T Nation

Lane Jacking


I like to swim lengths every other day. The local facility has two pools, and both usually have some lanes reserved for swimming lengths. Except for some subtle differences, both pools are esentially the same. They are both 25M long. When I arrive, I usually scan for an unused lane, so I don't have to share. I found one in the first, closest pool and started my swim. Then a lady arrives, and starts swimming in my lane. Nothing I can do about this, she has a right to swim too. I have to pass her on every length. Then, another guy arrives, drops into MY lane from the other end, and starts swimming towards me. Now, there is no !@#$%&*? way I am gonna be able to pass Miss Daisy without banging into Mr LaneJacker. How could he NOT know this? I swear, get out of the pool, swear some more, and go the 20 steps to the other pool where there is a perfectly good lane, unused, waiting for me.

So, to you, Mr LaneJacker, I say a heartfelt "FUCK YOU!"

Ah, I feel so much better now.

\|/ 3Toes


I don't blame you dude, that shit sucks... Sometimes people just aren't thinking.


HAHAHAHAHH!!! i was the one that JACKED your LANE, MuThUfuCKer!!11 eat my shit, asshole!! whaddayagunnuh do about it?! nuthin. you aint gonna do shit! i was lauffin my ass off watchin you swim in the other pool, ya JERKOFF!!1!



I have swam competitively for a long time, and since I no longer do so, when I swim laps I get pissed at poor etiquette.

Next time tell the jackass that there was an empty lane over there, don't just get up and leave, otherwise, explain "Circle-Swimming" See, its this novel idea that works on the same principles driving does. Its the swim right pass left principle. There should be enough room for up to 15 people to swim in a lane with very few collisions. Otherwise, throw a Baby Ruth bar in the pool as you get it out and that guy is getting in, and yell "TURD IN THE POOL" and point at his lane where the 'floater' is. Everyone will assume he did anyhow.


I have this song I sing when a person is in my way at the store or anywhere for that matter...

"I'm the only person in the world,
the only person in the world the world.

No one else exists but me...it's just me just me me me".

I can't figure out the toon it's sung to but you get the point.
Make sure to sing it loud enough for them to hear, that's the fun part.


Nope, couldn't have been you. Guy who jacked my lane wouldn't admit to the command of the English language that you have just demonstrated. Had I made any attempt to explain 'pool etiquette' to Mr LaneJacker, I'd have got a blank stare and something to the effect of 'no English' as a reply. I am quite sure you're correct about one thing tho, he WAS laughin his ass off watching me swim in the other pool.


Maybe you could speak to the facility management and see if they could allocate lanes based on pace (i.e. fast, medium, slow) and advise users to swim in a chain as desribeb in an earlier post if they don't already.

Failing that and assuming some f#%kwit jumps in your lane like that again knock him out. That sends a message - it might get you thrown out and banned but it still sends a message!


I am firmly of the belief that too many people do this sort of thing because we let them. If you had kindly inquired of this gentleman "What the fuck do you think you're doing you lane stealing muthafucka!!!! I'm gonna go all medieval on your dick-tog wearing ass!!!", I don't think he would steal your shit again.

People are rude because we are too nice to them when they blatantly pissing us off. Stand up for yourself and stop being a pussy.


tomorrows strong words. at least they should be.


There are lanes allocated based on pace ( in pool 2, anyhow ) however, it's the number of people in the lane that creates the problems more often.

While I agree with the idea of standing up for yourself, in this case, I would have to knock the fucker out to get any satisfaction. This is my neighbourhood pool and gym facility, and a large proportion of the patrons are not native English speaking people. I have seen on multiple occassions, people pulling the 'no English' trick on the lifeguards, and carrying on with whatever horseshit they are doing. I have also lost it several times at this pool for various justified reasons, and somehow, I always wind up looking like the asshole.

I think next time, I'll take your advice and go 'all medieval' on the guy, and perhaps the word will get around, not to mess with the 'crazy sloth'



This will be useful the next time I'm getting on or off a plane. The last plane I got on arrived a bit late, so they called the rows three at a time to try to speed up the loading. It was totally pointless, since some guy in first class spent five minutes trying to cram his oversize bag into the overhead compartment while half the passengers were lined up behind him.