Landover Baptist Church: Are they doing it wrong?

What the fuck?

Anyone ever heard of these lunes? And the post above is from one of the members they hold as a prized member.

Host site:

It’s a well known parody site created to make fun of Baptists

Poe’s Law. Landover is a parody of Westboro Baptist.

Re: “Noobs” please read this before posting.

Is This Church a Racist Organization?

No. We believe that God has a special place in society everyone, no matter how unintelligent and ugly they are.

What is the position in society of (insert race here)?

If your ancestors are: African
Your position in society is: Slave of slaves. Best segregated, as your curse might hurt others.
And the sons of Noah, that went forth of the ark, were Shem, [Father of Asians] and Ham, [father of blacks] and Japheth [father of Whites]: and Ham is the father of Canaan. These are the three sons of Noah: and of them was the whole earth overspread.
And Noah began to be an husbandman, and he planted a vineyard:
And he drank of the wine, and was drunken; and he was uncovered within his tent.
And Ham, the father of Canaan, saw the nakedness of his father, and told his two brethren without.
And Shem and Japheth took a garment, and laid it upon both their shoulders, and went backward, and covered the nakedness of their father; and their faces were backward, and they saw not their father’s nakedness.
And Noah awoke from his wine, and knew what his younger son had done unto him.
And he said, Cursed be Canaan; a servant of servants ("The lowest of slaves - New International Version) shall he be unto his brethren.
And he said, Blessed be the LORD God of Shem; and Canaan shall be his servant.
God shall enlarge Japheth, and he shall dwell in the tents of Shem; and Canaan shall be his servant.
And he said, Cursed be Canaan; a servant of servants shall he be unto his brethren. And he said, Blessed be the LORD God of Shem; and Canaan shall be his servant. - Genesis 9:18-27

If your ancestors are: Unmarried (within 10 generations)
Your position in society is: Same as under secularism, but you can’t enter church.
Because: A bastard shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD; even to his tenth generation shall he not enter into the congregation of the LORD. - Deuteronomy 23:2

If your ancestors are: Greek
Your position in society is: Same as under secularism, but everybody knows you’re literally a motherf*cker:
Because: It is reported commonly that there is fornication among you, and such fornication as is not so much as named among the Gentiles, that one should have his father’s wife. - 1 Corinthians 5:1 (there is sexual immorality among you…man has his father’s wife - New International Version)

How do you know that the sons of Ham are blacks?

The Answers In Genesis Creation Museum says so:

What about interracial/intercultural marriage?

God commands us against them:

Neither shalt thou make marriages with them; thy daughter thou shalt not give unto his son, nor his daughter shalt thou take unto thy son. - Deuteronomy 7:3

But why? And can I at least have a foreign girlfriend or mistress?

No. Your black mistress will end up converting you to her “black Jesus” and Kawanzaa heresies:

But king Solomon loved many strange women, together with the daughter of Pharaoh (who is African), women of the Moabites, Ammonites, Edomites, Zidonians, and Hittites;
Of the nations concerning which the LORD said unto the children of Israel, Ye shall not go in to them, neither shall they come in unto you: for surely they will turn away your heart after their gods: Solomon clave unto these in love. -1st Kings 11:1-2

If they can even corrupt as Godly a man as King Solomon, imagine what they’ll do to you!

Do you support segregation or integration?

God says integration leads to heresy:

And the children of Israel dwelt among the Canaanites, Hittites, and Amorites, and Perizzites, and Hivites, and Jebusites:
And they took their daughters to be their wives, and gave their daughters to their sons, and served their gods.
And the children of Israel did evil in the sight of the LORD, and forgat the LORD their God, and served Baalim and the groves. - Judges 3:5-7

So if I can’t live in the same neighborhoods as non-W.A.S.P.S., can I at least visit?

No. Even looking at them will mess you up: Thine eyes shall behold strange women, and thine heart shall utter perverse things. - Proverbs 23:33

But black women are so attractive!

Some are, but that’s rare:

I am black, but comely, O ye daughters of Jerusalem, as the tents of Kedar, as the curtains of Solomon.
Look not upon me, because I am black, because the sun hath looked upon me: Song of Solomon 1:5-6

Is it even possible to re-segregate?

It is, and it’s as important a part of Christianity as confessing your sins:

And the seed of Israel separated themselves from all strangers, and stood and confessed their sins, and the iniquities of their fathers. -Nehemiah 9:2

I’m of mixed-race, are my parents sinners?

Yes: The people of Israel, and the priests, and the Levites, have not separated themselves from the people of the lands, doing according to their abominations, even of the Canaanites, the Hittites, the Perizzites, the Jebusites, the Ammonites, the Moabites, the Egyptians, and the Amorites.
For they have taken of their daughters for themselves, and for their sons: so that the holy seed have mingled themselves with the people of those lands: yea, the hand of the princes and rulers hath been chief in this trespass. - Ezra 9:1-2

Why are white people’s genes holy?

Because God says so. See Ezra 9:1-2 above.

I know Africa is a mess, but it can change, right?

The Bible says you can take the blacks out of the jungle, but you can’t take the jungle out of the blacks: Can the Ethiopian change his skin, or the leopard his spots? then may ye also do good, that are accustomed to do evil. -Jeremiah 13:23

So what should our foreign policy towards Africa be?

Invade and exterminate. Also kill all the men of nations that are allied with African nations:

Ethiopia (old term for all of most of Africa), and Libya, and Lydia, and all the mingled people, and Chub, and the men of the land that is in league, (African Union etc.) shall fall with them by the sword. - Ezekiel 30:5

Does God listen the prayers of Christians who aren’t white Americans?

No, he doesn’t want to listen to non-whites and non-Americans because he considers them dogs:

But he answered and said, I am not sent but unto the lost sheep of the house of Israel.
Then came she and worshipped him, saying, Lord, help me.
But he answered and said, It is not meet to take the children’s bread, and to cast it to dogs - Matthew 15:24-26

But how do you know Jesus is white?

First let’s agree on these definitions:

Ruddy: rosy-cheeked, sunburnt
fair countenence: white face and facial features (nose is not hooked or flat, for example)

Jesus was a Nazarite:

Her Nazarites were purer than snow, they were whiter than milk, they were more ruddy in body than rubies - Lamentations 4:7

Unless you’re one of those perverts who believe that the Song of Solomon is pornography, you’ll agree that the Song of Solomon is a prophecy predicting the love of Jesus. And here is Jesus described as being outstandingly ruddy among 10,000, that is, among the whitest 0.0001% of the population:

My lover is radiant and ruddy, outstanding among ten thousand - Song of Solomon 5:10

Jesus was descended from King David, also white, and who was a victim of anti-White racism:

And when the Philistine looked about, and saw David, he disdained him: for he was but a youth, and ruddy, and of a fair countenance. - 1 Samuel 17:42

God chooses prophets and rulers of nations by simply choosing the white person:

Again, Jesse made seven of his sons to pass before Samuel. And Samuel said unto Jesse, The LORD hath not chosen these.

And Samuel said unto Jesse, Are here all thy children? And he said, There remaineth yet the youngest, and, behold, he keepeth the sheep. And Samuel said unto Jesse, Send and fetch him: for we will not sit down till he come hither.
And he sent, and brought him in. Now he was ruddy, and withal of a beautiful countenance, and goodly to look to. And the LORD said, Arise, anoint him: for this is he. Then Samuel took the horn of oil, and anointed him in the midst of his brethren: and the Spirit of the LORD came upon David from that day forward. So Samuel rose up, and went to Ramah. - 1 Samuel 16:10-13

Note that Hussien Obama is not ruddy.

Close, but not close enough.


no, actually a very funny parady of bible-thumpping

Atheist activist types have this conspiracy theory that christians are out to get them and America and these smears are a product of their frustration.