Some people are plain old shitty people… They will be shitty people no matter who or how they are raised.
My son feared punishment (losing access to things he enjoys) and my daughter seems (she’s only 5 and only been in real trouble once that a stern voice didn’t correct) to fear disappointing us and embarrassing herself.
Every kid is different. Don’t paint yourself into a corner committing to one approach. None of us truly have any idea WTF we’re doing, we’re all just trying our best not to raise a murdering fiend.
This. It isn’t so much “punish the bully” as show kids that they are worth more as a human being than the bully makes them feel. If it gets physical, you may have to teach them to defend themselves.
(I’m NOT saying don’t punish the bully, I’m saying focus on the issue from the perspective of the victim.)
It’s not about teaching someone to accept ass beatings as “alright”. It’s teaching them they are worthy human beings who shouldn’t be getting their ass beat, and ensuring they aren’t having lingering trauma from the abuse.
All I think he’s suggesting is a change in focus, not letting bullies be dicks without repercussion.
Trauma from the latter without the ability to process it for whatever reason. Being angry is normal, killing because you’re angry isn’t. But a bullied youth that knows they are worth while human beings will be less likely to throw away the rest of their life in prison to seek revenge on someone who won’t be part of their life in a few years.