Lack of Social Stamina

Off Topic
21

[quote]CaliforniaLaw wrote:
You sound like a classic introvert. I have had the same problem. People bore me. I have no interest in small talk. I would much rather read a book than talk to people. If you have a high IQ, your life will be even more complicated, as you will met few people in life you can have meaningful conversations with.

Most people want to talk about sports, cars, TV shows, or video games. Oh, and about their mediocre “lives” and “goals.”

There is a good book called “The Introvert Advantage.” Lots of helpful tips in there.

What I do when I have to socialize is drug myself. I drink a lot of coffee (just measure it out so you can keep pace), take Spike tabs or Spike shooters. Then some more caffeine. This keeps me “chatty” and lets me forget that I’m having a conversation with a really stupid person about his car, or how “bad ass” the latest TV show or video game is. I also read People Magazine so I can know the names of these women they lust over and masturbate to.

Also, read some books on communicating with people. Larry King has a good book out there called “How to Talk to Anyone, Anyplace, Anytime.” What I do is skim the headlines (even sports) and then pop a question to let the other person give his dumb-ass opinion about it. “Do you think Kobe should be MVP?” is one example of question you can ask. Or, “Which Jessica is hottest?” They will go on and on as if this is fucking literary interpretation. Whatever works.

Also, something I do to entertain myself is focus in on a facial feature and imagine the person’s head morphing. I was able to talk to a boring and stupid person for three hours because he had big ears and a big nose. I keep thinking, “Man, this guy is teen wolf!” I just kept following-up with questions.

People lead horribly boring lives, but they think they are the protagonist in the Great American Novel. Humor them by asking them questions. .

Remember, though, it’s an art. You can’t let the person feel like you are condescending. You also can’t make them feel like it’s the 3d degree. You have to really show interest. Don’t ask disjointed questions. Follow-up based on what they’ve already said. “Dude, that’s so interesting that you played high school football. Did you ever consider playing in college?”

Go buy those books today. And good luck.[/quote]

For one who feels their so above it and bored by it you sure expend a lot of energy on planning and dealing with it.

D

22

[quote]Alex630 wrote:
You make it sound like your introversion is caused by a world full of idiots. I’m not saying that it isn’t, but I’m fairly introverted and I have some bright, entertaining friends. However, I still need alone time after a few hours. It might be the same with this guy. Just how he’s put together.[/quote]

Not at all. I can do marathon sessions with the right people and not feel bored at all, but then I certainly need to take the next day off.

23

[quote]Airtruth wrote:
Take up acting. Learn the fakest cheesiest smile, and a few catch phrases. Say these when you least want to, even if it feels fake to you. [/quote]

This is good advice.

24

[quote]Dedicated wrote:
For one who feels their so above it and bored by it you sure expend a lot of energy on planning and dealing with it.[/quote]

Of course. People with good social skills, quite frankly, generally make more money than people with poor people skills. Money might not matter to do, but it does to me. Hence why I “expend a lot of energy on planning and dealing with it.” I do lots of boring things to make money.

I’m not sure why you’d find that unusual.

25

[quote]DeterminedNate wrote:
nephorm wrote:
What did you do on the trip that led to your firing?

We were speaking with some of the key management of a business. We were deciding whether we wanted to extend additional financing to them. This particular business was with one of the biggest farmers in California.

At the time, I was already depressed. My sister had just revealed to me that she had been raped. This sent me into a tail spin of sorts. So when we were at dinner at a steakhouse, I didn’t really give a shit about what the tomato yield was expected to be this year, even though I wanted to really badly.

I felt like I had nothing to contirbute to the conversation, almost like dead weight. And this is what my boss perceived me as. It really was a multitude of things, including me already hating the job.[/quote]

Jesus christ take it easy on yourself bud! :slight_smile:

Your sister tells you she’s been raped and you don’t give a fuck about your business meeting…I think anyone on here can sympathize with that. To me, that does not make you unusual or particularly depressive.

It appears to me that you might need a bit of perspective. Perhaps your being too hard on yourself and making too much of a big deal about things? Just a thought. The dots will join up in the end my friend.

26

[quote]Airtruth wrote:
On a Side note 6 hours is a long ass time to be socializing, damn take a break or something.[/quote]

I look at introversion like this: We have anaerobic energy for social activities. We have great strength in short bursts, but we need lots of rest periods. Extroverts are marathon runners. They can keep blabbing on about nothing forever.

It’s not an issue of changing yourself. It’s an issue of recognizing where you are strong - and capitalizing on that. You must also recognize where you are weak - and mitigate those weaknesses.

After a long day, some port and a cigar does the trick for me. Others have different ways to refresh themselves.

What’s important is, as with training, finding what works for you.

27

[quote]CaliforniaLaw wrote:
Dedicated wrote:
For one who feels their so above it and bored by it you sure expend a lot of energy on planning and dealing with it.

Of course. People with good social skills, quite frankly, generally make more money than people with poor people skills. Money might not matter to do, but it does to me. Hence why I “expend a lot of energy on planning and dealing with it.” I do lots of boring things to make money.

I’m not sure why you’d find that unusual.[/quote]

My finances are very important to me. However, to maintain them I don’t have to read People magazine or Larry King’s book to know how or what to talk to people about nor imagine them morphing into odd shapes. What I find unusual is that some of what you say makes sense some does sound quite megalomaniacal.

D

28

[quote]CaliforniaLaw wrote:
You sound like a classic introvert. I have had the same problem. People bore me. I have no interest in small talk. I would much rather read a book than talk to people. If you have a high IQ, your life will be even more complicated, as you will met few people in life you can have meaningful conversations with.

Most people want to talk about sports, cars, TV shows, or video games. Oh, and about their mediocre “lives” and “goals.”

There is a good book called “The Introvert Advantage.” Lots of helpful tips in there.

What I do when I have to socialize is drug myself. I drink a lot of coffee (just measure it out so you can keep pace), take Spike tabs or Spike shooters. Then some more caffeine. This keeps me “chatty” and lets me forget that I’m having a conversation with a really stupid person about his car, or how “bad ass” the latest TV show or video game is. I also read People Magazine so I can know the names of these women they lust over and masturbate to.

Also, read some books on communicating with people. Larry King has a good book out there called “How to Talk to Anyone, Anyplace, Anytime.” What I do is skim the headlines (even sports) and then pop a question to let the other person give his dumb-ass opinion about it. “Do you think Kobe should be MVP?” is one example of question you can ask. Or, “Which Jessica is hottest?” They will go on and on as if this is fucking literary interpretation. Whatever works.

Also, something I do to entertain myself is focus in on a facial feature and imagine the person’s head morphing. I was able to talk to a boring and stupid person for three hours because he had big ears and a big nose. I keep thinking, “Man, this guy is teen wolf!” I just kept following-up with questions.

People lead horribly boring lives, but they think they are the protagonist in the Great American Novel. Humor them by asking them questions. .

Remember, though, it’s an art. You can’t let the person feel like you are condescending. You also can’t make them feel like it’s the 3d degree. You have to really show interest. Don’t ask disjointed questions. Follow-up based on what they’ve already said. “Dude, that’s so interesting that you played high school football. Did you ever consider playing in college?”

Go buy those books today. And good luck.[/quote]

Thanks for your contribution to this thread Cali, but what you describe is not me. I don’t feel like people are any smarter or dumber than me. I feel like I can learn something from anybody, from the biophysicist to the guy workin at the gas station. We all have different life experiences, and there’s always something new to be learned/discovered.

The thing is, I don’t really need help learning how to socialize or communicate. Like I said, when I first meet somebody I’m basically on fire. I’m a very, very, very likeable human being. And I honestly feel, if I had to choose my “on” personality vs “off,” the “on” personality would be much, much closer to who I perceive myself as.

I’ve been through the laundry list of self-help books to get to where I am now e.g., actually being invited out to shit.

The scary thing is the lack of control I have. Going into this past weekend, I knew reverting back to my old self would be possible. But almost stupidly, I pushed myself into what I thought would be a socially challenging situation.

I know when I’m feeling like the quiet, loser, wall-flower in the corner its wreaking HAVOC upon my already fragile mental health. Goddamn, this shit sucks.

I hate to keep disappointing my friends, by coming off as this wet blanket. No, none of them have said anything to me, but I personally feel like a drain on the energy of the group. Other times, I am the fuckin catalsyt of a great night out.

And one last thing, I’m very well-versed on drugging myself in order for a social situation to come off swimmingly e.g. alcohol and your assortment of party drugs.

Fuck. Pray for me.

29

[quote]CaliforniaLaw wrote:
Let me follow-up by saying social skills can be learned. Treat it like anything else: Focus on what you’ve done wrong, and ask yourself how you could have done better. Develop skills. Read about communication for, a minimum, 30 minutes each day. Practice talking in front of the mirror. Your face gives a lot away!

Read books aloud. Focus on voice inflection. Practice different tones. If something has a question mark around it, focus on making it sound like you are asking the question. “Really?”

You have lots of trial and error - with the focus on error! This is no problem. That’s life. Focus on your errors so you do not repeat them.[/quote]

I know the skills it takes to make a strong impression. It’s just the unexplained, gradual loss of confidence that throws my fucking rhythm off.

30

[quote]Airtruth wrote:
Take up acting. Learn the fakest cheesiest smile, and a few catch phrases. Say these when you least want to, even if it feels fake to you.

You can’t force yourself to like something, but you can understand that you have to do it. If you let your job rely on what you like then you will always lose a job. Nobody is on a 100% high, but you can always utilize your skills. Such as the ultra fake smile.

Nobody believes GB’s smile, but it still works.

On a Side note 6 hours is a long ass time to be socializing, damn take a break or something. I thought you were going to say after 15 minutes. I’m surprised you were the first person to get sick of that. [/quote]

I’ve been through the “fake it, till you make it” bullshit. The grand conclusion I came to, is that it doesn’t work.

You’re right, 6 hrous is a long time to be socializing. But its by no means grounds for a person to fall into what seems like depression.

31

The more I read it sounds like some form of depression is creeping in.

32

On the concept of ‘drugging yourself’ to cope with social situations. Don’t. If you can’t be social without “supplements”, you’re fooling yourself by using them to get through social situations.

33

[quote]Zap Branigan wrote:
The more I read it sounds like some form of depression is creeping in.[/quote]

I was going to say the same thing. Therapy would probably be useful over the long term and a pharmaceutical approach may help over the medium term.

I was going to jokingly suggest cocaine, but this guy would be a disaster if he got into stimulants.

34

work up to snorting a gram of coke twice daily. you’ll be golden.

35

[quote]CaliforniaLaw wrote:
Airtruth wrote:
On a Side note 6 hours is a long ass time to be socializing, damn take a break or something.

I look at introversion like this: We have anaerobic energy for social activities. We have great strength in short bursts, but we need lots of rest periods. Extroverts are marathon runners. They can keep blabbing on about nothing forever.

It’s not an issue of changing yourself. It’s an issue of recognizing where you are strong - and capitalizing on that. You must also recognize where you are weak - and mitigate those weaknesses.

After a long day, some port and a cigar does the trick for me. Others have different ways to refresh themselves.

What’s important is, as with training, finding what works for you.[/quote]

GREAT thread, good luck to the Original poster. You started something that I can relate too.

Also, this post right here was great. Sums up how I feel about conversation.

36

[quote]CaliforniaLaw wrote:
You’re welcome to start a “This guy sucks!” post about me. But can we keep this thread on topic, viz., finding solutions to the OP’s problem?[/quote]

I don’t think you “suck,” and I’m really not interested in creating a thread centered around you.

Consider my earlier post to be merely a rebuttal of your implication that DeterminedNate’s difficulties are similar to your own.

I have had similar experiences to DN… hitting a social “flow,” only to have it collapse in on itself. I’m not really an introvert… I have always processed externally and enjoyed the company of other people. It could be depression. It could be something that is treatable with a cognitive therapy approach. It could be as simple as limiting one’s interactions to only those periods during which one is functioning well (say, five hours instead of six) and leaving on a high note. Habituating oneself to success might cause it to last longer.

37

I know this is easier said than done, but you need to stop thinking about it so much. If everything is going well just go with the flow, and even if it isn’t, who gives a fuck? Not everyone is gonna like everybody, and I hate to break it to you, but there are people out there that aren’t gonna like you just 'cause. You mentioned that you “try too hard”. That’s your problem. Stop acting and start being.

It’s completely normal to want to do your own thing after extended periods with others. I’ve lived with 2 different women before I turned 25 and pretty much “sabotaged” the relationships 'cause I’d get irritated or bored from being with the same person all the time. Just be yourself bro and don’t worry about what others think, or what you think they’re thinking. Just enjoy yourself, and if you’re not then bounce.

38

You don’t need to be the life of the party every minute. I am probably much less socially ‘functional’ than you but I’m comfortable with that and people are accepting of it. If this causes you problems see a cognitive behavioral therapist.

39

[quote]Jamougha wrote:
You don’t need to be the life of the party every minute. I am probably much less socially ‘functional’ than you but I’m comfortable with that and people are accepting of it. If this causes you problems see a cognitive behavioral therapist.[/quote]

I don’t always need to be the life of the party. I just don’t need to be the dude whose standing there too afraid to say something after he’s already established himself as socially passable. It’s just plain weird.

40

[quote]CaliforniaLaw wrote:
Airtruth wrote:
On a Side note 6 hours is a long ass time to be socializing, damn take a break or something.

I look at introversion like this: We have anaerobic energy for social activities. We have great strength in short bursts, but we need lots of rest periods. Extroverts are marathon runners. They can keep blabbing on about nothing forever.

It’s not an issue of changing yourself. It’s an issue of recognizing where you are strong - and capitalizing on that. You must also recognize where you are weak - and mitigate those weaknesses.

After a long day, some port and a cigar does the trick for me. Others have different ways to refresh themselves.

What’s important is, as with training, finding what works for you.[/quote]

is this why you are so grumpy?