T Nation

laundering money

Can anyone reccomend a book on “how to launder money?”

Have you ever seen the movie Office Space? hahaha…

Dear SupaFreak,
we all have this problem - nothing is more annoying than a dirty, flabby One Dollar Bill.
The best thing you can do against that is to wash your money. Use the cold cycle with little detergent and no bleach. For stiffer results use some brand name starch. Either dry-hang or dry in a dryer on delicate. For the latter it is exceptionally nice if you put a couple of drops of lavender oil on some cotton balls and
add that to your bills in the dryer.

Ask the IRS. They have plenty of experience with people laundering money. Actually, Paladin Press (www.paladinpress.com) has a book called “The Art and Science of Money Laundering” if you’re serious.

Have you ever heard of a casino?

A few hrs effort, a couple of drinks, meet some women… and then exchange your chips for some nice, untraceable cash.

how much money are you really going to launder ? cause laundering the money doesnt seem worth the risk unless you have a lot of money to make clean

Thanks so much, it’s nice to see a seroius answer.

Dude: Casinos are not wise to pull that with anymore, they now scan the cash/use markers to make sure. Plus the fact that your on some nice heavy duty high resolution cameras the second you walk in the door, the Secret Service will have little trouble tracking you down. I had a friend get busted for laundering counterfit bills on way less evidence. Plus the paladin press books are a bit dated, so make sure to do a little bit more research before relying on them.

you might want to get in touch with the people over at enron, maybe they could help you

I’m no expert, but i honestly think that nowadays, unless you have a really, REALLY sophisticated, hi-tech, EXPENSIVE, well thought-out plan, included retaining some very expensive EXPERTS on the subject (I’m talking about being a multimillionare to begin with just to make it work), I really don’t think you can get away with it these days. Can you launder 100 bucks at a casino and walk out before they notice it’s fake? Maybe, maybe not. If you DID have the money, experts and infrastructure to work with, it would almost certainly involve offshore accounts (Cayman Islands, or maybe Switzerland), but just to open such an account usually requires at LEAST seven figures. I wouldn’t try it nowadays. Just my two cents. (Same with murder, by the way. Forensic investigation is just too sophisticated for any kind of amateur to get away with it these days).

Damici: In truth it’s actually -easier- nowadays for the average Joe or Sue to get away with muder then laundering money. That is, planned out first degree murder. It’s the panicked, spur of the moment types of killings that are getting easier to solve. I know this not becuase I’m a serial killer ;), but becuase I’ve got 3 cousins and an uncle who are police detectives in major cities.

I agree with Jim. International agreements and laws have been changed so that it is easier for investigative agencies to track money. Even Switzerland have loosened their laws. You have a much better chance of getting away with a thought-out murder than laundering money. I’m just south of Columbus, Ohio and only 50% of the murders were solved last year.

Send it to me and I will take care of it for you.

Uh, on second though, yea, YEA, I’ve got the -PERFECT- plan! I can take care of this business for you… No problem… I made a few phone CALLS… Talked to some PEOPLE… And, well, Just… uh… Just send it to –me-. I mean how can you trust a guy like avoids roids who uses a fake name… I mean JIM KUBLER is HONEST and GENUINE… In fact I was a Cub Scout once, made it all the way to bear in rank… You betcha… Jim Kubler’s a name you can TRUST… So, whacha say, you gonna let me help ya out there… Pal-O-Mine? Just send it to me… In a Big Box… All of it… I’ll take care of it for you. Not take care of it in THAT way, but take care of it in the way you want, ya know? Yea, ok, laughter is good… Ok, its a start right? Just send it right over here; you’ll see it again… Here, I’ll give you my watch as collateral. Did avoids roids offer any collateral? Nooooooo, but Jimmy-boy will… Yes, you betcha. Remember Jim Kubler is a name-you-can-trust… Just go ahead and send me that moooooney…

A watch as collateral? lol To show my good faith Supa, I will give you good old Jimmy Boy as collateral. If you don’t get ALL your money back clean as a whistle, with interest at Libor plus 1500 basis points, you can do with him as you please. And, because you would be a first time user of my services, I will charge no commission. I can do this because I know that you will be so delighted with what I can deliver that you will be a repeat customer in the years to come. If you have a freind who wants to take advantage of this offer, I will be glad to accomodate him and offer up Jason R. Baran as collateral as a jesture of good faith on my part. And, lastly Supa, never trust anyone in this business who uses their real name. They may be an FBI or CIA plant.Put your trust in Roids. We help your money get huge.

Hey, how did your cousins and uncle go about getting those jobs as detectives? I want to be a detective too, but I have no idea where to start.

Steve: They worked their way up from from patrolman/woman. BTW: the L.A.P.D. is always hiring. Their base pay is roughly $50k a year. A good friend of mine worked his way up to $80k+ after 20 years.

If you seriously think that people are going
to openly discuss this topic on a public web
forum, you are crazy. Discussing steroids
publicly is one thing, discussing money
laundering publicily is an order of magnitude
greater risk.

How many of you people in here when you first saw this thread just started cracking up? I mean, some random guy comes on and asks how to launder money, no explanation or anything, such a short beginning line…too funny in my opinion. The imagination just runs wild on why…the FUCK… you would need to launder money. Haha, good luck man, I hope you don’t get busted.

hey idiot. Nobody said I was going to launder money. I just asked for a book because i was interested about how people do it. Also i have been hanging around this board for 4 years, so i guess i am not just some random guy.