Let's Process Our Feelings II

[quote]debraD wrote:
Em, woodworking is fun. Maybe he can teach you some stuff =)

Im the woodworker in my house but my guy has tool sense from decades of working with his hands and he loves when I need his help. it started when I got a cheap table saw to build canvas stretchers for paintings, then I moved up to 1x2 cradles for hardboard painting supports and we have had a lot of fun together in the garage which is now a pretty complete shop with a nice new cabinet table saw.

Try to not go crazy waiting for this good thing to go wrong! I can only speak from experience with my own relationship and observation with others but IMO the best thing couples can do for each other is to attempt to have some common interests AND have a life of their own so they are aren’t waiting for their other half to finish their fun and come home. But I’m a person who needs a lot of alone time so it’s never an issue that my guy goes off and does things without me. Right now he’s gone for 3 days to climb a mountain that I decided was going to interfere with my lifting plans so he just went with his buddies and I’m getting ready to go lift.

I have friends who think that is fucked up but we’ve got a lot years in and they um… don’t.
[/quote]

Well, I would not attribute that to your awesome social skills alone.

Due to your buns of steel you have a higher margin of error.

Emily on the other hand only has one leg, so she scores more points for the same result.

Sllence from Em…
Either the strategy worked…

…or Hockey is making a coffin.

[quote]angry chicken wrote:

Well, don’t get fat, don’t cut your hair and don’t nag… It really is that simple. Fuck him, feed him and make him feel like a man when he’s had a bad day.

Not rocket science! ;)[/quote]

Wisdom from the Chicken!!!

[quote]angry chicken wrote:
Well, don’t get fat, don’t cut your hair and don’t nag… It really is that simple. Fuck him, feed him and make him feel like a man when he’s had a bad day.

Not rocket science! ;)[/quote]

Pretty damn close.

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]TQB wrote:
No, you’re good. Guys socialise by doing things next to each other. If Hockey had had a mate in the workshop, they would probably not exchange a word while working, unless necessary for the project. Started with making flint tools :-)[/quote]
You don’t think he’ll feel like he can’t get a minute to himself?

LoRez, what do you think? Would you feel like someone’s breathing down your neck if your gf was nearby while you did your thing?[/quote]
No.

I mean, if it was all the time, probably. But some of the time, I’d actually like her around. We don’t need to talk or be doing the same thing and she doesn’t need to be helping. But there’s something about just being physically colocated that’s nice.

In the past there’s been some issues where it’s been very either/or. She’s stated that I can do my thing, but she won’t be around. OR, we can do her thing, together.

And because things were so volatile and/or whatever personal insecurities, I’d rather spend time with her doing whatever than spend time apart, even if it means not “doing my thing”.

Things have changed from then though. Granted, we’ve been apart for almost a year now, so really things right now are significantly different. We’ll see how it all works out once we’re living together and we both have free time at the same time. Her schedules with residency were pretty crazy.

[quote]LoRez wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]TQB wrote:

She’s stated that I can do my thing, but she won’t be around. OR, we can do her thing, together.

[/quote]

Is this your wife or a girlfrind?

[quote]treco wrote:

[quote]LoRez wrote:
She’s stated that I can do my thing, but she won’t be around. OR, we can do her thing, together.[/quote]
Is this your wife or a girlfriend?[/quote]

Girlfriend. But that was a long time ago (like, probably right around 2 years ago) and our dynamics have changed quite a bit from then. We split up for awhile, and when we got back together, a lot of things changed.

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]debraD wrote:
Em, woodworking is fun. Maybe he can teach you some stuff =)

Im the woodworker in my house but my guy has tool sense from decades of working with his hands and he loves when I need his help. it started when I got a cheap table saw to build canvas stretchers for paintings, then I moved up to 1x2 cradles for hardboard painting supports and we have had a lot of fun together in the garage which is now a pretty complete shop with a nice new cabinet table saw.

Try to not go crazy waiting for this good thing to go wrong! I can only speak from experience with my own relationship and observation with others but IMO the best thing couples can do for each other is to attempt to have some common interests AND have a life of their own so they are aren’t waiting for their other half to finish their fun and come home. But I’m a person who needs a lot of alone time so it’s never an issue that my guy goes off and does things without me. Right now he’s gone for 3 days to climb a mountain that I decided was going to interfere with my lifting plans so he just went with his buddies and I’m getting ready to go lift.

I have friends who think that is fucked up but we’ve got a lot years in and they um… don’t.
[/quote]

Well, I would not attribute that to your awesome social skills alone.

Due to your buns of steel you have a higher margin of error.

Emily on the other hand only has one leg, so she scores more points for the same result.

[/quote]

Ha, funny!

[quote]debraD wrote:
Em, woodworking is fun. Maybe he can teach you some stuff =)

Im the woodworker in my house but my guy has tool sense from decades of working with his hands and he loves when I need his help. it started when I got a cheap table saw to build canvas stretchers for paintings, then I moved up to 1x2 cradles for hardboard painting supports and we have had a lot of fun together in the garage which is now a pretty complete shop with a nice new cabinet table saw.

Try to not go crazy waiting for this good thing to go wrong! I can only speak from experience with my own relationship and observation with others but IMO the best thing couples can do for each other is to attempt to have some common interests AND have a life of their own so they are aren’t waiting for their other half to finish their fun and come home. But I’m a person who needs a lot of alone time so it’s never an issue that my guy goes off and does things without me. Right now he’s gone for 3 days to climb a mountain that I decided was going to interfere with my lifting plans so he just went with his buddies and I’m getting ready to go lift.

I have friends who think that is fucked up but we’ve got a lot years in and they um… don’t.
[/quote]

I actually do need some alone time, which I get because he travels, and I have friends with whom I like to spend time. He also has a core group of friends with whom he does guys-only stuff, typically camping or travel, and I’m fine with that. He’s planning a 2-3 week Alaskan canoe thing, possibly for next year. Women are invited but so far none are interested, including myself (it would eat up my vacation time in addition to being too rugged for me). Those things are okay with me. I like to hear about them and I like not having to go. (Winter camping - have fun!)

It would be different for me if he chose to be in “a man cave” night after night. I would start retreating in confusion, which would in turn impact his feelings of security. That’s not to say I wouldn’t do workshop things with him - we’ve already talked about shared projects. I don’t know if I would enjoy woodworking. Probably. One of the good things about me is that I can have fun doing just about anything assuming I’m doing it with someone cheerful.

But it wouldn’t have to be a shared project. I’m like LoRez in that I like physical proximity for its own sake. It’s cozy.

[quote]TQB wrote:
Sllence from Em…
Either the strategy worked…

…or Hockey is making a coffin.[/quote]

I managed to make it through the weekend without cutting my hair or getting fat, so it’s all good still.

I had the best time. Again. So far so good with the family blending.

Next weekend we’re going white water rafting, which will be way fun.

I’m not dying of heartbreak yet.

I don’t want to clutter up whats-his-name’s thread, but I’m actually a bit surprised at myself when I remembered the story I related.

For as little as I knew about women when I was younger, I’m surprised I actually had things figured out at 21 that I had some attractive 19 year old girl move in with me sight unseen… entirely based on instant messages, photos, and a couple phone calls. Literally the first time I saw her in person was when I came home from work and she was asleep on my bed, fresh off the bus.

The weird thing is that from a romance, dating, flirting standpoint, this wasn’t exactly that strange for me back then. I think other aspects of my life were even more bizarre (like, um, the fact that I was seeing one girl on the weekends and sleeping with her sister during the week).

Things are pretty normal now, relatively. The only vaguely interesting thing is that I have a stripper who wants to run away with me, if things don’t work out with my girlfriend.

I suppose that’s not entirely normal either.

EDIT: This wasn’t a brag at all, just reflection and surprise. There’s been a lot of weird contrasts in my life.

[quote]LoRez wrote:
I don’t want to clutter up whats-his-name’s thread, but I’m actually a bit surprised at myself when I remembered the story I related.

For as little as I knew about women when I was younger, I’m surprised I actually had things figured out at 21 that I had some attractive 19 year old girl move in with me sight unseen… entirely based on instant messages, photos, and a couple phone calls. Literally the first time I saw her in person was when I came home from work and she was asleep on my bed, fresh off the bus.

The weird thing is that from a romance, dating, flirting standpoint, this wasn’t exactly that strange for me back then. I think other aspects of my life were even more bizarre (like, um, the fact that I was seeing one girl on the weekends and sleeping with her sister during the week).

Things are pretty normal now, relatively. The only vaguely interesting thing is that I have a stripper who wants to run away with me, if things don’t work out with my girlfriend.

I suppose that’s not entirely normal either.

EDIT: This wasn’t a brag at all, just reflection and surprise. There’s been a lot of weird contrasts in my life.[/quote]

Were you an athlete in high school?

I think there’s some strong juju in being a physically fit nerd, particularly if you were an athlete. Smart, curious people are a lot of fun if they’re socially adept. Adding in physical conditioning along with an adventurous/wild streak must have made you a top-notch prospect.

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
I think there’s some strong juju in being a physically fit nerd, particularly if you were an athlete.
[/quote]
Well where are all my hot chicks then? Don’t they care how much I can deadlift? Don’t they know how amazing I am at Dark Souls?

[quote]csulli wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
I think there’s some strong juju in being a physically fit nerd, particularly if you were an athlete.
[/quote]
Well where are all my hot chicks then? Don’t they care how much I can deadlift? Don’t they know how amazing I am at Dark Souls?[/quote]

Dark Souls? Hot chicks like the MATHEMATICS variety of nerd, not video game geeks. With the exception of Spock, of course.

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
Were you an athlete in high school?

I think there’s some strong juju in being a physically fit nerd, particularly if you were an athlete. Smart, curious people are a lot of fun if they’re socially adept. Adding in physical conditioning along with an adventurous/wild streak must have made you a top-notch prospect.[/quote]

I was a skinny distance runner, so while technically an athlete, that doesn’t really qualify.

I had a lot of girl friends in high school, because of band and French classes, but didn’t have any actual girlfriends my last couple years. And then college was effectively all guys.

Basically I had the social confidence and experience, but not the sexual confidence or experience. It took years before I was able to take something beyond friendship. Even among some friends later on, it was a weird contrast. I was absolutely comfortable talking with very attractive girls, but didn’t know how to make anything of it… whereas most guys I knew were intimidated by those same girls… however they were the ones who’d have girlfriends and get laid, and I wasn’t. Low T maybe, on my part? Sheltered childhood? Complete inexperience?

It’s funny, looking back on it, because I now realize how easy things would have been knowing what I know now. I’m not exactly complaining, considering I’m now involved with a smart, hot, doctor from a good family.

Back then, there was almost always been a hopeless case of a girl I’m interested in but who’s unattainable (due to distance or age), and those usually lasted for a year or more at a time. I don’t know whether I intentionally was using that to avoid trying to figure out how to date the girls I knew in real life or what, but I did lose out on a lot of opportunities because of it.

These days I’m less surprised, just because I’m older, more experienced, more knowledgeable, in better shape.

This stripper thing though does make me feel a bit uncomfortable though. In that environment, guys are supposed to fall in love with the girls, then keep coming back and spend all their savings on a girl that was just playing them the whole time. Maybe not always that extreme, but that’s the gist. This is just a weird role reversal.

I could be faulty in my reasoning here… but I actually feel like it’s much “safer” to hang out at a strip club, drink and talk to girls there than to do it elsewhere. I feel like with meeting girls at any other bar, there’s this assumption that it goes somewhere and leaves the bar, and if it doesn’t, that you’re just wasting her time. At the club, everything’s transient, there are no feelings to be hurt and ultimately it’s just business. Even if all I do is sit at the bar, drink, and chat with the bartenders and whoever decides to stop by, and pretty much just people watch. But now some girl happened to involve her feelings. Ugh.

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]csulli wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
I think there’s some strong juju in being a physically fit nerd, particularly if you were an athlete.
[/quote]
Well where are all my hot chicks then? Don’t they care how much I can deadlift? Don’t they know how amazing I am at Dark Souls?[/quote]

Dark Souls? Hot chicks like the MATHEMATICS variety of nerd, not video game geeks. With the exception of Spock, of course.[/quote]
Ah “classic nerds” like yourself :wink:

Well hell I at least went through calc III and dif eq in college.

[quote]csulli wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]csulli wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
I think there’s some strong juju in being a physically fit nerd, particularly if you were an athlete.
[/quote]
Well where are all my hot chicks then? Don’t they care how much I can deadlift? Don’t they know how amazing I am at Dark Souls?[/quote]

Dark Souls? Hot chicks like the MATHEMATICS variety of nerd, not video game geeks. With the exception of Spock, of course.[/quote]
Ah “classic nerds” like yourself :wink:

Well hell I at least went through calc III and dif eq in college.[/quote]

Look at the bright side: WE are VERY impressed with your deadlift!

[quote]angry chicken wrote:

[quote]csulli wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]csulli wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
I think there’s some strong juju in being a physically fit nerd, particularly if you were an athlete.
[/quote]
Well where are all my hot chicks then? Don’t they care how much I can deadlift? Don’t they know how amazing I am at Dark Souls?[/quote]

Dark Souls? Hot chicks like the MATHEMATICS variety of nerd, not video game geeks. With the exception of Spock, of course.[/quote]
Ah “classic nerds” like yourself :wink:

Well hell I at least went through calc III and dif eq in college.[/quote]

Look at the bright side: WE are VERY impressed with your deadlift![/quote]

To give credit where it’s due, MY team likes that very much, too.

I took a picture of the back of Hockey one day because he was asking about his haircut in back for some reason. The angle of the pic and his shoulders in it look a lot like csulli’s avatar - and I frankly find it very sexy (the pic of Hockey, that is, not the av though it’s very nice). He also has the same haircut from the back, lol.

I was tempted to post the pic but I could feel all of your eye rolls even though they hadn’t happened yet (a premonition, if you will) and also don’t think Hockey would be cool with it. So I got a grip on myself.

I just look at it in private now.

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
I was tempted to post the pic but I could feel all of your eye rolls even though they hadn’t happened yet (a premonition, if you will) and also don’t think Hockey would be cool with it. So I got a grip on myself.

I just look at it in private now. [/quote]

For what it’s worth, I have some photos of the physique progress my girlfriend has made with her squats and deadlifts, and I contemplated sharing them on here. I refrained, for somewhat similar reasons.

I just look at those in private too.