really good lawyer he was no longer making $250K but about a 1/3 of that AND paying $10K a month in child support. The only way he could have afforded a good attorney was to NOT PAY the child support for a few months. See his dilemma here?[/quote]
? dude you get a lawyer BEFORE you get a divorce decree. They dont just set the amount randomly without you being involved. [/quote]

This guy’s ex-wife had his balls in her hand. He gave her everything she wanted. Even a good lawyer can not do anything if the client just says give it to her.
[/quote]
Well that leads me to think WHY DID she have his balls in her hand?

And like I said above a lot of men dont want to fight for anything up front for various reasons.

[quote]Test Icicle wrote:
When I got divorced, I was paying my ex-wife $24K a month in child support and spousal support. [/quote]

$24K/month?!?!?!?!?!

[quote]Derek542 wrote:

[quote]IamMarqaos wrote:

[quote]Derek542 wrote:

[quote]IamMarqaos wrote:
Friend of mine is in the same position. She divorced him when he was making $250K a year. They have a special needs child and she stays home to take care of her…even though the child is high functioning and an adult!
Judge ordered him to pay her $10K a month.

After the economy tanked his salary went down to $88K.

Took 4 years of legal struggles, losing his house, car, savings and health before the judge reduced it to $4k a month.
He essentially rents a room from a friend to survive.

And his ex moved in a boyfriend in the house he once owned. They vacation twice a year from his money…
He barely sees his daughter because he lives far away and to save money he travels by bus or gets a ride.

Murder/suicide waiting to happen.[/quote]
That sucks, he should have spent the money on a better lawyer. [/quote]

Not sure that would have helped PLUS by the time he needed a really good lawyer he was no longer making $250K but about a 1/3 of that AND paying $10K a month in child support. The only way he could have afforded a good attorney was to NOT PAY the child support for a few months. See his dilemma here?[/quote]
? dude you get a lawyer BEFORE you get a divorce decree. They dont just set the amount randomly without you being involved. [/quote]

Must not have communicated well. He had an attorney before the divorce. For a few years he could pay the 10K a month. Then he lost his income and could no longer pay. By now he could no longer afford an attorney to get the amount reduced…

[quote]Test Icicle wrote:
That story is brutal, but I can’t help but think the guy brought it upon himself, probably by burying his head in the sand and wishing everything just went away.

When I got divorced, I was paying my ex-wife $24K a month in child support and spousal support. Even in my area, which is notoriously pro-woman, as soon as my income went down my lawyer went back to court and support payments were moved down as well.

Child support is ALWAYS negotiable. Spousal support is nearly ALWAYS negotiable. The days of endless spousal support are nearly gone. I was married more than a decade, and paid for 2 years of spousal support. But, you have to communicate immediately to your lawyer that your circumstances have changed, and your own life-style has to change as well. You can’t go in front of a judge asking for reduced child support payments having just gotten back from a ski trip in Gstaad.

Edit: my views are consistent with the laws in my state. Other states may vary.[/quote]
^ This

and lol on the edit, sounded like a commercial in my head

[quote]IamMarqaos wrote:

[quote]Derek542 wrote:

[quote]IamMarqaos wrote:

[quote]Derek542 wrote:

[quote]IamMarqaos wrote:
Friend of mine is in the same position. She divorced him when he was making $250K a year. They have a special needs child and she stays home to take care of her…even though the child is high functioning and an adult!
Judge ordered him to pay her $10K a month.

After the economy tanked his salary went down to $88K.

Took 4 years of legal struggles, losing his house, car, savings and health before the judge reduced it to $4k a month.
He essentially rents a room from a friend to survive.

And his ex moved in a boyfriend in the house he once owned. They vacation twice a year from his money…
He barely sees his daughter because he lives far away and to save money he travels by bus or gets a ride.

Murder/suicide waiting to happen.[/quote]
That sucks, he should have spent the money on a better lawyer. [/quote]

Not sure that would have helped PLUS by the time he needed a really good lawyer he was no longer making $250K but about a 1/3 of that AND paying $10K a month in child support. The only way he could have afforded a good attorney was to NOT PAY the child support for a few months. See his dilemma here?[/quote]
? dude you get a lawyer BEFORE you get a divorce decree. They dont just set the amount randomly without you being involved. [/quote]

Must not have communicated well. He had an attorney before the divorce. For a few years he could pay the 10K a month. Then he lost his income and could no longer pay. By now he could no longer afford and attorney to get the amount reduced…

[/quote]
Gotcha. That makes sense. BUT not judging but like I have said, most guys who are just get the divorce done and give her what she wants are a MAJORITY of the time the reason for the divorce.

[quote]dmaddox wrote:

[quote]Derek542 wrote:

[quote]IamMarqaos wrote:

[quote]Derek542 wrote:

[quote]IamMarqaos wrote:
Friend of mine is in the same position. She divorced him when he was making $250K a year. They have a special needs child and she stays home to take care of her…even though the child is high functioning and an adult!
Judge ordered him to pay her $10K a month.

After the economy tanked his salary went down to $88K.

Took 4 years of legal struggles, losing his house, car, savings and health before the judge reduced it to $4k a month.
He essentially rents a room from a friend to survive.

And his ex moved in a boyfriend in the house he once owned. They vacation twice a year from his money…
He barely sees his daughter because he lives far away and to save money he travels by bus or gets a ride.

Murder/suicide waiting to happen.[/quote]
That sucks, he should have spent the money on a better lawyer. [/quote]

Not sure that would have helped PLUS by the time he needed a really good lawyer he was no longer making $250K but about a 1/3 of that AND paying $10K a month in child support. The only way he could have afforded a good attorney was to NOT PAY the child support for a few months. See his dilemma here?[/quote]
? dude you get a lawyer BEFORE you get a divorce decree. They dont just set the amount randomly without you being involved. [/quote]

This guy’s ex-wife had his balls in her hand. He gave her everything she wanted. Even a good lawyer can not do anything if the client just says give it to her.
[/quote]

You are right on this. He wanted to give her everything she wanted. He thought that the divorce was fault. So he basically just sat there during the proceedings and agreed to whatever amount the opposing counsel asked for. At the time he was making $250K AND it looked like he was going to become a partner at the firm he was working for.

He just wanted to get it over with and keep the peace.

That did not work.

You are quite right Derek, quite right.

[quote]IamMarqaos wrote:

[quote]dmaddox wrote:

[quote]Derek542 wrote:

[quote]IamMarqaos wrote:

[quote]Derek542 wrote:

[quote]IamMarqaos wrote:
Friend of mine is in the same position. She divorced him when he was making $250K a year. They have a special needs child and she stays home to take care of her…even though the child is high functioning and an adult!
Judge ordered him to pay her $10K a month.

After the economy tanked his salary went down to $88K.

Took 4 years of legal struggles, losing his house, car, savings and health before the judge reduced it to $4k a month.
He essentially rents a room from a friend to survive.

And his ex moved in a boyfriend in the house he once owned. They vacation twice a year from his money…
He barely sees his daughter because he lives far away and to save money he travels by bus or gets a ride.

Murder/suicide waiting to happen.[/quote]
That sucks, he should have spent the money on a better lawyer. [/quote]

Not sure that would have helped PLUS by the time he needed a really good lawyer he was no longer making $250K but about a 1/3 of that AND paying $10K a month in child support. The only way he could have afforded a good attorney was to NOT PAY the child support for a few months. See his dilemma here?[/quote]
? dude you get a lawyer BEFORE you get a divorce decree. They dont just set the amount randomly without you being involved. [/quote]

This guy’s ex-wife had his balls in her hand. He gave her everything she wanted. Even a good lawyer can not do anything if the client just says give it to her.
[/quote]

You are right on this. He wanted to give her everything she wanted. He thought that the divorce was fault. So he basically just sat there during the proceedings and agreed to whatever amount the opposing counsel asked for. At the time he was making $250K AND it looked like he was going to become a partner at the firm he was working for.

He just wanted to get it over with and keep the peace.

That did not work.[/quote]

It never works.

You don’t negotiate with terrorists.

I have had two friends with children recently go through divorce.

I told them both PROTECT YOUR SELF.

Do NOT get talked into financially crippling yourself “for the children” because you are still a father and you want to build your own home for your child. The X wants to walk to go ride the white pony of some other guy then you do NOT need to pay for that.

One listened, one did not.

The first now has his child and is getting paid child support

the other one is finalized today and I fear he is going to get ass raped for years.

And for the record BOTH were not at fault for the divorce.

[quote]IamMarqaos wrote:
You are quite right Derek, quite right.

[/quote]
My friend I could write a book on this topic. I have lived the last 19 years dealing with it.

[quote]Test Icicle wrote:

[quote]IamMarqaos wrote:

[quote]dmaddox wrote:

[quote]Derek542 wrote:

[quote]IamMarqaos wrote:

[quote]Derek542 wrote:

[quote]IamMarqaos wrote:
Friend of mine is in the same position. She divorced him when he was making $250K a year. They have a special needs child and she stays home to take care of her…even though the child is high functioning and an adult!
Judge ordered him to pay her $10K a month.

After the economy tanked his salary went down to $88K.

Took 4 years of legal struggles, losing his house, car, savings and health before the judge reduced it to $4k a month.
He essentially rents a room from a friend to survive.

And his ex moved in a boyfriend in the house he once owned. They vacation twice a year from his money…
He barely sees his daughter because he lives far away and to save money he travels by bus or gets a ride.

Murder/suicide waiting to happen.[/quote]
That sucks, he should have spent the money on a better lawyer. [/quote]

Not sure that would have helped PLUS by the time he needed a really good lawyer he was no longer making $250K but about a 1/3 of that AND paying $10K a month in child support. The only way he could have afforded a good attorney was to NOT PAY the child support for a few months. See his dilemma here?[/quote]
? dude you get a lawyer BEFORE you get a divorce decree. They dont just set the amount randomly without you being involved. [/quote]

This guy’s ex-wife had his balls in her hand. He gave her everything she wanted. Even a good lawyer can not do anything if the client just says give it to her.
[/quote]

You are right on this. He wanted to give her everything she wanted. He thought that the divorce was fault. So he basically just sat there during the proceedings and agreed to whatever amount the opposing counsel asked for. At the time he was making $250K AND it looked like he was going to become a partner at the firm he was working for.

He just wanted to get it over with and keep the peace.

That did not work.[/quote]

It never works.

You don’t negotiate with terrorists.
[/quote]
Yea it really is cut throat and war, if you do not have that mentality you are going to be fucked.

That really sucks for those guys.

Lil Story: My girlfriend’s parents got divorced when she was 18. The marriage was already on its way out, story has it that they both knew it, but didn’t want to tell anyone because of the kids. (She has younger siblings who at the time were around 14 and 10.) Anyways, so they both knew that the divorce was inevitable, gf’s father ended up having a fling with one of his coworkers(I’m almost pos it wasn’t the first time) however when gf’s mother found out about this one, she used it to the most of her advantage.

At this point enter in all of the stories about all the weird fucked up shit that happens when people are getting/going through divorce, and hate each other…Racking up thousands $'s of debt on credit cards with no desire to pay them off, taking out huge loans with no desire to pay them off, calling the police for theft of property that was never stolen, using the kids against the other parent, ect…And that’s just the shit her mother did…lol

All that aside gf’s mother, like I said, used every fucking thing she could to get as much money out of him as possible. All the while keeping as much shit as his as possible.

By the time their divorce was finalized, He was responsible for paying a set alimony for x amount of years(i think it was 7) child support until the youngest turned 18 (7 yrs), responsible for all health insurance in the family, responsible for all the kids college tuition, had to move out of the house but had to keep his name on the mortgage, court ordered that the house did not have to go up for sale until the youngest child turned 18, annnnnnnnnnnnnnnd she was allowed to continue to be a stay at home mom. I think in the beginning with alimony and cs together he was paying like 65-75k a year.

One of the worst parts was that go’s mother had no fucking clue how to pay bills or balance a check book. All she knew was being a stay at home mother, going to fucking tea times and spending her husbands money with the other stay at home moms. Over the 7-8 year period the house was put up for foreclosure on 3 separate occasions(2 times he ended up bailing her out(because of the kids), and the 3rd him and her sister ended up bailing her out.

She filled for bankruptcy once, early too…I want to say like year 3. He had to take her to court and she was forced to get a job. When he got remarried, he had to go to court to get her off of his health insurance. She constantly borrowed money from my gf, and on top of all that she managed to piss away an inheritance of over 35k from her mother.

1 year before the youngest turned 18 she was forced to sell the house…she just owed to much money and the bank wouldn’t have any of it anymore. So she sells the house and gets half of what the didn’t owe. Goes and rents an apartment with her 2 kids, and some fucking how manages (in a year mind you) to piss away the money she got from selling the house AND the rest of his alimony/cs, and whatever money she earned by working. By the time the lease was up in the apt she was completely broke.

I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried. And that’s just a quick summary, I didn’t even get into the nitty gritty of this mass amount of BS. One time, early in the divorce when my gf was living with her while working and going to school. She forced my gf to give her (I was told it was 1k but I always had an inkling that it was more) so that she could “pay the mortgage” because “If you didn’t live here I’d have the money”.

I remember one time I heard her bragging at a family party about how she was gonna ride the gravy train all the way. Lol she definitely did, but unfortunately for her there wasn’t another one to jump onto. Now she’s walking in the desert with her thumb out hoping to hitch a ride.

[quote]Derek542 wrote:
I have had two friends with children recently go through divorce.

I told them both PROTECT YOUR SELF.

Do NOT get talked into financially crippling yourself “for the children” because you are still a father and you want to build your own home for your child. The X wants to walk to go ride the white pony of some other guy then you do NOT need to pay for that.

One listened, one did not.

The first now has his child and is getting paid child support

the other one is finalized today and I fear he is going to get ass raped for years.

And for the record BOTH were not at fault for the divorce. [/quote]

Men are stupid in matters of divorce. They let guilt and shame cloud what is a BUSINESS decision. When they cripple themselves financially in the divorce settlement, it only hurts their ability to continue to provide for the kids down the road. The goal should be to give as little as possible. Then, if the kids want to go to horseback riding camp for a week one summer, the two parents can sit down and figure out where the money should come from.

[quote]Test Icicle wrote:

[quote]Derek542 wrote:
I have had two friends with children recently go through divorce.

I told them both PROTECT YOUR SELF.

Do NOT get talked into financially crippling yourself “for the children” because you are still a father and you want to build your own home for your child. The X wants to walk to go ride the white pony of some other guy then you do NOT need to pay for that.

One listened, one did not.

The first now has his child and is getting paid child support

the other one is finalized today and I fear he is going to get ass raped for years.

And for the record BOTH were not at fault for the divorce. [/quote]

Men are stupid in matters of divorce. They let guilt and shame cloud what is a BUSINESS decision. When they cripple themselves financially in the divorce settlement, it only hurts their ability to continue to provide for the kids down the road. The goal should be to give as little as possible. Then, if the kids want to go to horseback riding camp for a week one summer, the two parents can sit down and figure out where the money should come from. [/quote]
Yep exactly.

I can’t imagine if there are kids involved that they would be okay with something like this unless they literally hated their father. I wouldn’t be able to put up with my mother living the dream whilst bankrupting my dad.

[quote]csulli wrote:
I can’t imagine if there are kids involved that they would be okay with something like this unless they literally hated their father. I wouldn’t be able to put up with my mother living the dream whilst bankrupting my dad.[/quote]
When children become teens they want only for themselves, if mom is going to give them everything they will go with mom. Or vice versa

Csulli you may be the anomaly but most teens are self centered, egotistical little black holes of financial and emotional suckatud

[quote]Derek542 wrote:

[quote]csulli wrote:
I can’t imagine if there are kids involved that they would be okay with something like this unless they literally hated their father. I wouldn’t be able to put up with my mother living the dream whilst bankrupting my dad.[/quote]
When children become teens they want only for themselves, if mom is going to give them everything they will go with mom. Or vice versa

Csulli you may be the anomaly but most teens are self centered, egotistical little black holes of financial and emotional suckatud [/quote]
Yeah that makes sense.

[quote]Derek542 wrote:

[quote]csulli wrote:
I can’t imagine if there are kids involved that they would be okay with something like this unless they literally hated their father. I wouldn’t be able to put up with my mother living the dream whilst bankrupting my dad.[/quote]
When children become teens they want only for themselves, if mom is going to give them everything they will go with mom. Or vice versa

Csulli you may be the anomaly but most teens are self centered, egotistical little black holes of financial and emotional suckatud [/quote]

AND easily manipulated. You wouldn’t believe how much of an effect a mother breaking down, crying on the kitchen floor will have on a teenage boy. Regardless of who’s right, at that age the instinct is still to fix the problem, however with lack of maturity, life experience, and intelligence. If Dad’s doing this to Mom because mom said he was, then Dad’s a piece of shit. NO ifs ands or buts.