So a discussion I had a couple of weeks ago with some users on the flame free confession thread has led me to do some introspection and think about my life and the gym.
I’ve come to the realization that training and nutrition occupy most of my thoughts and mental resources. When I have spare time, I tend to spend it reading or watching videos about the gym, and when I’m not doing anything that requires much focus my mind tends to wander and I end up thinking about the gym.
On training days, for the first part of the day (I train in the evening) I actually think a lot about the workout I’m going to do (often fearing it to some degree), then the time comes that I train; after that I go home and cook dinner and shortly after I go to bed and the cycle starts again tomorrow. If I have a bad workout, like I did yesterday, I end up thinking about what I did wrong during this time and I get a bit of anxiety.
My main thoughts are
I’m weak
I’m small
I’m not as lean as I would like to be
I’m hungry (despite eating 3.2k cal a day)
Have I wasted my training time so far since I’m still weak?
Should I do 5/3/1 for a year and see what happens?
I probably can’t even bench properly since it always feels weird, how on earth am I going to get stronger?
Other ones related basically on the fact that I am not where I would like to be strength- and size-wise
On top of that, I also read about training and nutrition for leisure even if I’m not necessarily applying what I read to myself. I think I just enjoy the topic.
I mean, I also do other stuff during the day, but nothing catches my interest quite as much as training and nutrition, what’s more I am an anxious person by nature so I think overall that isn’t healthy for me.
I think I should change that but I’m not quite sure where to start. Should I look into different hobbies? If so, do you have any ideas?
probably not the solution… i’m currently having a hard time even meeting a girl that i would want to be in a relationship with. i have a couple of “friends with benefits” so if i want sex i get it, but when i was in a relationship last year i can tell you that led me to lots of anxiety more than anything. i had terrific moments with her and totally enjoyed the time we spent together, but still i can tell you a girl is not the fix i’m looking for.
i do get out, every day in fact, it’s that i live in a small city and i’m having troubles meeting new people. and the ones i do get to meet are largely uninteresting (lots of girls that are around 14 and i’m almost 19) or i just don’t feel much attraction for them. i have a small group of friends that is pretty unfulfilling to me as well.
again, i think this has more to do with myself than with any other people around me. i need to “fix” myself first so that my life isn’t going to depend on whether i find “the right one” or not.
haha lol i’m not handsome but that’s not what i’m getting at. and on a rational level, i know that my life definitely doesn’t depend on me being big and lean, but that still doesn’t seem to help with anxiety and stuff.
like i said, i’m trying to find an interest, a hobby, a passion, whatever that can give some depth and meaning to my life outside of the gym.
Definitely. It reads to me like you’ve taken what should be a healthy hobby and allowed it to become an unhealthy obsession. You can always do other physical activities / hobbies (rock climbing, swimming, etc…), take up shooting (gun or bow), reading (one of my favorites hobbies I try to read every night before bed), so on and so forth.
Anxiety is such a weird issue. Pretty much everyone on my wife’s side of the family has anxiety ranging from a depressingly destructive level of OCD to just general anxiety about medical issues and money. It’s hard for me to understand it because this concept has always just come easy to me; the past is in the past and cannot be changed. The future isn’t here; yet, and worrying about what might be is fucking pointless. The present is what matters and if you’re miserable in the present, fix that shit.
That’s not to say you shouldn’t think / plan for the future. Quite the contrary. Physical activity in the present sets you up for a healthy future. Saving money in the present sets you up for financial stability in the future. However, dwelling on the possibility of negative outcomes in the future is what should be avoided. It’s easy to dwell on such negative thoughts.
I can’t remember if it was you or not, but there was a thread where stoicism was brought up and, while I’m not exactly the most versed in the philosophy (I actually am not a big fan of philosophy in general), I think the study of the stoics would be helpful to you.
The art of manliness (.com) has a primer on stoics if you’re interested. It’s easy to find on their site. I personally really like Ryan Holiday. The Obstacle Is the Way and Ego is the Enemy are two of my favorites reads and I usually hit them both up every few years.
I would advise that you should learn to deal with the anxiety issue first. That shit will follow you around. There is no shame in getting some help for it. Counselors / therapists who specialise in CBT will be able to provide you with the tools for this and if you practice them regularly they are tools for life and for any situation. No more than half a dozen sessions will have that issue cleared up no problem.
Until you find someone develop a breathing exercise session. One the Seals use is box breathing to assist with emotional arousal control and if its good enough for them. Look it up on youtube, there are some good vids there. I always do a ten minute session after a workout after stretching. Sets me up for the day.
Developing your body is great but you must also develop your mind, they go together. Make time.