Life With a Military Wife?

TrainerinDC is right too. I have heard of these “ping-pong” like games. The case he discuss is a mild one. The one he describe is similar to a “*itch like female”. Its common.

I’ve heard of a similar situation x10, IE all the other guys where doing it.

And the deal is this. They barely “be boys” with each other, now you, the outsider, the leper accountant. You going to be *hit out of luck.

Now if your wife is unattractive groseely overweight, your odds are better, if your wife is very attractive with a good physique, you are going to have a hard time.

Better learn how to fight well, and figure out how to make a couple of allies.

[quote]TrainerinDC wrote:
This is true story that happened to my client. She is a Naval Officer, her husband is an officer as well. They were both deployed, separately. We all know what happens with the ratios and the guys, this is a given. She was harassed by some other guy on the ship, calling her, calling her husband and saying that they had hooked up while he was deployed, on and on. He eventually wrote a letter to her husband trying to tell him all of this. My client said, and I beleive her, that she did nothing with anybody at all. This has had quite a toll on her and her husband.

The other military guy(s) did this to her husband, and he is military. I would be very hesitant to see how they would act towards you. Not trying to scare you off or preach. Personally, If it were me, I wouldn’t do it. [/quote]

Great, I was just starting to feel a little bit better about this and now I read this! Damn it!

But thanks for the reply.

[quote]djrobins wrote:
TrainerinDC is right too. I have heard of these “ping-pong” like games. The case he discuss is a mild one. The one he describe is similar to a “*itch like female”. Its common.

I’ve heard of a similar situation x10, IE all the other guys where doing it.

And the deal is this. They barely “be boys” with each other, now you, the outsider, the leper accountant. You going to be *hit out of luck.

Now if your wife is unattractive groseely overweight, your odds are better, if your wife is very attractive with a good physique, you are going to have a hard time.

Better learn how to fight well, and figure out how to make a couple of allies.[/quote]

Well, that’s just freakin’ great.

I currently work on an AF base and am a former AF officer. In order to answer your question, I’d need additional information:

What’s her rank/grade and career field?

How many years of service does she already have and how many does she want to go back for?

What bases/locations does she expect to be assigned to over the course of her AF career?

What career are you in or want to pursue? Would you consider transitioning to a Federal Government Civilian career field?

Ultimately, it’s up to the two of you to make things work. In one scenario, if you obtained a Government civilian job, when your wife is reassigned (PCS’d) to a new location, I’m pretty sure that you would be given preferential treatment for civilian positions at that new location. Nobody gets rich on a government salary, but you can certainly do well.

Sometimes life throws you an unexpected curve that turns out to be a good opportunity. I’ve known military members that got an unexpected/undesired assignment that they later considered the best assignment (or one of the best).

On the flip side, the nature of the current world situation is that every military person is doing at least some time in Iraq/Afganistan/other hot spot. Even the non-operational career fields serve 6-12 months every 4-5 years. Is your marriage strong enough to endure such a separation? And if the two of you decide to have children, are you willing to be a single parent for a period of time?

TrainerinDC is right too. I have heard of these “ping-pong” like games. The case he discuss is a mild one. The one he describe is similar to a “*itch like female”. Its common.

I’ve heard of a similar situation x10, IE all the other guys where doing it.

And the deal is this. They barely “be boys” with each other, now you, the outsider, the leper accountant. You going to be *hit out of luck.

Now if your wife is unattractive groseely overweight, your odds are better, if your wife is very attractive with a good physique, you are going to have a hard time.

Better learn how to fight well, and figure out how to make a couple of allies.

[quote]Midwest_Man wrote:
I currently work on an AF base and am a former AF officer. In order to answer your question, I’d need additional information:

What’s her rank/grade and career field?

How many years of service does she already have and how many does she want to go back for?

What bases/locations does she expect to be assigned to over the course of her AF career?

What career are you in or want to pursue? Would you consider transitioning to a Federal Government Civilian career field?

Ultimately, it’s up to the two of you to make things work. In one scenario, if you obtained a Government civilian job, when your wife is reassigned (PCS’d) to a new location, I’m pretty sure that you would be given preferential treatment for civilian positions at that new location. Nobody gets rich on a government salary, but you can certainly do well.

Sometimes life throws you an unexpected curve that turns out to be a good opportunity. I’ve known military members that got an unexpected/undesired assignment that they later considered the best assignment (or one of the best).

On the flip side, the nature of the current world situation is that every military person is doing at least some time in Iraq/Afganistan/other hot spot. Even the non-operational career fields serve 6-12 months every 4-5 years. Is your marriage strong enough to endure such a separation? And if the two of you decide to have children, are you willing to be a single parent for a period of time?[/quote]

Well, I believe she was a senior airmen when she left. Don’t quote me on that though. She worked in dispatch while she was in.

She did 4 years, including 6 months in Iraq. If she were to go back in she was talking about 4-6 years.

Well, she knows a lot of people and going back in depends on where we could get stationed. If we could get to Japan, Germany, Hawaii, Guam or somewhere really nice in the states I think we would do it. Now I don’t know how all that works with how you get stationed where. But she is leading me to believe that if you know the right people that you can get to where you want to go. Which is just like civilian life. It’s not always what you know, but who you know.

Um, as far as my career field, I work with computers right now and could still do that somewhere else I guess. I would love to go back to school and could do that also. I wouldn’t mind transitioning to a Gov. Civilian career field. I’m pretty much open to anything.

Ultimately, I don’t know if I could have her join again for fear that she does have to go back to Iraq or some place else. Honestly, I don’t think I could handle being away from her for very long. Nor would I want to.

We are giving ourselves lots of time to think this through. We wouldn’t decide until after our one year anniversary. So, we’ve got plenty of time to think about this.

Thanks for the reply.

Don’t let any of these yahoos scare you. Everyone has a story. If your wife is trustworthy, then she is trustworthy no matter where she goes. The only real negative to the situation is the deployments and the long hours she may work while in garrison.

As for getting stationed somewhere; put a stipulation with the recruiter/retention officer that you want to be stationed at a certain base or you will not reenlist. They can get it done.

Why is she interested in going back in?

I’m in the service, in the Air Guard here in NY, if she wants to go back in to finish out her career she could always join the guard/reserves and try to get a full-time position on the base, for you that might be the best option…guard life and active duty life are completely different…

btw, AF deployments typically are 90-120 days with Air Guard/Air Reserve typically no more than 90 - depending on the career field.

If she is really set on going back in, I would discuss with her the possibilities of joining the reserves/guard.

As far as your main concern - were you dating her while she was still on active duty? if so, was it weird for you being a civilian dating a military woman? I wouldn’t worry too much about how you think you would fare on a military installation being a male civilian, eventually you’ll realize that in the Air Force military life is pretty much like regular life except you see people in camo uniforms all-day :wink:

Good luck

[quote]dre wrote:

And that right there is my number 1 problem with this whole idea. It’s not that I don’t trust her, because I do. I just hate the idea of being away from her. Especially for up to 6 months at a time. She would be on deployments but she said they would rarely last more than 4 months. I don’t think I would like her to be gone for 1 week, let alone 4 months or more!!!

[/quote]

Shit… One slightly longer-married guy to another:

Wait a couple of years; you’ll be driving her to the recruiter’s office and pushing her out of the car!

[quote]dre wrote:
hedo wrote:
Being the spouse of someone in the service is tough for a man or a woman.

If possible I would try to avoid putting your relationship in that position, especially if you are a younger couple.

I am 28 and she is 25.

[/quote]

Older then we were. Tough but not impossible.

Good luck but if you have other options I’d look at them too.

Um… Don’t do it. :wink:

in Aus it is believed that there is only one reason women join the armed forces. Even if your wife is cool there is going to be alot of effort spent chasing your wife. Especially during deployment. Sexual harrasment is rampant. 4 year contracts. Worst comes to worse you could be living near to everyone elses wife during deployment grin

We all have our scare stories, many of them backed by facts with a high reoccurence, is not to say your love will not endure it. We are pointing out, that this lifestyle is one of the most stressing against a monogamous relationship. I’m sure we can start a thread of people who started out like you and ended up making sure those life insurance papers where in tact.

[quote]ybthere1 wrote:
Don’t let any of these yahoos scare you. Everyone has a story. If your wife is trustworthy, then she is trustworthy no matter where she goes. The only real negative to the situation is the deployments and the long hours she may work while in garrison.

As for getting stationed somewhere; put a stipulation with the recruiter/retention officer that you want to be stationed at a certain base or you will not reenlist. They can get it done.[/quote]

We talked about this a little more last night and we’ve decided that the only way she would go back in is if she could get an overseas deployment. That way we wouldn’t have to worry about her being deployed.

So, she is going to talk to the recruiter and see what’s up.

[quote]brian_valentin wrote:
Why is she interested in going back in?

I’m in the service, in the Air Guard here in NY, if she wants to go back in to finish out her career she could always join the guard/reserves and try to get a full-time position on the base, for you that might be the best option…guard life and active duty life are completely different…

btw, AF deployments typically are 90-120 days with Air Guard/Air Reserve typically no more than 90 - depending on the career field.

If she is really set on going back in, I would discuss with her the possibilities of joining the reserves/guard.

As far as your main concern - were you dating her while she was still on active duty? if so, was it weird for you being a civilian dating a military woman? I wouldn’t worry too much about how you think you would fare on a military installation being a male civilian, eventually you’ll realize that in the Air Force military life is pretty much like regular life except you see people in camo uniforms all-day :wink:

Good luck[/quote]

She’s interested in going back in for several reasons. She actually liked it while she was in. She liked the steady paycheck, the health benefits, the possibility of being retired by 40, the traveling and the feeling of pride that she had serving her country.

Yeah, I don’t know about her joining the reserve. I think this is an all or nothing type thing.

Nope, I wasn’t dating her while she was in so I have no idea what it would be like being a civilian around military life. But like you said, the Air Force seems to be the most civilian like branch of the military.

Thanks for the reply.

[quote]Digital Chainsaw wrote:
Shit… One slightly longer-married guy to another:

Wait a couple of years; you’ll be driving her to the recruiter’s office and pushing her out of the car!
[/quote]

LOL, now that’s some funny sh*t right there!

[quote]hedo wrote:
Older then we were. Tough but not impossible.

Good luck but if you have other options I’d look at them too.[/quote]

Thanks. We are pretty much exploring every option we can think of.

The most difficult part about life as a military spouse is the deployments. For a while here are Shaw AFB, most folks were averaging about 6 months out of the year TDY. Granted, most of the TDYs were rarely longer than 3 months at a time, but it still adds up when you are doing several per year.

It is the separation that can play havoc on a marriage. If your relationship is strong enough to handle that, then the Air Force can be a rewarding career.

Almost all of my friends are military. Two of my brothers are military. My Dad was military.

My Mom and Dad made it through 20+ years of married life in the military. They suffered through remote tours, long TDYs, and one war. Two of our good friends got married right of High School. He joined the Air Force. Nineteen years later they are still going strong.

If you are willing to work on your relationship throughout your marriage, then there is no reason not to consider supporting her in this career choice.

The military will put a strain on any marriage. It takes a lot of hard work to make a successful marriage. Being a military spouse will place some rather unique demands on your relationship. If the two of you remain honest with each other and keep the lines of communication open, there is no reason why you cannot have a great marriage and great military career.

It isn’t the job that destroys marriages. It is the choices people make.

[quote]dre wrote:
Well, I believe she was a senior airmen when she left. Don’t quote me on that though. She worked in dispatch while she was in.

She did 4 years, including 6 months in Iraq. If she were to go back in she was talking about 4-6 years.

Well, she knows a lot of people and going back in depends on where we could get stationed. If we could get to Japan, Germany, Hawaii, Guam or somewhere really nice in the states I think we would do it. Now I don’t know how all that works with how you get stationed where. But she is leading me to believe that if you know the right people that you can get to where you want to go. Which is just like civilian life. It’s not always what you know, but who you know.

Um, as far as my career field, I work with computers right now and could still do that somewhere else I guess. I would love to go back to school and could do that also. I wouldn’t mind transitioning to a Gov. Civilian career field. I’m pretty much open to anything.

Ultimately, I don’t know if I could have her join again for fear that she does have to go back to Iraq or some place else. Honestly, I don’t think I could handle being away from her for very long. Nor would I want to.

We are giving ourselves lots of time to think this through. We wouldn’t decide until after our one year anniversary. So, we’ve got plenty of time to think about this.

Thanks for the reply.
[/quote]

A Senior Airman with 4 years experience in dispatch, huh? I’m not as familiar with the enlisted careers, but it sounds like someone in dispatch could be assigned ANYWHERE. If one of the other posters is correct and she can negotiate her first assignment as part of re-enlisting and/or your wife is right that her connections can get her a by-name request assignment, then you two can live someplace that most people never get to experience. That’s worth something.

I’m not sure why someone would want to go back into the military for 4-6 years, resulting in a total of 8-10 years. I originally joined the AF because they paid for college (ROTC) and thought I’d pay back my 4 years and then get out to make some serious money. But they kept offering special assignments that took me to 9 years with a 4-year commitment (to pay back for sending me to get my Masters degree). When I thought I was committed for 13 years I decided I might as well go 20 years to earn the pension. The military pension is one of the few quality pensions left. However, in my case the AF was looking to downsize at my 9-year point and offered an early-out payment that was too good to pass up (and waived my 4-year commitment). The AF was very good to me. My point is: think strategically - what will 4-6 more years in the AF accomplish for her? Will it allow her to put enough money into a GI Bill (or whatever they call it today) to be able to attend college and start a new career or what?

As for your career, computer skills are needed everywhere. Every AF base has a Communications Group/Squadron that manages the computer networks. It’s been my experience (in the US) that most of the computer support is contracted out. So if you work on the base, you may end up working for a DoD contractor and may have to change employers when your wife is PCS’d to another location.

A lot of bases, if not all of them, have multiple college choices on the base - usually extensions of accredited colleges/universities (Park University, Central Michigan, etc.). So both of you could work on a college degree part-time. The programs are designed for people that have a full-time job and are usually very reasonably priced. Maybe the two of you look at the 4-6 years as an opportunity to live in some interesting location(s) and to finish up a college degree to set yourselves up for successful careers and raising kids. That’s better planning than most young couples.

As for the separation concern (deployments), it sounds like you’re still in a “honeymoon”-type stage in your relationship and your relationship is still maturing, so it’s good that you’re not rushing into this decision. As one of the other posters said, if your wife is trustworthy, then all these comments about cheating during a deployment is just talk. I know a woman whose fiance was assigned to Iraq for a year (he is in the Army Reserves or Guard) and they maintained regular communication, mainly via computer. I didn’t see her showing any interest in straying while he was gone - I would expect the same if the locations are reversed. Good communication results in a good relationship.

Best of luck in your decision.

[quote]Midwest_Man wrote:
A Senior Airman with 4 years experience in dispatch, huh? I’m not as familiar with the enlisted careers, but it sounds like someone in dispatch could be assigned ANYWHERE. If one of the other posters is correct and she can negotiate her first assignment as part of re-enlisting and/or your wife is right that her connections can get her a by-name request assignment, then you two can live someplace that most people never get to experience. That’s worth something.

I’m not sure why someone would want to go back into the military for 4-6 years, resulting in a total of 8-10 years. I originally joined the AF because they paid for college (ROTC) and thought I’d pay back my 4 years and then get out to make some serious money. But they kept offering special assignments that took me to 9 years with a 4-year commitment (to pay back for sending me to get my Masters degree). When I thought I was committed for 13 years I decided I might as well go 20 years to earn the pension. The military pension is one of the few quality pensions left. However, in my case the AF was looking to downsize at my 9-year point and offered an early-out payment that was too good to pass up (and waived my 4-year commitment). The AF was very good to me. My point is: think strategically - what will 4-6 more years in the AF accomplish for her? Will it allow her to put enough money into a GI Bill (or whatever they call it today) to be able to attend college and start a new career or what?

As for your career, computer skills are needed everywhere. Every AF base has a Communications Group/Squadron that manages the computer networks. It’s been my experience (in the US) that most of the computer support is contracted out. So if you work on the base, you may end up working for a DoD contractor and may have to change employers when your wife is PCS’d to another location.

A lot of bases, if not all of them, have multiple college choices on the base - usually extensions of accredited colleges/universities (Park University, Central Michigan, etc.). So both of you could work on a college degree part-time. The programs are designed for people that have a full-time job and are usually very reasonably priced. Maybe the two of you look at the 4-6 years as an opportunity to live in some interesting location(s) and to finish up a college degree to set yourselves up for successful careers and raising kids. That’s better planning than most young couples.

As for the separation concern (deployments), it sounds like you’re still in a “honeymoon”-type stage in your relationship and your relationship is still maturing, so it’s good that you’re not rushing into this decision. As one of the other posters said, if your wife is trustworthy, then all these comments about cheating during a deployment is just talk. I know a woman whose fiance was assigned to Iraq for a year (he is in the Army Reserves or Guard) and they maintained regular communication, mainly via computer. I didn’t see her showing any interest in straying while he was gone - I would expect the same if the locations are reversed. Good communication results in a good relationship.

Best of luck in your decision.[/quote]

Well, I don’t know if all she did was dispatch in her time in the Air Force. I know that’s what she was doing before she left. If she can get an assignment that she/we want, I think we will go for it. Like you said, it’s a change to live some place that most people will never get to. That is worth it right there.

Well, the whole reason for her going back in would be so we could both go back to school for free/cheap. If we do this, I would more than likely go back to school full-time to pursue a degree. Same with her. I have a feeling that if she did go back in, she would more than likely stay in until she could retire. Again, like you said, the pension from the military is something that you can’t get from civilian retirement. But again, this all depends on where we can get stationed.

As far as the deployments go, I know that we would make it work. I trust her with my life and vice versa. We communicate very well and try to talk about everything. I guess it would just be something I would have to get use to. I’m not worried about either of us cheating because it just wouldn’t happen.

Thanks for the great reply and words of wisdom. I greatly appreciate it. But, if we can’t get stationed somewhere we want this all might be a moot point. I’ll keep ya’ll posted. Thanks again.

I am in the Army and I was in Iraq in 2003 to 2004. During that time my wife and I just had a baby. She was 5 weeks old when I left. Leaving them was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I would not like to be in that position again. However the strength that the separation brought to our relationship was great. I had complete trust in my wife while I was gone and she had the same for me. I came back with a greater appreaciation for my family. The point I am trying to make is that you can do this if you want to.

Making friends and such will not be hard if you are an outgoing person. If I was in your position I would not concern myself with other military men treating me differently. I could care less. You are just as important and need to be just as strong as your spouse to make it work. Joining the military is a family decision. You together will make it work, if you guys do it right then it can be good to you. Children will complicate things a little more, but not make it impossible.

I hope I was of some help.