T Nation

Let's Process Our Feelings II

Not now, Goddamnit…

[quote]Yes!

But, women are the gatekeepers to sex, men are the gatekeepers to commitment.

If you can have sex simply by being a douche, who failed to guard their gate?

Its the whole “Oh well, if its raining sluts I might as well get wet” dynamic.

You blame men because 100$ bills are waved in front of their faces and they try to get some?[/quote]

I don’t blame them for anything except hypocrisy.

Hockey and I were talking about his pregnant daughter and her boyfriend, and I said I think they’ll be very happy together. He said “I hope so. They both deserve to be happy.”

I think people should be worthy of the things they desire.

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]Yes!

But, women are the gatekeepers to sex, men are the gatekeepers to commitment.

If you can have sex simply by being a douche, who failed to guard their gate?

Its the whole “Oh well, if its raining sluts I might as well get wet” dynamic.

You blame men because 100$ bills are waved in front of their faces and they try to get some?[/quote]

I don’t blame them for anything except hypocrisy. [/quote]

It only would be hypocrisy if the rules for both sexes were the same.

They are not, so no hypocrisy there.

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
Hockey and I were talking about his pregnant daughter and her boyfriend, and I said I think they’ll be very happy together. He said “I hope so. They both deserve to be happy.”

I think people should be worthy of the things they desire.

[/quote]

Is that also true for 30+ women who rode the carousel hard and now want a man to commit?

Because, you know, even if we decry hypocrisy, give the fact that I risk more, should she not bring more to the table?

This post was flagged by the community and is temporarily hidden.

[quote]Chushin wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
Hockey and I were talking about his pregnant daughter and her boyfriend, and I said I think they’ll be very happy together. He said “I hope so. They both deserve to be happy.”

I think people should be worthy of the things they desire.

[/quote]

Maybe, but they do usually GET what they are worthy of.[/quote]

No, you get what you demand.

“Deserve” has little to do with it.

I feel much better knowing I didn’t end the thread.

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]Chushin wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
Hockey and I were talking about his pregnant daughter and her boyfriend, and I said I think they’ll be very happy together. He said “I hope so. They both deserve to be happy.”

I think people should be worthy of the things they desire.

[/quote]

Maybe, but they do usually GET what they are worthy of.[/quote]

No, you get what you demand.

“Deserve” has little to do with it.[/quote]

Well in the economic sense(which I think is kind of what Chushin was implicating) what you demand and what you deserve are kind of the same thing: what you are worth(y of).

Now, is that true of relationships? I dunno, I feel like I’ve known some people that seem awfully deserving of other ‘great’ people but I might not be working on complete information.

[quote]red04 wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]Chushin wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
Hockey and I were talking about his pregnant daughter and her boyfriend, and I said I think they’ll be very happy together. He said “I hope so. They both deserve to be happy.”

I think people should be worthy of the things they desire.

[/quote]

Maybe, but they do usually GET what they are worthy of.[/quote]

No, you get what you demand.

“Deserve” has little to do with it.[/quote]

Well in the economic sense(which I think is kind of what Chushin was implicating) what you demand and what you deserve are kind of the same thing: what you are worth(y of).

Now, is that true of relationships? I dunno, I feel like I’ve known some people that seem awfully deserving of other ‘great’ people but I might not be working on complete information.[/quote]

You know, you English speakers have a actually a great advantage in that area, because there is “to deserve” and there is “to earn”.

Not as easy in German, so why do you make it more complicated than it needs to be for you?

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]red04 wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]Chushin wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
Hockey and I were talking about his pregnant daughter and her boyfriend, and I said I think they’ll be very happy together. He said “I hope so. They both deserve to be happy.”

I think people should be worthy of the things they desire.

[/quote]

Maybe, but they do usually GET what they are worthy of.[/quote]

No, you get what you demand.

“Deserve” has little to do with it.[/quote]

Well in the economic sense(which I think is kind of what Chushin was implicating) what you demand and what you deserve are kind of the same thing: what you are worth(y of).

Now, is that true of relationships? I dunno, I feel like I’ve known some people that seem awfully deserving of other ‘great’ people but I might not be working on complete information.[/quote]

You know, you English speakers have a actually a great advantage in that area, because there is “to deserve” and there is “to earn”.

Not as easy in German, so why do you make it more complicated than it needs to be for you?[/quote]

A discussion about linguistics aside(I’m far from an expert), do you mean about my latter comment? Because that’s kind of exactly what I meant by incomplete information: there’s probably something the party is not doing to EARN the relationship they think they deserve, which I guess means that as much as I see them as deserving, they really aren’t?

But relationships and ‘the marketplace’ seems so much more complicated than that.

[quote]red04 wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]red04 wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]Chushin wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
Hockey and I were talking about his pregnant daughter and her boyfriend, and I said I think they’ll be very happy together. He said “I hope so. They both deserve to be happy.”

I think people should be worthy of the things they desire.

[/quote]

Maybe, but they do usually GET what they are worthy of.[/quote]

No, you get what you demand.

“Deserve” has little to do with it.[/quote]

Well in the economic sense(which I think is kind of what Chushin was implicating) what you demand and what you deserve are kind of the same thing: what you are worth(y of).

Now, is that true of relationships? I dunno, I feel like I’ve known some people that seem awfully deserving of other ‘great’ people but I might not be working on complete information.[/quote]

You know, you English speakers have a actually a great advantage in that area, because there is “to deserve” and there is “to earn”.

Not as easy in German, so why do you make it more complicated than it needs to be for you?[/quote]

A discussion about linguistics aside(I’m far from an expert), do you mean about my latter comment? Because that’s kind of exactly what I meant by incomplete information: there’s probably something the party is not doing to EARN the relationship they think they deserve, which I guess means that as much as I see them as deserving, they really aren’t?

But relationships and ‘the marketplace’ seems so much more complicated than that.[/quote]

Alright, lets concede that a quality woman wants a quality man.

Even then, being a quality man is not enough, you need to demand a quality woman.

Even better, if you are a POS and demand a quality woman, you will get one.

For a while.

[quote]red04 wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]Chushin wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
Hockey and I were talking about his pregnant daughter and her boyfriend, and I said I think they’ll be very happy together. He said “I hope so. They both deserve to be happy.”

I think people should be worthy of the things they desire.

[/quote]

Maybe, but they do usually GET what they are worthy of.[/quote]

No, you get what you demand.

“Deserve” has little to do with it.[/quote]

Well in the economic sense(which I think is kind of what Chushin was implicating) what you demand and what you deserve are kind of the same thing: what you are worth(y of).

Now, is that true of relationships? I dunno, I feel like I’ve known some people that seem awfully deserving of other ‘great’ people but I might not be working on complete information.[/quote]

Interesting! (Although as God is my witness my morning will be spent primarily working out, not posting, because I did not set my alarm for 5:20 to post about relationships, lol.)

I think quality people can misjudge, in some cases due to qualities that make them both “great” and vulnerable. Optimism, faith in the other, easy forgiveness - these are nice qualities to have in a good relationship, but they can invite and prolong poor ones. They could “demand” better, but don’t realize they need to.

On the other hand, I think rarely is there a “great” person in a genuinely bad relationship who doesn’t play into the dynamic somehow. That’s not to say they deserve it, but there’s probably something they need to adjust. I’m working with a guy with ex-girlfriends who cheated. He’s still attached, but friend-zoned. He’s a great guy. He needs to start not just recognizing character issues, but reacting to them.

In my own life I’ve had to make a similar change.

Meanwhile, Hockey’s people have been interviewing me. He’s with his daughter today, whom he has predicted will further opine on my suitability, since he also has a history of same. So far I’ve been making the grade (I like her very much, and she adores her dad) (as I do more and more).

So I think I might go with orion’s “demand,” though it seems a harsh word.

I told Hockey about TNation this weekend, and my campaign to date and choose better. He handled being told that his behavior and character have been dissected on a bodybuilding forum very well.

[quote]LoRez wrote:
I feel much better knowing I didn’t end the thread.[/quote]

It was ORION. He did it!

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
On the other hand, I think rarely is there a “great” person in a genuinely bad relationship who doesn’t play into the dynamic somehow. That’s not to say they deserve it, but there’s probably something they need to adjust. I’m working with a guy with ex-girlfriends who cheated. He’s still attached, but friend-zoned. He’s a great guy. He needs to start not just recognizing character issues, but reacting to them.
[/quote]

I’ve been saying this for years, and usually get called an asshole for blaming the victim. Of course I am not as articulate as you.

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]LoRez wrote:
I feel much better knowing I didn’t end the thread.[/quote]

It was ORION. He did it![/quote]

It’s like taking the last piece of pizza. Who’s gonna do it?

Some strange things have been happening lately. I’ve heard of sympathetic pregnancy and some of the effects pregnancy can have on men. Change in hormone profile and whatnot. It’s still not fully accepted as a legitimate condition, but I guess some stuff is documented about it. I didn’t fully dig into the particulars. Anyways, I’ve had an inclination that something had changed a while back. I lost a lot of the drive and zeal for life I used to have.

Became anxious, fearful, and depressed- leading up to the panic attacks we’d discussed in the previous threads- and stayed that way. The past 2 years have probably been the crappiest (though not necessarily “worst”) of the past 15 or so. I kept looking back at my previous self and asking “What the f*&k happened?”, and the answer is always the same- “You settled down. Got married and had a kid. Relax. Thats what people do when they grow up.”.

I kept seeing these commercials for low T. Em has mentioned suspecting it in her ex a coupe of times. Then I read Bricks thread in the BB section “Trying to keep serious” and could identify with it a whole lot. Two weeks ago on sort of an impulse I grabbed a bottle of a tribulus supp (the place has a surprising array considering that it’s a grocery store). Three days into it and it was like a switch flicked on in my head. No more tightness in my chest. My appetite has returned with a vengeance. I got a sudden urge to pick up heavy things, to exert force and will.

In a departure from the past year or so, I picked up the phone last week and cold called a fabrication shop that was running a help wanted ad on a job site and set up an interview for yesterday. It all went really well aside from the unexpected snow storm and I can start with them as soon as I want. Not even a hint of anxiety, doubt or hesitation.

I don’t exactly feel like my old self again, and can’t entirely blame Couvade syndrome for languishing and such a low for so long, but Damn! it’s amazing what a difference a good jolt of T can do. I probably won’t be taking over the word any time soon, but I definitely feel like taking on my own little part of it again.

If we all agree people get what they demand or deserve, it seems to imply that life is fair. Kind of a smack in the face of Outliers.

This post was flagged by the community and is temporarily hidden.

[quote]Chushin wrote:

Glad you’re feeling better.

Have you had your T tested as all?[/quote]

Thanks!

No. I’m not even sure how to go about doing that. Contact a general practitioner or something? Also unemployed/uninsured at this point, so it would all be out of pocket.

I might have to google some stuff up and see what the process entails or check out some of the pharma/T replacement threads.

[quote]SkyzykS wrote:

[quote]Chushin wrote:

Glad you’re feeling better.

Have you had your T tested as all?[/quote]

Thanks!

No. I’m not even sure how to go about doing that. Contact a general practitioner or something? Also unemployed/uninsured at this point, so it would all be out of pocket.

I might have to google some stuff up and see what the process entails or check out some of the pharma/T replacement threads.
[/quote]

Yes, a general practitioner.

Congratulations on the job - is it one you’re excited about?