T Nation

Life's Handicap?


#1

I noticed that alot of the guys i know in their late 20's and early 30's live with their parents. Some go to school but i swear their schooling is only done to postpone responsibility of life and milk their parents. I see this more and more. Kids moving back in with their parents etc etc...

If you're a man and you're close to 30 and still have your parents cover your bills and don;t work you are a looser and a punk. You will most likely amount to nothing in life as it is already to late to get your act together.

But i can't leave this without also asking the parents as to why they enable the looserdom? Don't they realize they are raising a life's Handicap? A person who will never get their shit together and make mooching a lifestyle.


#2

I can't speak from experience, but I guess some parents just can't kick their children out or never push them to be independant, because they cant make a distinction between parent and the person who just gives hand out after hand out.

It might sound like a strange analogy but it's like some people just can't teach their dogs obidience because they find it difficult to be strict on them.

But ya I know what you mean. But that's just the way it is...these people will always exist.


#3

But what gets me is where is the Ambition to be self sufficient? How can a man not have ambition? I would feel like such a looser. 30 years old and balding and i'd have to tell people, "yeah, i live with my parents"

My brother and sister in Law, do this exact thing. They are pursuing phd's for the sake of staying in school and partying. Pushing through in classes, allergic to work and effort. I worry what will become of them as they are family now. My sister in law, worked for one week and quit and immediately went back to school. Same with her brother. And the parents just don't see it.

It certainly opened my eyes that people with PHD's can get pushed through classes and fake their way to their degree.


#4

I agree. I work full-time in Advertising and i was only 21 when i started my "career".

Life is definitely been harder/ more responsibilities.


#5

I am turning 23 soon...so im still a newbie in the work force.


#6

I know this douche-bag whose 27 , no job , gets in regular trouble with law enforcement , lives in his parent's basement , and has 5 kids that he pays no support for.

6 on the way

LAZY


#7

IT'S LOSER! Not looser!

Loser means something like: "Dude, you still live in your parent's basement? You're a loser man!

Looser means something like: "Baby... did your pussy become looser since last weekend when you had a date with your long-forgotten friend Tyrone?"


#8

Lol.

I haven't lived with my parents since I was 19. (And lived out of random people's houses for 18 months when I was 16. )

After being at school, I couldn't do it anymore. We're just not that compatible.


#9

I think it's a combination of a couple factors. Parents these days seem to be unwilling to let kids forge their own way, they feel that the kids will never be ready for what the world is going to throw at them.

On the other end, some people seem to, for whatever reason, be satisfied with living off of the work of another and skating by through life with no ambition. Excessively coddling parents who show no tough love are likely to raise that mindset and then you have the perfect storm of lazy...

On the other hand, my parents have told me straight up that after my undergrad I'm on my own and will not be allowed to move back in under any circumstances...a position I'm quite happy with. It's forced me to look ahead and go for my personal trainer certification so as to have some way of getting by financially during med school.


#10

Were you addressing me? I know the difference. I miss spelled. Sorry. But this is akin to making fun of someone because of how they talk as opposed to what they're saying.


#11

My old neighbor, we will call him Ed. He was a decent guy, his parents were pretty weird, and by weird I mean you would probably consider them bonkers. I grew up two houses down from him, along w/ a group of other kids, some moved away, a couple stayed, but we had pretty good games of manhunt/full team baseball/and other good shit which I am proud of. I knew this guy from the ages of younger than I can remember to 21.

Ed was a pretty good athlete, he could have been something at a high school/perhaps even collegiate level. He was one of the best when we played hockey, baseball, and even rollerblading. He even got his dad to buy him some weight training equipment and started working out. The kid was just good at everything he tried.

Ed ended up stealing shit, skipping high school, and ended up in juvenille detention for a bit. He said he went to Summer camp, but I saw his certificate on his refrigerator so his story was blown. He never finished high school, and I continued to stop over for a bit when I came home from college, but I haven't talked to him lately.

It's a shame because we used to be good friends, despite the weirdness of my parent's didn't approve of his parents. I see Ed occasionally now when I go home, he is albino due to spending probably week's inside on the computer w/o a hint of sunlight.

He will occasionally come outside w/ his belly hanging out, terrible because he was in pretty good shape, donning spandex and strap a road bike to his parents car, and have his parents drive him somewhere to ride; He never even got his driver's license. Other than that, he got real into computers, which he could use for one of a million jobs now, but I don't think he does shit.

Now we have a athletic, smart, good looking (no gay) individual, that now is 27-28, living at home w/ his parents w/ a lard ass belly and who rarely leaves the house. Every other kid on that block, is now doing something, in school/working/on their own. I attribute the fact solely to his home life and lack of discipline/idiocy of his parents. Its tragic.


#12

I moved out at 18 and never returned.

My brother didn't leave until he was 29.


#13

While I can't find TOO MUCH fault in someone who chooses to live at home while pursuing advanced degrees (if money is a concern, it's a better decision than an apartment), I do agree that there comes a point (as stated: late 20's to early 30's) where the individual has to ask themselves, "I am well into adulthood, now - what am I doing to contribute to my family's situation?"

If still in school, I can see a reason for doing so. If not, it's definitely odd. What would make such an individual a loser, in my opinion, is if they continue to live in the house under the same circumstances as if they were teenagers. Pay rent, or at the very least contribute money to the family's expenses... as well as your own (school, cell phone, insurance, etc.).

That being said, I can respect people who strike out on their own as soon as they turn 18, but I don't think that that, in and of itself, makes one immune to being a loser.


#14

agreed

the dude whom I referenced has been spared jail time several times due to his MOTHER paying enough of his support arrearage to keep him out .

your parents are very wise


#15

Ditto both of you. Very intelligent answers.

Something that does surprise me are college students who don't work at all, not even during summer break. I know a man who is 19 or 20 now, and is finishing up his undergrad. He lived in the dorms at school and at his parents home in the summer.

However, his parents would send him $125 a week via PayPal during the semester for gas, his cell phone, etc. He was on his parents car insurance, they paid for it. He blew most of the money on junk food. His parents weren't rich--his mother had to get a minimum-wage job, and most of paycheck went to him.

During the summer, he usually sat at home all day eating.

Also, I know a woman who just turned 41. No friends, never had a boyfriend, etc, and she can't understand why. Here is her situation, however. She lived with her parents until she was 38. She's been an undergrad working towards a 4-year-degree every year since she was 18. Not joking. She constantly, obsessively changes majors and schools, not to mention she fails about 50% of her classes.

When her parents finally kicked her out, they still paid for everyone single expense she had, including rent. Finally, when she turned 40, they said they were going to get touch and only pay her rent, that she had to pay everything else.

She is constantly in tears, talking about how hard her life is, and that she can't get a job. The last job she managed to get paid $400 a week. She spent eight hours a day washing dishes by hand. That's it. She didn't have to wear any special clothes, she didn't have to come in early, she could listen to an mp3 player or bring in a small TV while working--the most easy, mindless job in the world.

She complained that it was too difficult, that she had to sort the dishes into specific locations in the kitchen after finishing and that they gave her a 5-page manual to memorize that would teach her where to put things, what do in the event that she broke a plate, etc.

She worked a week and then quit. She will be doing another semester this fall. She still have no degree. Her parents still pay for most of her things. She still complains about not having a job.


#16

I moved out when I was 19 but I still get help from my parents. Thankfully they bought me a car when I got my license and pay my insurance, if they didn't do that I'd be fucked. I make sure I go mow their lawn/edge every week to say thanks. I just felt it was really important for me to get out on my own sooner rather than later.


#17

Whenever someone mixes the two words up, I shake my head, like: "I can't believe this shit." THE WORDS DON'T EVEN SOUND THE SAME. How stupid do you have to be to fuck this up?

groans


#18

rofl... I thought the same thing...


#19

Haha, glad to see someone decided to point that one out.

I guess it all comes down to whether or not continuing to live at home is part of a calculated move with realistic goals (or, the result of an unfortunate circumstance) or simply the byproduct of a lazy, unambitious, or completely unrealistic outlook towards life. That, plus the manner in which the individual goes about it - basically, whether or not it is seen as a necessary (or more sensible) stepping stone or, simply, a free ride.

Granted, the OP's original gripe was specifically towards the latter, but it's still appropriate to mention the other side of the coin.


#20

I think high house and rent prices play into difficulty of being a first time buyer, its not uncommon for couples to live with one of their parents these days. Its a bizarre mixture of protectionism on the part of the parents and idleness on the part of the kids. Im currently in south korea and here its not uncommon for an entire family to reside together Child father and wife, his parents and grandparents.