T Nation

Lifestyle-Change Implications


#1

I dont know about you, but now I've leaped over to the T-Man way of life, I've noticed a lot of people dont want to 'hang out' with me anymore. I dont know why this is. I'm more confident, I look a bit better, I'm much more relaxed... Yet most of my 'friends' now think I'm a whacko.

After reading The Hollow Men, a few other articles and Shugs' Web Log, I sat down and realised how many hollow men and how many sheeple there are in the world.. and scarily, how they all seem to be situated around me!

This has kind of put me in an uncomfortable situation. Right now I only know two people that arent sheeple or hollow men... and they barely have the same interests as me. Now dont get me wrong, I dont want it to sound like I'm really complaining here.. I wouldnt want to go back to who I was before.. but a hell of a lot of things have changed in the last month or two, and its very hard to find someone else on my wave length

I was wondering if you guys have had a similar thing happen when you "became a T-Man", for the use of a better phrase. How friends and family reacted, things you noticed about other people when you became more confident and more of a 'threat' to other males etc.


#2

Are you acting like a jerk to them lately?


#3

Not at all.

They keep asking me what the point of going down town is if I'm not going to get hammered, and that I'm not being 'one of the lads' anymore, IE I wont go out and get drunk three times a week - and it's just sort of making me drift away.

I also think they're getting jealous that I'm getting checked out more, and having more luck with the ladies now, rather than them. The two or three remaining good friends from my circle have said that to me, it's not just my ego saying this.

Maybe I attract dick heads or something. I dont know. Maybe they dont like the fact I have a backbone now :confused:


#4

If you've changed your lifestyle to a healthier one (that's really what the "T" thing is about to me) then it's very reasonable for people with unhealthy lifestyles to feel alienated. If you used to drink a lot, dabble in recreational drugs, smoke, stay up late at night, have your social activities focused around eating poor food choices or just generally be lazy... Would you really expect those that participated in this to support your decision? I have no idea what your behaviours were before or what it is that's causing people around you to be uncomfortable, but these are possibilities.

Also, most recent "converts" to anything tend to be radical. Think about zealous born-again types, MLM schemers, fad diet followers and Scientology spokespeople. Examine your own attitudes and see if perhaps you've been pushy, rude or insensitive to other's feelings.

Or, it could just be the guilt these people feel from knowing that you're doing something good and they, for whatever reason, aren't. Most people are like crabs, pulling eachother back down into the bucket instead of working together to get out.


#5

Welcome! You've done a very good thing for yourself. I haven't had that problem at all. I will say this-if all you're talking about is antagonist muscle pairings and P + C and P + F meals to people who could give a shit about them, I could see that getting real old, real fast.


#6

As a new convert, excited about the changes you have gone through, are you maybe pushing this stuff on them a little bit? Maybe "preaching" the glories of T-Life?

Granted, there will always be jealous Hollow-Men, but some people will be OK with your change as long as you don't push it in their face.

Sometimes the best influence is quiet confidence.

It's possible you're not talking about anything else, and they're getting tired of hearing about all the great T-Stuff in your life.


#7

Maybe they aren't jealous or whatever, they just don't have as much stuff to do with you anymore. Although you don't notice it, you isolate yourself from the group when you refuse to eat or drink with them. Face it: They don't have an eating disorder, you do. Anyone that cycles carbs or eats PC or PF meals has an eating disorder, to the point of being anorexic.

Anorexic is not being too skinny, it's an overpowering fear of fat gain. We (BB) all have it, and no matter what you tell yourself, you AREN'T eating normally. You may be eating healthily or in a manner designed to emphasize your longetivity and aesthetics, but you most definitely are not eating normally.

Don't say "I eat all the time I'm bulking right now im not anorexic." Anorexic has nothing to do with weight gain or loss, it has to do with the mental state that exists within your mind. If you were a PL, you might have some room to talk here. Unfortunately...


#8

The point of going downtown is to spend time with them, and if you can laugh and joke and raise hell without getting wasted and blowing $40 on a bar tab then I don't really see what the problem is. Maybe if you put it to them that way they would wise up and see it from your perspective.

Something I see as very important is not dangling your lifestyle in front of their faces. You're doing something they aren't. Fine. They're doing something you aren't. Also fine, as long as you treat it that way and don't take a holier-than-thou attitude. (By the way, I'm not saying you are.) Also remember that just because they like to get drunk doesn't make them "hollow men" or "sheeple" or whatever. They may just have passions that are different than yours.


#9

Thats thing thing though - I go down with them but I dont get hammered.. yet they get really pissed off cause I dont want to drink myself under the table and say 'I ruin the night for being boring'.

I dunno.. maybe I am a bit zealish about this.. As no one else seems to have had this problem I guess I'll have to think about it more.

Nevermind.


#10

or?der?ly
?rdr-l)
adj.

1.
a. Free from disorder; neat: an orderly room.
b. Having a systematic arrangement: an orderly universe.
2. Marked by or adhering to method or system: orderly in the upkeep of his rooms.
3. Devoid of violence or disruption; peaceful: an orderly transition of governments.

I hate to place a literal definition on "eating disorder" but I can apply each of these definitions to my diet. Yes, even "peaceful".

What isn't peaceful are my bowel movements when I am off of the said anorectic behavior.


#11

I can definitely relate to what you're going through. I used to party a lot and had what seems like a similar group of friends. I've been taking my training seriously for the past year; I'm about to start my second year of college. My high school friends make more of a big deal of my lifestyle than I do. They make comments about the way I choose to live my life, when I purposely try to down play everything. It's a tough situation, I go out to parties and bars with my friends, and act like I did when i did party. However, they can't get around the fact that I'm not shit-faced. I do understand where they're coming from and it's just something you'll have to learn to deal with. As time passes, they will become more comfortable with the "new" you. Hang in there; Keep throwin' the metal around.


#12

I don't know about that. I don't think most bodybuilders have an overpowering fear of fat gain. The successful ones don't-or they would never accept the fat gains that come along with bulking (however minimal they be able to keep them). And they would never grow. Most accept them as a necessary evil and when it comes time to lean out they do what's necessary to do so. Not every one absolutely separates carbs and fat in EVERY single meal though they most likely do 95% of the time. Regardless, it does not preclude going out in a group and eating "normally" unless you make an issue of it. No one really notices nor cares what you're eating. I've gone out with a group plenty of times and eaten P + F or P + C meals. I'll order a steak at a restaurant. I'll eat the steak and veggies and leave the potato or take a few bites. A great P + F meal. I don?t say anything about it. There's no reason to. No one cares nor notices. Except my girlfriend who knows how I eat and could care less. Lifestyle choices need only become as alienating as you allow them to be.


#13

We are not all anorexic. A person with anorexia severely limits food intake, has a distorted body image, refuses to maintain a normal body weight, and is intensely afraid of gaining weight, despite being very underweight.

Wanting to gain lean mass is not anorexia nervosa.

Having a dietary plan is not equivalent to being anorexic. Plenty of endurance athletes eat to maximize performance-- I eat to maximize my body composition goals. Not a disorder. I have a goal, I posess the information and tools I need to achieve that goal, and I follow it to success.

Also I am a little confused as to your last statement. Are you implying that no powerlifters have dietary plans or body composition goals? I have been competitive in powerlifting at sub 10% bodyfat levels, and one of my good friends recently dieted down from the 181lb weight class to the 165lb weight class and broke the national Bench record.


#14

Well, it seems like it's individual to your particular groups of friends. I still drink sometimes but not as often as a lot of my friends. And I probably don't get near as wasted when I do. But we still have a blast together. Alternatively, maybe you are being boring. Maybe you're spending the night looking at them morosely or with a disapproving stare.


#15

I don't remember anyone explicitly saying they haven't had this problem. I believe they are just offering possible causes and solutions.

What did you want to hear?


#16

Well can you have a good time without drinking or are you moping around worrying about catabolism.

I used to get drunk all the time. 2-3 times a week, and not just a few drinks either. I'm talking heavy, puke-and-rally, blackout-halfway-through-the-night-and-do-things-that-make-you-cringe, still drunk at noontime the next day, drinking.

So when I all but quit drinking, this was quite the shock to my friends and I got a lot of "I remember when you used to get drunk and _____" but then that quickly faded when everyone realized I still did all the same things sober that I did when I was intoxicated, save for vomiting in inappropriate places.


#17

Wrong. You skipped right past what I defined anorexia (as do many dictionaries) as: an overwhelming fear of weight gain, which in these instances I think can be said to be fat gain. Anorexics, I repeat, are not always underweight. Many of us are anorexics, and we don't look terribly skinny, but we are concerned about what we eat in regards to fat gain. I'm not saying that "anorexic" or "eating disorder" are necessarily negative terms, people put a negative connotation on it, it's just that most athletes concerned with body comp have surpassed the "eat to live" mantra.

And the PL thing was a joke.


#18

The clinical definition of anorexia is not simply an excessive fear of fat gain. It requires being under a healthy bodyweight by a certain percentage as well as certain behaviors. Regardless, do you really think bodybuilders and athletes have a 'fear' of fat gain? I do not. Rather, we take the proper steps to control it when it is not conducive to our goals.


#19

Oh I see. This is a journey only you can take bro. Let 'em boil... they will be around if they are true friends. If you not drinking causes them to not hang with you, then you are just a drinking partner to them and not a true friend.


#20

Good point.