Life Outside the Gym?

Dude it satisfying you gotta try it.

I turned cooking/food into a hobby, might be an easy transition for you since you are always hungry.

Learn a musical instrument, its pretty easy to pick up the basics on guitar or piano if you want to get started.

Put more focus on school/career goals. You are 19, so its a good point in your life to start doing such.

Join an improv group. The greatest life skill you can learn is to being able to be witty on the spot and being really good at puns. Or take lessons from @T3hPwnisher

1 Like

Aren’t you a musician? Join a band.

Every time I move to a new city (i’ve moved around a bit in the last few years) I join a band. It gives me something to do, helps me keep my hand in at playing music and I always meet some really cool people as a result.

But to be honest, as much as I hate to play the age card, I think we probably all obsessed a little too much over our lifting when we were young and new to the game. As you get older different priorities will emerge and it’ll naturally just get pushed down the priorities list.

1 Like

Do you work? If you work full time then you probably won’t have time to worry about what you are doing in your free time. It seems to me like most people (around where I live) who aren’t into going to clubs and bars or smoking weed don’t really do much in their free time, that’s why so many people are becoming hunchbacked from staring at their smartphones.

If you’re small and weak then gain weight (muscle obviously). Restricting calories so that you get leaner and feel hungry all the time is not conducive to the first two points, just don’t get too fat and you can always cut later if that’s what you want to do.

Even if you aren’t making great progress I wouldn’t look at it as a waste of time, just try to make the most of your training from this point forward. Whether 5/3/1 or whatever, I would recommend bulking for 3-4 months then either cut or maintain weight for a month or two and repeat, bulking for too long without a break will lead to less muscle gains and more fat.

Have a baby, that would help too.

I have actually done a two month cut and am currently in a mass gain phase. I am actually pretty lean but I am never satisfied. I’m also working with Paul Carter so I don’t really plan my training and nutrition myself currently. I am hungry despite the fact that I’m eating quite a lot of food, which I think is a little bit of an issue I must learn to live with (having an abnormal appetite).

I’m in high school. And now that you mention it, I used to be into weed and definitely had more to do in my spare time (but that got me fat also).

  1. Can’t really remember an instance where I helped someone without benefitting from it in any way shape or form honestly.

  2. Hmm this one is difficult… I like coding and computer programming and when I happen to play with code and make something work… Also whenever I am assigned written work at school and I am able to put my skills with language to work. I’m generally proud of the writings I can produce.

Also I love singing and I used to record and mix song covers, and despite admittedly I’m pretty terrible at it I like doing it and felt proud when I was done with a song.

Furthermore, when I take a look at the meals I cook I feel proud because I’ve been cooking all my stuff for two years and I’ve gotten decenct at it, and I feel at my age, speaking with my peers, not many guys can do that.

Lastly, which kinda ties in with the writing thing, I feel accomplished whenever someone is impressed (in real life or otherwise) by my skills in foreign languages (I.e. English and Spanish).

  1. I am happy whenever I do the activities I mentioned above. Lately something that’s been making me very happy is food. I’m loving food much damn more than I’ve ever done. Making my first money with matched betting made me happy (and feel accomplished).

Listening to music makes me happy (and often also gives me a whole host of emotions that I can hardly describe with words).

Sometimes even just driving makes me happy. Or at least relaxed and at peace with myself. In the evenings where there’s not much going on I just like to hop onto my car and go for a drive somewhere.

  1. This is harder to answer. During the week I generally look forward to the weekend, to get extra rest and generally less stress.

Recently, I don’t know, during the day I most often just look forward to the next meal cause I’m hungry and I’ve also been very tired so I just want to lay down when I’m not at school.

If I had to really try and come up with something… I’d say that recently I’ve been looking forward to Christmas/the holidays, to have lunch with my loved ones and spend more with friends and stuff with less to think about.

Most likely it was me. I often make a point to start reading about stocism but I kinda forget about it. I’ll check out the website you mentioned though, I used to read it three years ago.

1 Like

I’m definitely not a musician haha

not with that attitude you’re not

3 Likes

Instead of watching ista videos of strong dudes lifting big bench presses and feeling sad and inadequate, you could check out a video on Proper Bench Press Technique. You could Take Control of your bench press instead of feeling anxious about it.

1 Like

Some suggestions:

-get a part time job
-find a girl that doesn’t piss you off
-find a hobby that doesn’t interfere with lifting, whatever that may be

As far as your issues with training, you already have a coach so just follow him and you should be fine. You can’t expect results overnight, it takes time. Watch the JTS videos on bench technique if your bench sucks. Don’t expect it to feel normal right away, and it will likely always be uncomfortable. Lifting weights isn’t about being comfortable.

Seems you have some other good stuff to put your time and energy towards.

Your answer to question 1 is pretty concerning, would you be open to actually doing it? It can link into the other things you find happiness in, volunteer to cook at a homeless shelter, perform some music at an old people’s home, drive to deliver equipment for local aid charities. So many options just see what’s available.

putting smiles on other peoples faces and making these lives better by giving up your own time is the most satisfying thing I can think of, either family and friends or complete strangers. It will build your own self worth.

1 Like

Lots of good info coming out here. I’d take a read of Dan John’s Work, Rest, Play, Pray, particularly the “When You Really Need a Compass” section for a guideline to setup some life balance and perspective.

Like some of the guys have said, I think part of what you’re talking about is normal for a kid your age who’s in your kind of shape, but part of it also sounds like it’s veering towards unhealthy distraction.

Like, if all you have to fill your days is “eat, sleep, school, lift”, then sure, you’re going to overfocus on the most enjoyable of those four things. But the more “stuff” you make time for, the more fulfilled you’ll feel.

Ryan Holiday also has a book “The Daily Stoic” that I ordered for Christmas to give the youngest kiddo (who majored in Philosophy). I flipped through it a bit in the store and it looks solid, like his other stuff.

1 Like

I should mention that I have in fact been seeing a psychologist for sixish months now. We’re trying to work something out but I hardly see myself getting out of anxiety anytime soon.

I can try, but that’d be something way out of my comfort zone at the moment. I wouldn’t know where to start and to my knowledgeable volunteering isn’t as big of a thing here as it is in the US or in other parts of the world.

I have read and watches videos about bench technique more than I’ve spent time watching any big dude doing any lift. My anxiety comes from not feeling proficient despite trying to become. If trying to fix my bench hasn’t fixed my bench so far, what will?

But anyway, I got some cues from my coach earlier today so I’ll apply them when I bench again.

LOL if I say that I’m a unicorn does that make me a unicorn?

Sure, but unlike a squat, which is uncomfortable in a “this thing is heavy and burns and I’m out of breath” way, the bench is more uncomfortable in an “awkward,” “I don’t know if I’m doing this the right way” way.

I agree with you, the hardest part is finding other things to fill my life with.

Unicorns are fictional. Musicians clearly aren’t. Stop being obtuse.

1 Like

@ those who talked about focusing on career: I think you guys are absolutely right.

But I need to find my path when it comes to my future job too.

The most obvious one for me is the field of information & technology: I learned the basics of coding when I was 14 and I can currently build dynamic websites, along html I know js, php, mysql, some c and just a little bit of Java. This morning I started reading Eloquent Javascript, a book that I’d read years and years ago but decided to pick up again.

So web developing and programming is definitely an option.

But I wouldn’t mind working in the field of science and nutrition, since those are topics of interest for me, and aside from first hand experience, which of course would come with time, I believe I have a pretty decent base of knowledge.

A third option would be something that has to do with languages, since I’m very proficient at English and I plan on working on Spanish. But not a teacher. I can’t teach. I’d murder someone in no time.

You’re young and not fully mature mentally. Not an insult as you are mature enough to recognize that this is not normal and you’ve turned a physically healthy hobby into an mentally unhealthy issue. As you get older, you will have more life experience and the introduction of more pressing priorities that will help you mature in mindset which will bring you perspective.

Understand that this stuff does not matter. A healthy diet is important but that is in the general sense. Becoming obsessed with macro nutrient counting, timing, etc is just another form of an eating disorder and in all honesty going so far down that rabbit hole wont make the biggest difference for you if you are eating the right food and amount.

Obsessing about your routine and advanced lifting techniques etc is a kind of pointless. Pick a routine that someone who spend a lifetime refining already created and follow it. Really lifting is something you do at most 3-4% of the total time in a week.

Constantly worrying about your size, body fat % etc, is just another form of body dysmorphia. Also, nobody really cares, except you.

The problem today is kids your age are exposed to too much information, and too much social media constantly setting a false representation of what is normal. Guys with 25+ FFMI lean and posting about their hardcore life on Insta telling you that they are that way because of their hardcore dedication or some shit is total crap. These are insecure narcissists who mostly(yes there are outliers who make decent money, no different than any field) are broke, unfulfilled and lonely people who are dedicating their life to something nobody else gives a shit about to get a dopamine rush from likes and comments.

Don’t be like them, be better. Lifting/Fitness should just be one pillar of your life. Think of it like legs on a stool. It will not stay upright with only one leg, you need others for balance. Things like a prosperous career and financial achievement(wealth and purpose). A fulfilling relationship with a significant other, friends and family(social). Continuous education through higher learning, doesnt have to be college and doesnt stop after college(learning). Religion, philosophy, meditation or something to help mentally(faith). All of those things are important and need to be balanced. Same goes for the leg of stool with health/fitness. If you kick out one of the legs in any category, the damn thing will fall over.

Not all of those other things may be important or even relevant now, but in time they will and just make sure you recognize it.

2 Likes

Couldn’t you go for some type of degree involving fitness? Not a personal training certification, but an actual degree. It might be an obsession but you sound pretty passionate about it.

If he wants to make money he should pursue his interest in tech. Before doing what I do now, I was a head hunter who specialized in IT, namely software engineering and the like. The demand is outgrowing the supply, it is an incredibly rewarding field that has incredible growth, money and lifestyle flexibility. It also allows for unlimited potential if future entrepreneurship is an itch that needs to be scratched.

I mean no disrespect to the fitness career path, but it is not all sunshine, lollipops and rainbows. Even low level or entry level coding positions offer an easier path to support a life and family.

2 Likes

I don’t necessarily mean he should get a degree and become a fitness guru, I meant like sports medicine, sports physical therapy, etc.
Would totally agree that IT is a great field to be in and it sounds like he has an affinity for that as well.

Also, Samul, you posted a week ago or so about why watching Instagram videos in class isn’t a big deal and that you argue with your teachers about it. We all naturally responded that that was a terrible mindset to have about that, and you said you’d consider our viewpoints. But you just posted today about watching Instagram videos in class and laughing out loud. This means you’re disrupting the class now too. Honestly, if I were you I’d get off Instagram. It sounds like an obsession, and everything Waittz said about it is true - it’s a fake place filled with fake people, and it’s damaging you.